Kids 101

When I was in medical school I've always loved the paediatric posting as I love love love kids. From being so lazy to go to the hospital, I'll become super rajin! Paediatrics posting requires a lot of patience and also reading in the same time.

Last week I entered the paediatrics posting as a doctor. You see, being a doctor and a medical student is wayyyyyy different in ways a person could understand it is to undergo it. The responsibilities, the courage and the confidence should double up every single day.

Yes, I think I'm in love with this specialty. Not only did I not mind not being able to sleep all night, I enjoyed it! I had my first night call and it was a rough one. But I loved every second of it.

Its not easy entertaining an ill child as compared to a healthy child. Ill children can be extremely grumpy, fretful, uncooperative and sometimes they'll just scream for no reason. That sweet little girl or boy you once knew will disappear! That is why I think being a paediatrician takes up even more courage and confidence, and also the ability to run a certain procedure towards the child that you know will hurt but it is for their own good.

Since I'll be on my maternity leave, I think I should start reading for my masters examination. Its not easy to study and work in the same time, especially as a housemen, so I think I'm gonna pursue this opportunity. Another blessing of becoming pregnant during housemenship!

On another note, Baby did not sleep throughout the night as well, kept on tossing and turning in my tummy. Farid is still doing the 7-10 shift, so our times clashed really badly yesterday :( I think someone misses papa so much. Definitely gonna be daddy's little angel in no time. Haha.

Post Partum

I've learned and seen patients with post partum depression during my psychiatry rotation when I was a medical student. Some people may say that 'meroyan' is just a myth and does not happen, but in reality it is something that is recognised as a medical condition that can happen to anyone.

I've been preparing for Baby's arrival with genuine excitement and in the same time palpitations. There are times when I question myself if I can be a good mother, will I be able to provide the needful for my child and will he/she grow up to be a good muslim? I know there is no answer to all these questions but what I have to do is to try try and try till I get it right.

I have a bunch of friends who has already been through the post partum period and according to them, post partum depression is as real as it gets! One of my friend's sister even developed the feeling of hatred towards her husband and filed for divorce, only to withdraw it back - thank goodness! One of my friend cried every single night for months and another just went adhedonia and refused to hold her baby!!!! 

You see, during pregnancy, a woman's body undergo a lot of changes. At the stage of delivery, the body has to endure pain that has never been experienced before, a pain that only a woman's body can go through, and after all that, the hormones in the body will go haywire and needed to be reset back to normal. 

The process of resetting the hormones along with managing the baby is the part where the mind will be in torture, and that is when post partum depression and baby blues happen.

To all husbands with pregnant or soon to be pregnant wives, please do not take advantage of this situation and seek other pleasures outside. Your wife needs you the most at that time, and all you can do is just endure her temper and play along. For all you know, she'll be better in no time.

As for me, every night I'm praying that I'll be fine. It really is scary, and Farid has limited leave that he can take to spend time with me and baby later. I'm scared that my emotion and thoughts will get out of control, I'm scared that I won't be who I am, who I should be. I'm scared.

But most women eventually get over these symptoms, and I'm praying hard to be one of them who gets it for only a brief moment or doesn't get it at all.

The Next Chapter

Alhamdulillah I'm finally done with obstetrics & gynaecology. When I first entered this posting 4 months ago, I thought the posting will never end. It seemed like forever!!! My friends and I even counted down the weeks to show how much we despised being in the posting.

Eventually we stopped counting down and just went with the flow. Days started to be easier to pass by and we had so much fun. I honestly like working as I'm passionate, but it's the people that makes an environment intolerable. But in the same time, there are people who makes it bearable. And of course, the patients who smile, talk and thank you despite being in a 'microwave' all day.

And finally it ended. I'm glad and I don't think I'll miss it. Honest. But I'll definitely miss my patients and a handful of people who helped me make it through.

So yea, moving on to my next posting - Paediatrics. I've always been fond of children and I am even planning to specialise in this field God willing :) My plan after Baby is born is to study for my part one, and for good spacing between my children, part of my plan to be a working mom :)

I'm gonna start the next rotation on Saturday. Yes, we doctors work on weekends and public holidays :P I'm hoping that this rotation will treat me well, as I'm already in my third trimester, and with Ramadhan coming soon, I definitely need to be well prepared for any possibility.

We went for a checkup today, and the doctor said that she is expecting about 8 weeks instead of 10. Haha. I'm just hoping and praying to be able to deliver vaginally, and have a healthy child. Ameen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA AQEELA!! We love you so much!!

Counting My Blessings

For still being able to run, jog and jump in the ward despite beig scolded for being too active

For being able to eat things that I crave

For a splendid holiday with my love one

For an almost uneventful pregnancy (minus the premature contractions postcalls)

For supporting friends who gets more worried than me at times, really, thank you SO much

For family, who are always, always there when I need to complain

For people who ask how I'm doing

For Baby to behave so well in my tummy

And for a husband that loves me so much he stays up whenever I get leg cramps and massages me, and tries to make my day better. I couldn't go through a day in my pregnancy without you, sayang.

Of Dresses, Cries and Being Strong

I've been squeezing into my chiffons and loose blouses since the early of my pregnancy, and thankfully everything fits me just nice. Even at 6 months ++ of gestation, I am still able to wear my skinny jeans from Forever 21 and most of my peplum blouses.

As I approached my 7th month, I noticed that my tummy os growing exponentially. And last week I finally succumb to the fact that I can't wear my skinny jeans without keeping the fly open.

I haven't been buying any maternity wear that much, and I was never a big fan of maxi dresses, or any dress for that matter. I'm always comfortable in jeans and blouses. Mummy has been really excited from the beginning of my pregnancy and has bought quite a number of maternity wear for me, mostly formal, for work stuff, you know. If I were to go out, I'd just wear my House of Doll cape blouse or any chiffon blouse that I have and I'll be fine.

Last night we went back to my in-law's house for dinner, since we wont be coming back next week. MIL decided for a dinner outside and excitedly I rushed to my room to change (I was working earlier, so changing is something I look forward to after a day at work) Then I froze in front of my closet, I have NOTHING to wear! Most of by chiffons are at my apartment, and I'm only left with those which won't even button up!

At first Farid was helping me to find something decent to wear, but I ended up sobbing in his arms. I'm tired, I feel really big and bloated and I have nothing to wear. He promised for a shopping day tomorrow (which I will definitely claim) to buy some chiffon maxi dresses that could be worn even after the baby pops out!

I'm really grateful to have Farid in my life, as he just knows the right thing to say at the right time, though sometimes it doesn't really make things better. I'm glad he tries though, and I feel sorry for still feeling sad after his soothing words.

I'm also looking forward for a shopping spree to buy baby stuff. Like the tops and the mittens :) I'm feeling great, being pregnant and all, since I have to work everyday and my work requires me to walk like all the time.

Baby, I know you're gonna be a great child when you're born, a tough one since you went through hardship with me. I can't possibly give you everything in the world, but I can love you more than any love ever known.