From The Roots

They say that to nurture and instill good behaviour in children you have to start from the very beginning. Not by raising your voice or physical violence, but to make a firm statement and be firm with your decision. I guess it is something like 'no means no.' This way, the child will be able to recognise your tone when you are upset. 

When I was pregnant, if I don't have time to read the Quran I'll just play it while I sleep. Even after she's born, I noticed that she'll be quiet when I pray and making dua. I will always read my dua so that she can hear it too and she'll always smile when I mention her name.

Recently she has been very curious towards everything! Yesterday while Farid was reading the Quran she was jumping excitedly to be with him. 

I'm happy to be a mother and not a day goes by that I do not pray to become a better person for her sake. I'm far from perfection and I have a fair share of mistakes, flaws and sins that I have commited along the way. I just pray that I'll be able to improve every single day. I also pray that Aleesya will be a good muslim, be blessed in everything that she does and be rewarded Jannah in the hereafter.

My Baby Bump

Is it weird that I miss having my baby bump? 

During my pregnancy days, I used to feel alright, and I loved to go to work. I had so much energy at times I even look forward to work. Pregnancy has really bring out the best in me, and I totally miss it.

Motherhood on the other hand has been different. I feel 'lighter' but I do feel tired at times. Sometimes I wonder why, but then I realized that I do not miss being pregnant, I miss having my baby with me all the time!!

When she was still in my womb, I was able to talk to her all the time, feel her movements and also 'hugging' her when I feel like it. But now I just get messages with pictures of her having fun without me and it just breaks my heart with a 'I want to be there too' feeling.

Sigh. I'm grateful for having such good help in taking care of Aleesya. If not because of that, I would have been quitting my job. I can't imagine sending Aleesya to nursery and having to wonder about her all day. 

There are some days when working is so unbearable I just feel like laying on my bed with her. But everytime she smiles to me when I come home, all the tiredness that I feel will be wiped away and all I want is to repeat that smile across her face over and over again. I can even go on playing with her without sleeping after my night shifts and for me, that is HUGE! 

I want to be a role model to my daughter, someone successful so that she can look up to me and be proud. That is why I am enduring my days working. It is surely not easy, but I'm hanging on :)

Sleep?

When I was pregnant, I waited till the 7th-8th month to start reading on parenting books. Being a new mom, I know I have a lot to learn. And I'll also be a working mom, so there are a few additional stuff that I should add on too.

I never had any problems sleeping when I was pregnant. Here and there I read about how difficult it was for other pregnant ladies to sleep at night, but somehow that did not happen to me. I could sleep for hours!! And for that I am really grateful.

When Aleesya came to our nights, she woke up hourly for the first few days. It was really challenging for me as I had to wake up to feed her and my body was still recovering. But I had a lot of fun.

Eventually, her routine changed to two hourly, then three hourly, till she was about a month old where she'll wake up only once at 3-4am.

A few days back she started to sleep the whole night, after falling asleep at about 12.30 midnight. Initially I thought it was a one night thing, you know those nights when you'll get lucky :p but apparently the routine has been on till last night! Aleesya is finally doing her nights! 

When I told my friend who is also a mother, she was shocked as her three month old baby was still waking up at night. Honestly, I have no secrets to how I made Aleesya sleep through the night, and somehow I don't think I'm the one who made her sleep through.

But when I thought about it, I think it all comes down to one thing - communication. The first night that Aleesya slept through was when I was having fever due to a blocked duct, so I told her my condition and asked her if she wouldn't mind to let me sleep the whole night, and she did! I had this habit of talking to Aleesya since I was pregnant, and I somehow think she understands me.

I'm not an expert to advice moms out there, but all I can say is talk more to your baby. They understand you more than you know.

And to Aleesya, who will be reading this someday when she grows up, thank you, for being such a blessing to all of us :)

The Little Milk Addict

Since I was pregnant, maybe even before, I was a big fan and a true believer of breast milk. For one thing, it comes for free :p haha

I'm grateful that from my 32nd week of pregnancy, my body has been showing signs that I am, God willing, able to lactate. I've been reading a lot about latching and good foods for breast milk and everything, so when Aleesya came, I was ready.

The first time I fed Aleesya was immediately after she was out. I was really happy seeing that the sucking reflex of my baby is good, and that she was able to latch on well.

I am planning to breastfeed Aleesya till at least 2 years old, and I hope that my breastfeeding journey will be eased. Even before Aleesya was born, I bought all the essentials needed to be able to store my milk once I return back to work :)

I've been training Aleesya to be able to feed by bottle so that she will be able to take EBM. It has been successful at home, however I noticed that Aleesya refuses bottle when we're out. Maybe she's not comfortable taking bottle and feels more secure when she's closer to me :) So I've decided to just walk to the baby room whenever she's hungry. 

Outings and shoppings will never be the same again, but I am certainly havinh fun. If you have a date with me and I'm late, I think you can find me here...

Sometimes I get scared if Aleesya is too full or something as she keeps on demanding milk! But she is growing anyway, so I feed her on demand :) her weight has doubled up from birth, and she's even longer. Haha. She's fitting into her clothes better now. And me, being an overly attached mom, bought a bunch of clothes online for her! Hahah. Oh well, she is my daughter afterall :p

How My Day Starts

Lately my days have started rather early as Aleesya has been constantly waking up at 5.30am. She'll sleep at about 12 or 1 am, with no interruptions in between. Such a cutie.

Usually I'll have to feed her, then try to put her back to bed, which will only be successful after Farid has left for work. Such a daddy's girl. Huhu.

Then I'll put her on my bed and hug her as that's her favourite way to fall asleep, and sometimes I fall asleep as well!

Sigh. It's such a blessing to have you in our life, Fayruz Aleesya.

Aleesya's First Jab

Today marks Aleesya's 6th week of life! And she has a doctor's appointment for her first immunisation. 

I usually tell her if we're going to do anything new, so I told her about the jab and that it might hurt. I told her that it was okay to cry a bit, but not too much and that the jab is to make her healthy :)

Farid's working late today so he can't come to the hospital with us, so mama, bapak and little Dayyan brought us to the hospital instead.

Aleesya had to fast before the vaccine is given, so I fed her till she was full before leaving the house. She feeds two hourly, so I was rather worried that she might get hungry if the waiting line was long.

The first vaccine was given orally, and as Aleesya was already hungry, she did not reject it at all! The next one was a jab at her thigh. I was really worried, so I got mama to hold her while the doctor was injecting.

She did let out a cry which lasted for a whole 30 seconds, then went quiet. Sigh. She's such a good girl.

Now we are home happily and she is back in her comfort zone, on her bouncing chair with blankie and beanie ;)

Getting Ready

Life has definitely change for Farid and I with the presence of Aleesya. I wouldn't say that it is easy, but we are having fun learning day by day.

Yesterday marks the day I finish my pantang and we had a family outing + Baem's wedding.

Usually it will take about an hour for Farid and I to get ready before any date. But yesterday, we had to add up another hour to get our little princess ready.

The fuss was all about her. Is she full? Are her diapers wet? Have we pack her bag? How many extra diapers do we need? What about a change of clothes?

I made sure that Aleesya was full before we leave the house, as she'll be in the car seat and I don't want her to feel hungry and need to feed her while in the car as it will be rather dangerous. After feeding and burping her, I ended up with this on my skirt.....

This is totally a new experience for us and we are totally loving it. Aleesya on the other hand has been a really nice baby, even when she's not sleeping she'll be able to play by her own in her pram. 

Here's to many more family outings. What would I do without these two?

Titanic: Nothing On Earth Could Come Between Them

I remembered when Titanic was a big hit in the cinemas. I was only 9 I guess, and the first time I went to the movies was when I was 15, so instead of the movies, I watched it from a video tape (no CDs yet that time)

I was really moved by the whole love story, I even thought that the characters were actually real. Haha. I know, I'm silly that way.

I also LOVE the soundtrack - My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. She has been one of my favourite singers of all time!!

It has been years since the last time I watched Titanic. Then today, it was on Fox Movies, and honestly I forgot how moving this love story is.

Ignore the nudity and everything else that is inappropriate in this movie, but you can't deny that this is definitely one of the most interesting love story ever. Just imagine if it were to be true. Haha. I remember collecting articles regarding this movie, how excited I was when it won awards and how in love I was with Jack Dawson. I remember and article where an 80 year old lady went to watch it for the 100th time as she was so moved by it. Titanic was also in the cinemas for such a longggg time!

Anyways, I'm done with my movie screening. Back to motherhood! Hehe

Papa's Girl

Farid started working when Aleesya was about two weeks old. Lucky for him most of the time he was in a periphery ward, so he was able to come home in the evening.

Aleesya was initially a bit grumpy when Farid first left for home, but since everyone was around, I guess she didn't mind.

A few nights back Farid was doing night shift, the first time after about a week and a half. 

So at 11+ I tried to put Aleesya to bed, changed and fed her as usual. But somehow she won't close her eyes. She was even grumpy and wanted to latch on though not feeding. 

We tried everything, from putting her in a dark room, singing, rocking.. Everything. Then it crossed my mind that maybe she's missing Farid since every night before bed Farid will be talking to her and lullabying her to sleep.

So I tool Farid's kain pelekat and wrapped her around it, offered feeding, and poof, she's asleep! 

Guess I'm not the only one who misses her papa that night.

Day by day she looks more and more like him, which is something that I don't mind at all :)

Sigh, Aleesya, mama loves you to the moon and back! 

Saying Goodbye

Is never ever easy.

Even if you've said it for a million times before, it will never be easy.

You see, my parents don't work here in Malaysia. And every year for the past several years they would be back in Malaysia a few times in a year, longest will be during summer. 

This year, since I've move into my own little space with Farid, it is easier for them to come to KL as they can just stay with us. The house isn't big, but it is cosy enough to accommodate all of us. 

During Ramadhan, daddy had work in KL and the duration of their stay in KL this year is longer than the previous years. Then baby Aleesya was born, so mummy stayed with me for three weeks.

Tonight both of them will be heading back to Kelantan, and on Friday they will be returning back to Dubai. It saddens me, and I believe baby Aleesya as well as she cried after mummy and daddy left. This year feels different, as I am now a mother.

Honestly, I am scared, and I am trying to plan ahead for my family and also take each day as it comes. I'm trying to learn to understand my baby, and her cries. Sometimes I freak out when she does a certain gesture that she has never done before, forgetting that she's growing and definitely developing new skills.

I miss having mummy here with me. I really-really do. I turn to her whenever I'm doubtful of something and she will always have something to say. I wish they didn't have to go back, and that mummy can just stay here with me, but daddy said that there's a few more years till he's ending his services there.

I know I'm still in the 'pantang' period and should not be feeling sad as it might lead to post partum depression, but let me just be sad for a while more. I miss my parents so much.

Good bye and have a safe journey atuk & nenek. Aleesya will be waiting for your next return home :')

Worries Of A Mom

Being a mother has changed me in many ways. For one thing, waking up in the middle of the night due to a slight sound is not impossible anymore, changing diapers over and over again, being wee wee-ed on and poo-ed on only brings laughter and joy to you and many more.

So a few nights back Aleesya started to have stuffy nose. She was unable to have continuous feed due to her blocked nose and was really frustrated. All this while she has been a good baby, but for the first time she demanded me to hold her even when she sleeps.

So yesterday I brought her to the doctor. She usual doctor was on leave so we had to see a different doctor. The doctor confirmed that it was only blocked nose and gave us nasal spray to help her clear it.

When Aleesya was given the spray she cried so loud, louder than I've ever heard her cry before! I was heartbroken, but this was for her own good. I hugged her tightly and she stopped crying immediately. Sigh. My eyes were filling up as well.

Aleesya's reaction after was priceless! I hope my little princess gets well soon. It is different to see your own child getting treatment, and when you are giving treatment yourself.

Please mama, don't let them put water in my nose anymore...

I'm praying hard, please mama, please...

She really is a little angel :)

Celebrations

At 19 days of life, we held a ceremony for Aleesya. I think this ceremony is a part of our Malay culture, called cukur jambul. 

So early in the morning, I dressed her up in her newly bought dress, fit for a little princess. She behaved so well during the whole ceremony (and even demanded feeding without crying). After the ceremony, the celebration of Eid continues with an open house.

Poor Aleesya was too tired but unable to sleep due to all the noise. But as soon as we got back to our little home, she was happily sleeping in her cot.

Nothing in the world can describe the love I feel for this baby. She is definitely my most prized possession, here and hereafter :)

 

Confinement

I've got nothing much to update about Eid since I've been spending it at home. I thought I would still be pregnant and huge during Eid but apparently my daughter and God has different plans for me.

So two days before Eid I was here....

Yup, in the labour room pushing out my beautiful daughter. I cannot express my feelings and up to this very day, everything seems surreal, still, even to me. Sometimes I'll just stare at her, admiring how beautiful she is, and thinking, "Wow, I'm a mom"

So yea, in our Malay culture, we have to undergo at least 40 days of confinement. Some people even go up to 100 days confinement. Confinement means eating selectively, having massages and bathing with some herbal water everyday to get your old shape back and to refreshen yourself inside and out.

I did not have my massage for 40 days, I'll die of boredom. I had it for 10 days, with herbal bath for 40 days and no outing for 40 days. I'm still strict on no cold water as I'm okay with it, but it almost kill me that I can't go out till I finish my confinement! And yes, no going up the stairs. At my in laws, my room is on the second floor, so Farid had to take all the stuff I needed downstairs. And so far, I haven't broken that rule as well. I stayed at my in laws for only a few days during this confinement period.

So the rest of my confinement is in my apartment with my mom and husband (who is working) and baby Aleesya :) My confinement lady is the best! She advised me to not take 'cold' and 'itchy' food, the rest is permissible. But mummy is still being awfully cautious and only cooks fish and chicken for me. 

For me, I have another 19 days till I officially graduate my confinement school. Farid kesian me so much he upgraded our astro and internet service. Hehe. Now I'm having everything that I need :)

Oh, I also have friends who come by and make my day bearable. It really is not easy, this pantang thing as I'm so used to being out most of the time. Post-confinement I have another thing to achieve - bottle feed Aleesya. I've been expressing milk and storing them for the future when I start to work, though the thought of working breaks my heart. Sigh. Such a clingy mom I am.

I am grateful that Aleesya is a good baby. She rarely cries if not for milk,and she can just lay around entertaining herself when she's awake. I'm praying that Aleesya will be a good baby and a good girl :) 

My Grumpy Grizzly Bear

FIL and BIL has been really active cycling lately. You know, the big mountain bikes you see people riding in KL. For me, I'm not a big fan of 'dangerous' activities like that as I'm too scared something might happen or I lose control of the bike or something.

So last Saturday Farid decided to join the club and the boys cycling. I has this feeling in my gut which wanted him to just stay at home and watch a movie with me, but I didn't want to get in the way of him spending 'boyish' times with FIL and BILs. So heavy heartedly I said okay and off he went excitedly to ride his bike.

Somehow I couldn't sleep the whole night as I waited for them to come back while watching E! Then the house phone rang. It was almost 1.30am and I just knew something was not right. FIL called and asked for MIL, and after a short conversation MIL went looking for SIL who was sleeping. Then both of them went off, telling me that Farid was tired and needed a lift home.

If there is something I know about Farid is that his ego is too big for his own good, especially when it comes to sports or physical training. He will NEVER admit that he is tired, and will always try to prove that he is fit. I immediately concluded that they did not want me to worry so I pulled a straight face and acted cool.

I wasn't able to sleep and had mini contractions all night as I was so worried of Farid. At about 4am he finally came home with BIL. Turns out one of his cycling group fell and as he was trying to avoid him, he skidded and was dragged on the road. He fractured his metacarpal bone which means he'll need at least 6 weeks to fully heal.

When he woke me up (I was sleeping on the couch) as he arrived, I hardly show any emotions. I was just, okay, lets have sahur. Can you eat, or do you need a spoon?

The following morning as I woke up, I stared at his face and wondered what would have happened if he was not wearing a proper helmet, or if something worst had happened. What will happen to me, or to Baby? Will Baby ever get to know papa? I was overwhelmed with emotions I started sobbing. I even find it weird not to wake up in his arms as they are casted :( It made me cry even more!

Alhamdulillah he is okay. But now down with flu and tonsillitis I brought back from the hospital. Sorry sayang. Its not easy recovering even from viral flu as he is fasting. He said he'll take the mc till after Eid, or if I deliver, after that, despite having one month mc. For me it doesn't really matter because soon enough I'll be having 3 months of leave :) Now he's wearing something that is smaller and not so scary anymore. Phew!

I really hope he gets well soon. I need him the most right now, and I feel like I'm troubling him as he's also unwell :(. In the mean time I'll be his attending nurse :) hehe

My Ramadhan Routine

I've never imagined myself as someone domestic, who cooks every single day and takes care of the house as I imagined my life to be super busy without any time to spare. I thought this Ramadhan Farid and I will spend it by buying outside food for iftar and sahur.

You see, we moved into our little space together as the journey to work is cut short and less taxing for our bodies, leaving us a home to be responsible for and to take care of.

The first day of Ramadhan I spent it with my in laws, since my shift started at night and honestly I was a bit worried about Baby to start fasting. I had a few hypoglycaemia episodes before and I don't want that to happen again. First day of fasting, and I didn't feel a thing. I was a fresh as ever and active as usual.

Then we went back to our little place and I was the one in charge for the meals and everything. So I started to wake up at 4.45-5am, prepared a simple meal for both of us, tidied up and get ready for work. After work (if I finish early for that day) I'll immediately rush to the kitchen to prepare for iftar, and after everything is done in the kitchen, I have my house chores to settle. By 10pm I'll be so tired that I just want to sleep.

Sometimes I do feel tired, especially being 9months pregnant here, so Farid will sometimes take over the kitchen and cook for me :) not sahur of course. Haha. But I'm glad I have a husband who understands my condition and allows me to rest when I need it.

I wanted to go back to kelantan so bad, but my doctor said no, so i had to abide by her rules :( I think I'll only be going back after baby is born. I can't wait to hold baby in my arms. Pregnancy has been kind to me, but I can't wait to be able to look, touch and feel this little one inside me :)

First Time

There's always a first time for everything in our life, like the first time we ride a bike and the first time we fell in love.

This year will be another first time for me. This Ramadhan I'll be facing it for the first time as a doctor and a pregnant mother. All this while, for years and years I've always been celebrating Ramadhan as a student, so this year is really special for me.

Nervous I definitely am, but I am excited as well. God willing I'll be celebrating Syawal this year with my first born :) A few more weeks to go!

Ramadhan Kareem everyone!

At 8months++ of pregnancy, on our first wedding anniversary :)

Kids 101

When I was in medical school I've always loved the paediatric posting as I love love love kids. From being so lazy to go to the hospital, I'll become super rajin! Paediatrics posting requires a lot of patience and also reading in the same time.

Last week I entered the paediatrics posting as a doctor. You see, being a doctor and a medical student is wayyyyyy different in ways a person could understand it is to undergo it. The responsibilities, the courage and the confidence should double up every single day.

Yes, I think I'm in love with this specialty. Not only did I not mind not being able to sleep all night, I enjoyed it! I had my first night call and it was a rough one. But I loved every second of it.

Its not easy entertaining an ill child as compared to a healthy child. Ill children can be extremely grumpy, fretful, uncooperative and sometimes they'll just scream for no reason. That sweet little girl or boy you once knew will disappear! That is why I think being a paediatrician takes up even more courage and confidence, and also the ability to run a certain procedure towards the child that you know will hurt but it is for their own good.

Since I'll be on my maternity leave, I think I should start reading for my masters examination. Its not easy to study and work in the same time, especially as a housemen, so I think I'm gonna pursue this opportunity. Another blessing of becoming pregnant during housemenship!

On another note, Baby did not sleep throughout the night as well, kept on tossing and turning in my tummy. Farid is still doing the 7-10 shift, so our times clashed really badly yesterday :( I think someone misses papa so much. Definitely gonna be daddy's little angel in no time. Haha.

Post Partum

I've learned and seen patients with post partum depression during my psychiatry rotation when I was a medical student. Some people may say that 'meroyan' is just a myth and does not happen, but in reality it is something that is recognised as a medical condition that can happen to anyone.

I've been preparing for Baby's arrival with genuine excitement and in the same time palpitations. There are times when I question myself if I can be a good mother, will I be able to provide the needful for my child and will he/she grow up to be a good muslim? I know there is no answer to all these questions but what I have to do is to try try and try till I get it right.

I have a bunch of friends who has already been through the post partum period and according to them, post partum depression is as real as it gets! One of my friend's sister even developed the feeling of hatred towards her husband and filed for divorce, only to withdraw it back - thank goodness! One of my friend cried every single night for months and another just went adhedonia and refused to hold her baby!!!! 

You see, during pregnancy, a woman's body undergo a lot of changes. At the stage of delivery, the body has to endure pain that has never been experienced before, a pain that only a woman's body can go through, and after all that, the hormones in the body will go haywire and needed to be reset back to normal. 

The process of resetting the hormones along with managing the baby is the part where the mind will be in torture, and that is when post partum depression and baby blues happen.

To all husbands with pregnant or soon to be pregnant wives, please do not take advantage of this situation and seek other pleasures outside. Your wife needs you the most at that time, and all you can do is just endure her temper and play along. For all you know, she'll be better in no time.

As for me, every night I'm praying that I'll be fine. It really is scary, and Farid has limited leave that he can take to spend time with me and baby later. I'm scared that my emotion and thoughts will get out of control, I'm scared that I won't be who I am, who I should be. I'm scared.

But most women eventually get over these symptoms, and I'm praying hard to be one of them who gets it for only a brief moment or doesn't get it at all.

The Next Chapter

Alhamdulillah I'm finally done with obstetrics & gynaecology. When I first entered this posting 4 months ago, I thought the posting will never end. It seemed like forever!!! My friends and I even counted down the weeks to show how much we despised being in the posting.

Eventually we stopped counting down and just went with the flow. Days started to be easier to pass by and we had so much fun. I honestly like working as I'm passionate, but it's the people that makes an environment intolerable. But in the same time, there are people who makes it bearable. And of course, the patients who smile, talk and thank you despite being in a 'microwave' all day.

And finally it ended. I'm glad and I don't think I'll miss it. Honest. But I'll definitely miss my patients and a handful of people who helped me make it through.

So yea, moving on to my next posting - Paediatrics. I've always been fond of children and I am even planning to specialise in this field God willing :) My plan after Baby is born is to study for my part one, and for good spacing between my children, part of my plan to be a working mom :)

I'm gonna start the next rotation on Saturday. Yes, we doctors work on weekends and public holidays :P I'm hoping that this rotation will treat me well, as I'm already in my third trimester, and with Ramadhan coming soon, I definitely need to be well prepared for any possibility.

We went for a checkup today, and the doctor said that she is expecting about 8 weeks instead of 10. Haha. I'm just hoping and praying to be able to deliver vaginally, and have a healthy child. Ameen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA AQEELA!! We love you so much!!

Counting My Blessings

For still being able to run, jog and jump in the ward despite beig scolded for being too active

For being able to eat things that I crave

For a splendid holiday with my love one

For an almost uneventful pregnancy (minus the premature contractions postcalls)

For supporting friends who gets more worried than me at times, really, thank you SO much

For family, who are always, always there when I need to complain

For people who ask how I'm doing

For Baby to behave so well in my tummy

And for a husband that loves me so much he stays up whenever I get leg cramps and massages me, and tries to make my day better. I couldn't go through a day in my pregnancy without you, sayang.

Of Dresses, Cries and Being Strong

I've been squeezing into my chiffons and loose blouses since the early of my pregnancy, and thankfully everything fits me just nice. Even at 6 months ++ of gestation, I am still able to wear my skinny jeans from Forever 21 and most of my peplum blouses.

As I approached my 7th month, I noticed that my tummy os growing exponentially. And last week I finally succumb to the fact that I can't wear my skinny jeans without keeping the fly open.

I haven't been buying any maternity wear that much, and I was never a big fan of maxi dresses, or any dress for that matter. I'm always comfortable in jeans and blouses. Mummy has been really excited from the beginning of my pregnancy and has bought quite a number of maternity wear for me, mostly formal, for work stuff, you know. If I were to go out, I'd just wear my House of Doll cape blouse or any chiffon blouse that I have and I'll be fine.

Last night we went back to my in-law's house for dinner, since we wont be coming back next week. MIL decided for a dinner outside and excitedly I rushed to my room to change (I was working earlier, so changing is something I look forward to after a day at work) Then I froze in front of my closet, I have NOTHING to wear! Most of by chiffons are at my apartment, and I'm only left with those which won't even button up!

At first Farid was helping me to find something decent to wear, but I ended up sobbing in his arms. I'm tired, I feel really big and bloated and I have nothing to wear. He promised for a shopping day tomorrow (which I will definitely claim) to buy some chiffon maxi dresses that could be worn even after the baby pops out!

I'm really grateful to have Farid in my life, as he just knows the right thing to say at the right time, though sometimes it doesn't really make things better. I'm glad he tries though, and I feel sorry for still feeling sad after his soothing words.

I'm also looking forward for a shopping spree to buy baby stuff. Like the tops and the mittens :) I'm feeling great, being pregnant and all, since I have to work everyday and my work requires me to walk like all the time.

Baby, I know you're gonna be a great child when you're born, a tough one since you went through hardship with me. I can't possibly give you everything in the world, but I can love you more than any love ever known.

Holiday Holiday

After my honeymoon eurotrip and our trip to Singapore a few months back, I haven't been out of Kuala Lumpur yet. I've been busy with my new posting (okay not so new) but the fact that I get 2 days off per week makes my life better than ever, given that I'm in my second going to third trimester, it makes things even better.

In a few weeks I'll be done with this posting and my feet are itching to go for another trip. I can't plan for any holiday outside Malaysia since the travel itself will take some time and I will need to plan carefully in case anything happens along the way. Besides, I'll be in my third trimester already.

Initially I wanted to plan for a trip to Sabah to visit Chia. Since we started working, we haven't seen him at all!!! But we just couldn't fit in the right time, and I guess Baby wants to see Uncle Chia face to face, so we decided to postpone Sabah and go somewhere nearer.

Anyway, I've finally booked rooms for our two trips next month. There's a nice cancellation policy, so I'm rather glad I'm settled with that for now.

When Baby is older, there are a few places I want to travel to. Will definitely make the trip more lively!!!!

For now, I can only look at these pictures and envision myself being there. That will do :) Besides, everything will be worth it when Baby is born. Honestly, I can't waot to hold Baby in my arms :)

Baby Shopping

I'm stepping into the third trimester soon, and now am starting to think about more important things about Baby. For example where will Baby stay when I go to work, when to take my maternity leave and so on.

Initially I wanted to take my leave from 36 weeks, but when I think about it and after a long discussion with Farid, we think it is wise for me to continue on working and be active till my water breaks (or on regular contractions )

After deciding that, we decided that we have to start buying stuff for Baby real soon. It was not easy to decide what we want to buy, and also the budgeting, what more being a new couple.

So, I've divided my baby stuff into a few categories:

1. Travel
I will need to bring Baby to a lot of places, and some might even involve traveling by air. So a good stroller as well as a baby carrier and a car seat will be much in need. Other accessories can come later on :)

2. Bedtime
As we know, babies sleep most of the time. And Baby will definitely need a comfortable place to sleep in. So this category will have
- baby cot
- mattress
- cot set
- pillow
- mini mattress (on the floor)

3. Feeding
I'm planning to fully breastfeed my baby till 6 months, and expressed breast milk once I start working. This is a really important matter to me, as I know the benefits of breast milk to the baby and also the effect that it will have to my body, mainly for contraception :) so this category will have
- breastpump
- storage bottle
- feeding bottle
- steriliser
- warmer
- freezer (I'm getting a new freezer as I would not want my breast milk to be mixed with raw food and infect Baby)

4. Bath
Baby needs a suitable place to bathe. I decided to buy those 'mini swimming pools' to ensure that if anything happens the surrounding is soft and that Baby wont be injured. This category will have
- basin/pool
- soap
- shampoo

I can't list down anything for the clothes category as that will grow in time :)

Other stuff that I would like to buy:

1. Burberry diaper bag.
Trust me when I say if I ever get my hands on this bag it will be the ultimate baby bag. It comes with a changing mat and also it is so stylish that I can bring it around as my handbag as well!

2. Medical related
- thermometer (the only thing I can think about now)

So basically that's it. I'm almost 60% done with buying/booking the stuff, and I'm planning to complete the nursery by Ramadhan as I worry that I wont have much energy that time to walk in the malls (maybe, maybe not)

One thing that can make me really happy these days "mothercare"! Hehe.

Being pregnant is a wonderful feeling, and I don't feel heavy at all, Alhamdulillah. May our journey be blessed, and I can't wait to see you in 3 months :)

Being Active & Pregnant

... Is not easy

I know everyone says that you have to be active when you're pregnant. Apparently it helps with delivery and also post partum, to get back into shape.

Right now I run up and down daily across the hall to attend to my patient, while being scolded by the staffs for being too active.

The aftermath?

Leg cramps more than 4 times in a night. I really beed some kind of solution for my leg cramps as they are getting more frequent and lasts longer :(

But I'm glad that I am not feeling so "heavy." I notice that some people are using the pregnancy as an excuse to rest in the staff room and some of them are not even pregnant and act like so tired. So when I compare myself to them, i think that I score fairly well. I had my bad pregnancy days, but it will only last for a day or two, an I'm back bouncing all around.

My sister in law is getting married next week and I remember imagining myself to be super big and tired and bloated and so tak larat by that time, but surprisingly I can still wear most of my clothes, (with Baby showing off of course) and my skinny jeans from Forever 21 can still be buttoned and zipped. Yay me. But it made Farid change his mind about buying me new clothes. He said that I should get back to my old shape and then only buy new clothes. Pttff....

Oh well. I still need that solution for leg cramps :( anyone? Anyone?

For now, I'll try to limit myself, to not be too active.

But still, I don't think I'll be able to walk like this....

Walk Slowly!

I am always known to walk fast since my school days. Being in a boarding school, we have to manage our time well and have to hurry here and there, so it became a habit for me.

Being pregnant, I keep on getting screamed by the staffs in the ward as I love to walk fast. Its not that I'm rushing, its just that it is my natural habit to walk fast.

Working in a hospital is another reason when I need to walk fast, especially when I am now in charge in the maternity hospital. Everything needs to be done there and there, immediately, so I have no choice but to run up and down all the time. In the way, I'm glad that I am not heavy, and that I rarely feel that I am pregnant during the day and my pregnancy does not prevent me from being an active member of the team.

But the aftermath of being too active when you're 6months++ is that you'll wale up multiple times at night for leg cramps. I used to have leg cramps in highschool when we had to do our march and everything, and almost every night during my first trimester as I was in charge in medical then, so I know the manoeuvres to sooth it. However the almost 5 minute cramp I experienced last night was the worst ever and I just need a solution for this.

So yea, maybe I should consider to walk slowly, IF I can ;)

Some Things Are Never Gone

Have you ever lose something so precious to you? Something that you cherish, but out of pure carelessness you lose it and you can't express how deeply sorry you are that it is gone?

I have.

Last week I lost my wedding ring in my ot scrub. I had to assist as it was an emergency OT (usually guys will do it but it was Friday prayer time) so I just barged in, not realising that the ring was still on my finger till I started to scrub in. Being worried I was late, I took it off and put it in the pocket.

The op ended at 3, but at 7pm I realised that I left it there. That time we were on our way back home, and Farid turned around to look for it.

But it was gone, on the way to the washing centre in Banting, where all the OT scrubs from Klang Valley are washed and sanitised. I made a call to the supervisor, in tears, begging her to please at least try to find it. But on the way home, I told Farid how sorry I was and he just asked me to not think about it.

At 6am the following day, I received a call. They found my ring. In the midst of all the scrubs, my wedding ring was found! I was so happy I couldn't sleep and I was awake all day! Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah!! Call it takdir, destiny or fate, but I know that ring is meant to be on my finger forever :)

This incident made me realise that things that are meant to be yours will never be gone forever. It doesn't have to be something physical, for example if you have been trying so hard to pass a certain test but still fail after multiple attempts, don't lose hope as if it meant to be it will always be. If it is not, there is always something better awaiting.

Same goes to those who are heartbroken. If two people are meant to be with each other, nothing in the world can come in between. But if it is too hard to even be together, then it might not work out, and there must be a reason for it. Stop blaming others or yourself and just move on, and trust me, you'll be happy with what you will find in the end :)

As for me, Farid is making me me leave the ring at home when I go to work (honestly I like the fact when people look at my finger and ask if I'm married and with a big grin I'll say yes) so I am doing that now. Hehe. I don't want to lose it again, not now, not ever! My heart almost stopped beating when I noticed that it is not on my finger!!!!!! I know Farid can always buy me a new ring, with more diamonds and more expensive, but this will always be my favourite ring as it is a symbol of the day he took me to be his wife :)

Stay Safe

Yesterday while I was working mummy told me that there was an earthquake in Dubai.

I immediately had palpitations and chills running down my spine. Even though mummy said everything was okay and that it lasted only for a few minutes, I was scared to death.

You see, I haven't been staying with my parents for a long, long time. And I hate the feeling of distance. I hate distance, as it brings uncertainties and doubtfulness. I don't know if mummy is really telling the truth or if she is hiding the real situation from me.

I am really grateful that nothing happen. I want my parents to be able to be with me when I deliver my baby, to be able to look into the eyes of their first born grandchild and see Baby grow up, go to school and everything else.

I miss my parents, mummy and daddy, and five times a day I would kneel before God, praying for their safety and comfort, and for us to be reunited again as a family in summer.

Flicks & Flickers

Lately Baby has been moving more and more. Most of the time that Baby will be moving is when I lay down to rest, or if I've just started work. I read somewhere that talking to your unborn child will make it accustomed to your voice and it will sooth the baby. So everyday when I wake up I'll wake Baby up as well :) And talk to Baby as we go through the day, like "Let's go to work my dear", or "I'm hungry. Let's look for Papa and find something to eat."

Sometimes I will purposely ask Baby to move, and when Baby does, that is the happiest feeling ever! It is so wonderful to actually feel life from within you!

When I put Farid's hand on my tummy to feel Baby's movements, all he asked me was, "Was that your tummy?" -.-" I understand that those movements are actually very soft still, but it is kinda funny to see Farid's face concentrating really hard to feel the movements. I think because Baby has just learned to wiggle, not to punch yet. Hehe.

I passed the halfway mark in my pregnancy and honestly nowadays am feeling much better about myself and my appetite. I even can eat fish!!! One thing that worries me is my haemoglobin level which is not picking up. The specialist said that I should take the higher end hematinics, and given my nature of work, I think I should. I'm also trying to fill myself with nourishing food most of the time - fruits, salads, vitamins and everything else that is good for Baby's development. It is difficult sometimes as I have to eat out and stuff, but so far it is okay :)

This morning while in the Operation Theatre Baby was super excited. Baby kept on moving causing me to giggle while doing the procedure. Guess someone got a good sleep last night, huh?

I can't wait to hold Baby in my arm. Imagining all the things we'll do together, places we will go. I'm really excited yet nervous for motherhood. But I believe that this is the best for me and I should be prepared. After all, we still have a few months till we can see each other face to face, isn't it sayang?

Emotionally Abused

I don't understand people who simply scolds for no reason, just because he/she is at a higher rank than others. I understand that some people get disappointed when the people under them are unable to perform as expected, but life itself is a learning process and we will never stop learning till the day we die.

Sometimes I wonder if these people have a past so traumatising till they have to let it out on others. It looks like they have gone through a lot, or just simply unsatisfied with life, which to me is sad.

Is it fun to be hated, to be avoided? I wonder this too. I don't understand the joy in hurting others, I really don't. Sometimes we don't hate our work, we just hate the people we're working with. And I honestly think that it is a big sin to be changing someone's niat from helping other people at work to just surviving the day.

I know that there are a lot of people like this around. But I pray hard so that I wont become one of them.