Sunday, July 31, 2011

My Wish

I hope I can be in Melaka for the last iftar of this year's Ramadhan. I miss that feeling so much :')

Ramadhan al-kareem :)

Dear friends,
Let us all welcome the month of Ramadhan with joy and happiness, and let us all be grateful to be able to meet with this holy and blessful month.

It has been a difficult year, yet it has taught me a lot, and for that I am grateful.

I hope this could be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives, better drom the last one, and let us all embrace this month and make it part of our living.

With love,

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Missing Them

... just so much

Ms. Aziah Ab Rani

When I first found out that kakak was getting married, the first thing I did was cry. I never thought it would ever come this fast, and soon she'll be someone's wife. It felt as if a huge part of me will be gone, and I felt so lonely, more than I ever was.

We were really close since young. She's my bestfriend, my sister, the place where I tell all my secrets and share all my tears and joy. I look up to her in everything that she does. There are times when we will disagree, but we can never stay mad at each other for long. We were brought up to appreciate and cherish the sibling bond that we share. And for that, I am really grateful.

Kakak is not the type of sister who would actually show how she feels. You don't know if she is mad at you, or just plain worried because her reaction will always be the same. But she has always been so garang since we were younger, and I guess I'm used to that aleady :p

As we grew older, things got in our way. But it does not mean that we were less close. We don't even have to talk to each other, but we understood. There were even times when we would have the same hint of something that is going to happen. And I think somehow we are able to read each other's mind. I believe most siblings have that 'feel' and you can just look into each others eyes and understand.

Then Farouk came into the picture. Honestly, I would accept whoever my sister chooses, as long as that person makes her happy. So Farouk, please shower my sister with love and happiness till her last breath. She's yours now, so keep her safe.

I have never seen my sister so happy before. The gleam in her eyes, her skin that glows, everything. And I'm glad finally she married the person she loved.

Her akad was on the 15th of July, a simple ceremony, followed by two receptions on the following day, and last weekend was the reception in Johor Bahru.

I wish you all the best in life, by the side of the man you love. I won't deny that I will be lonely not having you around, and that I won't have anyone to go to in the middle of the night, but don't worry about me, I'll try to be fine. Make sure that Farouk makes you happy, if not he has to face both adik and I, and believe me, he won't like that. We will always be sisters, and I want you to know that no matter what, I wil be there for you.
I will definitely miss you.

And yes, I don't say this often but I love you, and I wish for you all the happiness the world couldever give. Take care, and be good!

Making It Right

Sometimes we are often caught in the middle, not being able to choose between what is right and what we want. We want things to remain the same as they always were, denying the fact that every single thing in this world would undergo change, no matter how small it is.

I'm trying to make something right though it is not really my call. I'm kinda like caught, and I have no way of going out.

Everything has been settled except for this one bit, and I don't want to live my life doing nothing. I've been silent, waiting, listening, as at that time any spoken word may result in damage. But now I don't have to hide anymore, as I'm afraid of nothing. No one can harm me if I want to make this right, but still, I can't do this alone. I could, but it will be weird, super weird.

I don't want to be labelled as someone who tries to ruin someone's life, but I believe my silence has made me look as if I'm guilty of all the accusations and the harsh words thrown by others to me. I can't say anything at that time, as for one thing, it is not my story, and the other one, I had to make sure the person I cared the most would not face any trouble if I ever voice out my opinions.

But now everything is a history, in the past. So I would like to make things straight. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to go talking behind people's back, having an ill feeling of going somewhere because of whispers and face-making.

I want to make one thing clear, I am hurt too. I'm a girl, and I have feelings too. I'm not as heartless as you think I might be, or whatever you may think for that matter. I just decided to not give a damn and just go on. But the whispers and face-making are holding me back. Please, if you are not involved, don't judge. No matter what story you've heard. If you feel like getting involved, why don't you come and talk yo me and listen to MY side of the story?

I'm waiting, for you to ask me, all of you, and I'll tell you what really happened from my side of the story, and after that, if you still want to keep on judging, you are most welcome, as after that, I would have nothing else againts you.

Just because I look happy does not mean I don't feel as much pain and undergoing as much sorrow.

Saturday, July 23, 2011


This is another fully booked weekend.

Friday: Firdaus & Atikah's wedding
Saturday: Dr. Shu's class and off to Johor for the reception
Sunday: reception in JB

I would like to apologize in advance to Apis for not being able to attend his wedding ceremony. Got you your wedding gift, the performance :p . But make sure to return him back, okay? Hahahah..

There's news. Bad and good. To be shared next time :)

Happy weekend peeps!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Service Charges

A few weeks back I went to a network provider outlet in Alamanda to purchase a microsim. Apparently, since it is not the service centre, they asked me to pay RM20 just to cut the sim!

Have you ever seen the sim cutter before? It is not even operated by electricity nor battery! Imagine a paper puncher *I don't know if this is the correct term, but whateva*, just insert your simcard, clip it, and it becomes a microsim!

Are you freaking mad? When I asked what the RM20 is for, the lady claimed it is for service charges. Like seriously, RM20 for something that would not require you to even lift both hands. -.-

I purchased the simcard anyway, and headed to the phone stalls located near the cinema area. And guess what? I managed to change my simcard into a microsim for only RM2! With RM20 I would be able to cut 10 simcards already!

Sometimes the charges are just insanely mad. Please don't just accept it unless you are really In a rush or you have cash to just throw away, then I suggest you can walk through the mall and survey other stalls for better deals. I did not opt for the service centre as it would cost me just as much. There is a reason why I went to Alamanda and not other places. Maybe next time I should reconsider of going to the service centre rather than being cheated by a sales girl.

Btw, just found out how to facetime via 3G!!! Fine, call me outdated, but at least I found it :p
Anyone wants to recommend any other interesting apps?

Turning Tables

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you,
you to just desert me
I can't give you,
what you think you give me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

No one says it better than Adele~

Somehow this song kinda give me that feeling. I don't know how to describe how it is. Just like your heart being tugged out and you're left with nothing. That feeling of suffocate where suddenly all air is taken away from you. To the point you're gasping for the slightest oxygen to be able to survive.

And this song reminds me of London. Am missing my little monsters. :'(

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Because I Knew You

We might not be together, ever again

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

So You Think You're So Good?

I have no problem with pious people, those who are religious and are willing to advice others into goodness. In fact, I look up on these people, especially those who gives positive critisism to peope, encouraging change towards to goodness and everything in between. I have always adore those who are religious, and someday, God willing, would want to be part of those who leads that life.

I know I'm not a perfect muslim, I have my flaws. But an incident happening on the day of my sisters wedding made me think if some, and I repeat that, SOME of these people who think they are just good enough to use harsh, unintelligent words to other people.

You say you follow the Islamic way of living, your lifestyle and all, you say you have your limits. But is it not stated in the Quran that the way you talk to another is also important? Sometimes it is not easy to say out what you feel if you think someone is doing something that to you is not right. But it is a different story of how you actually say it.

I'm not interested to elaborate on the details, but just to make it clear, it is my sister you are talking to, and no one, I repeat NO ONE hurts my sister! I don't know who you are, I don't know how you look like and I would rather not. Just pray that your business won't burn into ashes.

For me, I don't care if you are wearing a hijab or reciting the Quran every single day if the words that comes out from your mouth and your actions are lower than those who appear sinful in your eyes.

For one thing, you are not God to judge someone just by their looks, what they wear and so on. Even a book is not judged by its cover. What matters most is your heart. And your heart is reflected by your actions and your words. You can only pretend for so long till people will be able to see right through you.

I am still trying to be a better muslimah, and for that I apologize for my wrong doing. I admit that it is difficult to listen to critisism, but I'm still learning. I can be defensive as well, but never take me as a stone-hearted person. But you mister, you are plain rude. I might not be perfect, but I still know what is right and wrong. Would you want someone to talk like that to YOUR sister? Would you want people to talk about you. It is simple mathematics. I tell my family and friends, they tell theirs. And the list goes on and on. And in the end? You'll be out of business. And us? We wont be even able to recall your name.

And for judging, don't let your immature judgement blind the way you treat a person. There is always two sides of a story. It is better to be neutral than judgemental.

I was so angry the minute I heard the news I thought if I ever met him I would ripe his head off.*harrypottermode* wicked!! Lolz.

Please, I pray I will never in my life cross path with you again. Thanks so much for doing the favour of not coming.

Monday, July 18, 2011


..... are hard.

It may be hard for the person who is leaving, but is always harder for the person left behind.

Anyone wants to argue that statement?

I know I am rather biased here, as I have never left, but I've been left behind. And I know how it feels. It hurts. Even more when you long for the comfort and attention.

And suddenly when you're about to move on you've been put on pause once more. Tell me if it is fair. Tell me. And I might believe you.

And no, I can't go down that road anymore. Not now.

Fight for somone who loves you in return. Not just someone you love wholeheartedly only to be left waiting for nothing.

Officially Exhausted

My most tiring weekend, yet fun. I went back to Kelantan for kakak's wedding *pictures to be uploaded later* and I had a blast. Can't believe that my sister is actually someone's wife, and to think about it, having someone I know for so long as a brother. Okay, not THAT long, but I was once close to Farouk and he's a really nice guy. I've never seen kakak as happy before.

So the akad was on Friday night and we had two receptions on Saturday. *Sunday is a working day in Kelantan* We hardly had time to catch our breath! Even kakak was almost hypoglyceamic during the night receptions. And to be honest, I don't think I had that much pictures.

But I had fun.

This weekend is another long weekend, where the reception in JB will take place. It is only Monday but I'm hoping it to be Friday. Hehe.

I hope adik will be able to join us though. She's having her trials on the 8th, so yea.

Now I'm home alone. It feels really weird, but I'm trying to not think about it too much. I miss having kakak around. It is not like we talk for hours, but just knowing she's in the house makes me feel secure, and supported. Not I would have to learn to stand on my two feet, just praying I wont fall

Thursday, July 14, 2011

One More Day

To kakak's wedding

Mood: excited

Please pray that everything will run smoothly

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Last Heartbeat

Death is not easy to anyone, nor will it ever be. No matter at what age you are, and what you have achieve in life, death is the one reminder that you have your roots to hold on to, and so that you will never ever forget where you come from, and where you will someday be.

It does not matter if it is a news from someone close to you, or someone you hardly know. Or even if everyday you live your life dealing with it, you will never ever be strong enough to take it all in and say, I'm okay. Even if it is expected, what more when it is not.

Today, again, I witness death before my eyes. I realize that this line of profession that I choose will make people look and me and say, 'don't you expect that to happen?' Expecting and accepting are two different words, and different meaning.

I still remember the first time I saw the final moments of a little boy alive. And today, it was a girl. Though the scenario was different - there were screams and cries everywhere during the last one, this one was calmer - but the impact it had on me was still the same. Shaken, I was.

And there wasn't a single dry eye at the scene after the incident.

I pray that the little girl will be in Jannah, waiting for her mama who had patiently raised her up, despite her known condition. May Allah bless her soul, and her parents as well.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Would You Be...

.... my guardian angel?

... I promise I'll always be yours, come what may.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Everything Happens For a Reason

We learn that everything in life does not happen simply. The moon, the stars the sun. Everything will happen for a reason, and if we look closer, we will find the answer to our questions. Sometimes things are not always what they seem. People will be pretentious, people will manipulate. It then comes down to your heart. What does it say when you need to make that decision?

I learn today that some people could be just selfish, manipulating people for years and years just for their own benefit. In the end, will that satisfy them? I don't have that answer. I don't know.

Curiousity is a trait that could kill you in the end, or it could be the reason you will be able to move on.

To you,
No matter what happens in the future, I promis I will be by your side. You've been through a lot these years, things you never deserve to endure. It is difficult when you finally found out that the one person that you trust the most is the person who has been playing and toying with you feelings all along. And for that, a lot of people has become victims in this drama. But everything is over, and now it is the time to move on. Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. I never wanted anything more than to see you happy. No matter what it takes. I promise.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


All my troubles seems so far away........

I went to wind orchestra competition 2011 in PICC today. Can't remember the last time I went to that competition, but it was years ago. But those were the best days in my life. And I miss every single part of it. I'm glad I bumped into Ain, and was quiet sad when I realize that I don't know a lot of people. It's a different generation, different faces. But the feeling was exactly the same as I walked through the doors of that hall. It was overwhelming, and almost choking me.

I miss everything about yesterday.

Friday, July 1, 2011

And If Tomorrow

we ever meet again

will there still a place in your heart

for the love that we had once

for that moment on and till forever?

And if tomorrow

we ever meet again

will there still be time to be love by you

to keep this heart safe

till forever?