All I Need

Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me I would love him alone, and forever

The heart is fragile, easily broken into pieces. Sometimes you tend to keep a feeling inside it and it just remains there as a feeling. Each time you try to address it, it seems surreal, and you feel that you're safe, there's nothing to worry about. Then the time comes when you finally say out the words, and the feeling runs through your body like and electric current, consuming you, taking you in. Each nerve in your body screams to allow this feeling drowns you in, taking you down, and you're left with nothing.

You feel scared, and lonely and insecure. Not knowing what to do. The feeling gets so strong and you feel so tired of fighting.

I never knew that life could be this complicated. Yes, I've seen it in movies, I've read it in books, but to actually live a drama of my own? I don't know. I never thought my life is more interesting than anyone else are. I've always pictured myself to have a simple life, one I don't have to worry about, smooth sailing with minimal bumps on the road as I drive through.

Then it happened. Feeling things I never thought I would feel, not knowing what to do. All the time I gave reasons to avoid my heart from braking, to hold myself together, to act strong, to just smile though it hurts every part of me. I tried to act like nothing matters, that I didn't care.

But I do care, and I do worry, and I do want to know.

And it kills me.

I found the answers I was looking for, though it did not ensure security to my feelings. In constant fear I am, that it will someday be over, be gone, leaving me to break into pieces, and no one would ever care.

I can tell the world that I didn't mean to hurt, but who would believe me?

All I need is just someone who I know will be there. I can give all the time, the allowance, and try to understand each and every move, and I'll try to do the same.

There were times when I tried to run away, to hide what I feel. But each time I tried, wherever I go, I can't go far. I can't help myself from being drawn towards the attraction, and all my agony fades away, when you hold me in your embrace.

Mixed emotions? Yea, definitely my thing right now. This song explains it really well!!!

All my agony fades away
When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down
What's left of me
For all i need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe

I first listened to this song in The Vampire Diaries, when Damon and Elena *faints!* danced during the Miss Mystic Falls. The video of the dance is here! Even the official music video is cool! I think she's cute =)

I'm listening to this song for like a thousand times! Thank goodness I'm in a single room right now. Heeee =)

Not Just Another Day

It's the 27th of June!~

For most of you, it might just be another day, waking up and doing the same routine. But it is not for me. It is....

Syazz's Birthday!!!

I wish her all the happiness in the whole wide world, all the love she could find and all the strength and courage to face this challenging world.

Right now, she is celebrating her birthday in Yogjakarta along with the volcanoes. Haha. I miss you Syazz!~

I found a friend who I know I could trust with all my heart. Thank you Syazz. I love you!

Friends till the end.

Holiday Season!~

So, it is officially 2 weeks since I last read anything about medicine. And how do I feel about it? Bliss and elated! Haha. Being in Dubai made me feel like it has been so long since I met my friends, and I feel like this holiday is stretching out way too long. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I want to bury my head in books again, I just miss my friends =(

My parents are finally back this weekend for Summer and adik is also at home due to some misfortune *fortunate for her* and the whole family is back together. Yup, I am happy!

I have yet another three weeks of holiday, and I have no idea what to do. Help me!~

For now, let me share you a song in my head :) It's super cute and I love every single word of it. Heee.

Dinie!!!!

On the 21th of April 2010, we welcomed another member into the family.. Abang Pit and Kak Rosha's first baby, Mohd. Dinie Ifad was born at 38 weeks of gestation *Ok, enough with O&G*.

Anyway, I only had the honour to see him almost two months after that, on my cousin's wedding in Melaka last weekend. I wanted to attend his shaving ceremony but I had to be a mamma remember? Hee...

When I first saw him I was like.... "OMG, can I hold him???"


What can I say? He's cute!!!!!!!

Today he is 2 months and 2 days old. Grow up to be a refined young man my love.

So, as promised, I gave him a bottle sterilizer to ensure his bottles are well cleaned before his next meal. I even gave him a cute baby Pooh dress. I was waiting for him to come back from shopping, and when he did, I had to wait till he woke up to put it on him. Well, here it is.... See!!!!


He's so handsome! Haha. He'll be going back to Kedah on Friday, and God knows when I'm gonna see him again. Take care little Dinie. Gonna miss you so much. And don't forget your Aunty Nana =) Heeeeeeeeee. Love you so much!

Do You Ever Stop Loving?

People come and people leave, leaving footprints all over your heart. Some of them are just tiny bits and pieces that would eventually be erased with time, and some leaves bigger ones, which remains in your heart. We meet people everyday and fall in love. Then, our hearts get broken, shattered into a million pieces.

The feeling of heartbreak is just unbearable, it's like there's a huge hole inside you that you could never be able to fill in. A hollow feeling, where nothing seems to be in place anymore and you just don't want to wake up and face another day. It feels like nothing matters anymore.

But do you really stop loving the person you once loved? The person you once held in your heart for so long, the person you once shared your every dream? I would say no.

Yes, hearts get broken, but it doesn't get smaller. It just heals, though not the same, but it's different. You will find the strength to expand it even more, to give space to another person. This new person may never fill in the hole that was once created, but will create a new comfort, where you'll be fine once more. The heart will keep on expanding, giving room to each person you want to love, if you just learn to love them.

Someone once asked me, how to forget the person they once loved.

The answer is simple.. - You never do.

That person will forever have a place in your heart, but the new person will shine brighter. Just like a constellation of stars in a midnight sky. You don't see them all, but every single one of them is shining upon you. You will only see the brightest of them all, and that's the person you really love and cherish your whole life.

Love is never lost. Love is never replaced.

Sometimes a person leaves you just because he or she found another sparkling star in their lives. It might sound cruel, but it happens. And one day, you'll find a brighter star to wish upon. You heart wont be broken forever and new love will come definitely.

There are time when you don't get to tell the person you love that you love them, and then the chance that you had just passes by. Fate sometimes has its own twist and turn your luck around, but sometimes you just regret the day you didn't say those words.

Love is a gift you give yourself.

A Knot Tied Forever

I've been close to Kak Ija since I could ever remember. She's my cousin living in Melaka and during holidays I would spend the whole time in Melaka with all my cousins. It used to be a mad house, where everyone will be enjoying ourselves and doing crazy things together. I remember playing badminton in min afternoon till we were scolded by nenek, sewing dresses for our barbies, playing cards and watching movies together. There used to be an old building in front of our house in a Minangkabau style attached to the rest of our house where we would consider it as our playhouse and sometimes it feels like that part is going to fall down anytime!!!

I love all my cousins. We're close, even closer than siblings. It's like there's a bond between all of us that made us inseparable even after so many years have gone by. You might think that it's just like another relative, but in reality it is not. We defend each other through good and bad times, always with each other to face challengers and tease each other all the time!!

So much time has passed, though looking back, it feels as if only yesterday we had those childish fights about who would want to pick the channel and so on. Now most of my cousins, I mean those more than 25 are married with one or more or on the way children. Even so, our family bond is still strong, especially when we are together, we would talk and tease each other non-stop!

Last weekend I was hardly online as it was an extremely busy weekend for me. Kak Ija, my lovely cousin is finally tying the know with the love of her life, Firdaus. I don't know much about this Firdaus since I'm busy with classes and I seldom see him since he got engaged to my cousin, but I'm glad the whole ceremony ran through smoothly. =)

On Friday, 18th June 2010, at 3.30 pm, Firdaus finally said those words of promise to share a lifetime with my cousin, and with just one breath, they are husband and wife. A wedding bracelet was given as a symbol of forever love and eternity =)

Kak Ija then had her photoshoot sessions with A LOT of dresses, but I did not take all the photos as I would be disturbing the photographer's job =P

I was in charge of making sure all the kids were at their best behaviour for the day and that they will not create any scene. I warn you, we have a LOT of kids in our family, and this is not even half of them!!! Haha..

That night the "Berinai Besar" Ceremony was held. Kak Ija wore a beautiful dress and waited for her husband to come at the entrance of our house. Both bride and groom walked under a constellation of fireworks. Honestly, I'm scared of loud noises and fireworks aren't much of an exception. LOL. But I still think it was beautiful.


The night ended with an extremely loooong karaoke session and I danced the night away with cute little Huda =) She's SUPER adorable! Not to mention, blur too!! Hehe.




On Saturday, 19th June 2010 was the reception on our side, the bride's reception. I tried waking up as early as possible as my jetlag has not fully recovered. I got ready and immediately ask all my cousins to line up to get their make up done. I'm not good in doing the make up, but I'd rather see them with some colours on their faces rather than a pale I-just-woke-up face. I even put make up on my two adorable nieces Husna and Huda!

The guests started to arrive at about 10+ and we had to get ready very fast as most of us woke up at 9+. I wasn't even ready when the Berzanji group arrived. LOL.



It was a hot sunny day, a perfect day for a wedding. The guests were flowing well, everyone got a good seat and a good meal. The live band played wonderful songs, and I even performed a song especially dedicated to everyone who came that day =)
At about 2.50pm the groom arrived and once again they were put on parade before going up on the stage where everyone would be able to see and give their blessings. They were just beautiful, a match made in heaven, simply stunning and adorable. Oh, I was suddenly appointed as the bridesmaid and had to carry Kak Ija's long veil. Haha.



After the blessing ceremony, they headed to the main tent to have the formal lunch. As usual, I played my role helping to give the door gifts to the V.I.P which were the groom's family.


After the lunch ended, the guests started to lessen and we were lucky enough to taste the bride's food!!! Heee.. MY favourite part of all! Haha. I love the prawns and the red beef. Hehe. While I was eating, I was called for the photo session! Haha. I warned everyone NOT to take MY prawns =P



My parents head to the airport that very evening and both my sisters went back to Cyberjaya too. It was a great wedding, yet at the end of the day we were exhausted!! Oh, not to forget, the latest edition of our family, Mohd Dinie Ifad was also there!!! He's almost two months old and 101% cute! Oh, he's Abg Pit and Kak Rosha's first son, born in April =)

Today is the reception for the groom but sadly I could not attend as I followed mama home. I'm really sorry! =( I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I love you so much Kak Ija. Be happy!

Lots of love XOXO

Happy Father's Day!!

Today's Father's day!! Haha. Honestly, I've never celebrated it with my daddy before, as his birthday was just last month and we would celebrate it together with mummy's birthday =)

But anyway, it is a special day dedicated to all the dad's in the world! So to those who still have the chance to hug and kiss your father, do so. If not, you'd regret the day when you do not have that privilege anymore.

Daddy, we love you so much.

Mummy and daddy at the world tallest building =)

ps: Haven't been online for days! Will update about my weekend soon!~ =)

My Day.

I arrived at KLIA approximately at 6.10 this morning, waking up to a smooth landing. Having so many experiences on a plane enables me to judge if the pilot could able to land the plane smoothly or not. And this one, I'd give it a 9.5.

I waited in KLIA for our bags, only to find out that one of our bags have gone missing!!!! Thankfully, the bag contained food and a pair of high heels, but the high heels were adik's new Nine West heels that she was supposed to wear for the wedding this weekend. Poor adik =( Huu. But I guess you'll get a new one anyway.

After breakfast, which I didn't find so nice, I head home.

I'm currently finishing a novel I bought right after my final exams last week. Only a few more pages to go, and I'd be done.

But what I'm worried about is that I will have to move out of this house in a week, and I haven't pack anything yet!!!! Sigh. Maybe I'll start packing as soon as I come back from the wedding.

I must TRY to get some sleep. Tomorrow I'll be driving and I don't want to be dozing off behind the wheel. God forbid!

And right now I am in desperate need of advice on orange, pink and nude makeup! Any suggestions anyone?

I guess I'll be updating again if I can't sleep later. LOL.

Waiting..

I'm waiting for my dad to come back and we'll be leaving to the airport immediately. I'm going back to Malaysia today, and I'm having mixed emotions about it.

Firstly, everyone, I mean almost everyone is leaving Dubai. Faidhi is going to Malaysia to do pre-U there and after a year he'll be leaving for Canada. Haziq and Luqman are moving to Saudi and Adi is coming back to work in Malaysia.

Though I still have my local friends, Marwa, Radha, Reem and a lot more, I still love the company of my Malaysian friends. I still have Anum *if she does not move to Malaysia too*, and other people along with kids, but those people are the closest to me here. Anum, sorry didn't get to see you this time in Dubai, will see you in Malaysia NEXT WEEK!!! Haha.

Dubai has brought a lot of memories, shaped my life and being a part of me. I can't imagine if suddenly daddy and mummy decided to leave too =(

Well, I have a list of things to do once I'm back in Malaysia and I only have one day before I go back to Melaka for the wedding.

Gotta get going. My flight's in a few hours and we haven't had lunch yet. Maybe having lunch in the airport later...

Adi, thanks for the seats!! =) See you in Malaysia!!!!

Faidhi, gimme your number as soon as you LAND in Malaysia. Haha..

Guess that's all from me, till I arrive in Malaysia...


From Dubai with love!~

Love Poem

Poetry is a way of expressing how you feel without putting it into a too mushy2 kinda way. It's a language of love and it has been around for centuries.

I'm not talking about love as in couple love. I'm talking about friendship love, when you know that the person will always be there though how bad you look or what you've done. Someone to stand by your side in hardship, sorrow and everything else in between.

Today I'm going back to Malaysia after a week in Dubai. I cam here last Thursday, and I missed a lot since it is our last posting for year three. I missed the grand reflection, I missed the wedding, I missed the barbecue.

Sigh, being so far away makes me feel like it has been ages since I last saw my friends, and for that I miss them dearly.

I opened our group email and saw an email bidding goodbye followed by a few responses. Three of my friends created wonderful poems to show how much they loved being in this group, and I would like to share it here.

The first poem is written by Zubair, and I call him ZubZub. He's always been in my group, during all the 5 postings. I mean, in my subgroup. Meaning, I travel to Terendak with him and all. He's a very fun guy to hang out with, loves to sing and tease people. This is what he wrote..

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And you guys left with yesterday
Left with the memories...

I always think of you guys and i smile
And be happy for the time..

The time that we had together

Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget, so don't forget
The memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you guys
And you guys are there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time that was yours and mine

And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories ..
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
We'll never know again

Please remember, please remember , Please remember ME

Beautiful, ey? I would give him a standing ovation if he were to read this poem in front all of us. You go Zub!~

The second poem is written by Abe Mus. Hehe. This guy is funny and he's like a brother to me. I'd go to him whenever I'm sad or have problems, and I'd spend hours laughing with him when we're happy. Abe, I pray that you'll be happy, always. And I am always your little sister =)

Waking up today I feel very happy

Nothing to do nothing to read

No SDL, TBL or BSTs

This is my holiday, my end of year three

And then there’s this wedding of Mum & Jimmy

But now I realize

I woke up this morning I felt lonely

No one to talk to, no one to see

My friends they went back, they flee

All I have left is this computer and me

It made me think

How much I love and miss all my Group 5 friends

Hope this relationship till last will extend

Hope I can see y’all every now and then

Cause I love you guys, over and over again

As time goes by and fly and fly and fly

And everybody is great and flying high

Even if you’re not you and I’m not me

And to talk like we used to; will not be likely

Please don’t forget me, remember to say hi

Cause inside our heart there’s a spot called Group 5

Sweet right? I love reading this.. Hehe..

The last poem was written by our singer, Farid. Haha. This guy is a very talented singer, a good friend, a shoulder to cry on, a secret keeper and everything in between. Haha.

I look at the crystal moon

In a calm night at my window

I look at the white cloud

In the windy day at my lawn

I wonder are they feeling as I feel

The feeling that I never had before for the past few months

You filled my life, you filled my day

You taught me to care

You taught me to love

Day by day, time pass by

And now I realise

I never felt those 10 months are too long

Dark isn’t night

Bright isn’t day

I search the words

I search the sentence

If they can match

How much I miss u, lonely without you

Like a brother and his sister

Like a sun and earth

Like a sea and fishes

What else that I can say

What word that I can use

To describe how strong our friendship

It’s a lonely day

No more you, you and you

You are my sister, you are my brother

And you are my family

You always here

Lying deep in my heart, forever...

Guys, miss u all.. Lonely without korang..

Nice, right? It's beautifully being put together, the words and all.

I never thought my friends could be so talented =) Weeeeeee..

Sigh, I miss group 5!!!