Online Kissing

Because it makes my day seeing your little smile :)

And boosts my study mood!

Heee

At This Very Moment

I miss you... All of you. :'(

With Time

... You learn to grow up, or time doesn't wait for you. To mature and be responsible for mistakes you've made and words you've said. And you learn that nothing can't be fixed.

With time you learn to forgive those who you thought were unforgivable, those who have have hurt you deeply, torn your heart into peaces and just move on as the hatred does not matter anymore.

With time you learn that some things are not worth it and that it is to let go, that it will only hold you back in life, while others are sketching their path towards success. You learn that letting go will free you from a million sufferings, and grant you a million blessings.

With time you learn that while others mature and be more responsible, some just stay the same, unchanged. And these are the people who will hold you back in life. Those who are scared to explore the wonders of the world, to be so comfortable in their tiny zone, which will one day need to be expanded.

With time you learn to forgive without an apology and to love unconditionally. You try to sleep each night forgiving every single person who did you wrong and try to love them instead. And you try to see the differences in other people, the variability and the pressure.

With time, anything can happen, and dreams can come true.

With time.

Of Stress

So, professional exam is just around the corner, well perhaps closer than that and the stress is building inside. Not just that this paper can ask you anything from year one, but it also determines if you proceed to the final semester or not.

Trying not to be all teary like I always do during exams, I find my own comfort in my friends and family, and not to forget lecturers as well!!!

Last week was our first week of study leave and we had a whole week of revision classes which started from 8am to 8pm! Exhausting? Definitely!!!!

So on Friday we decided to take the night off and went for a stress relief session at Tony Roma's. Lol. That was so much fun! Followed by Ali and Aina's wedding on Saturday and facetimes + skypes with my family, I'm all motivated and inspired to study. Hope this lasts! Wish me luck!!!!!

Thank You

Sometimes we tend to complain and find fault in our daily lives till we forget to be thankful.

Life is full of challenges, only to make you a better person.

Thank you, for all the things You have given me, as there is nothing else that I could ask for. I'm glad to be where I am right now, no regrets, and I've found my answer.







Exam is coming. Do pray for me and all of my friends :) May all of us get through this together!

Finally :)

My sister and brother-in-law's convocation day! :)

Everyone was here so it was really fun!

And now I'm left all alone, again :(

Congratulations to two of the most important people in my life. Love both of you, always!

Because It Is Lonely

To be all by yourself

So you opt to linger around, hoping that someone will pick you up from the dirt

And wipe the tears away.

But it doesn't happen, and all that is left for you is yourself.

I was talking to a friend recently, and he just got married. Not to the girl he loved, but to someone he knew just a few months, and decided to tie the knot. I'm not saying that you can't get to know your soul-mate in a blink of an eye, but I've known this guy for a long time, and I know he's not the type that would jump into big things like this.

So I asked him, what changed his mind, and he looked into my eyes and said,

"Nana, I've been in love, and out of love. I've loved a girl that cheated on me, and I've loved a girl that can never love me back the way I love her. I'm not tall dark and handsome, and I can't get any girl that I want. And if you say I am settling, yes I am, with a girl, a woman who I know can take care of me, and love me. Do I love her? Love can grow with time, can be nourished with care and tenderness. I'm not getting any younger, and I need to settle down, and I hope, as a good friend you can be supportive with my decision and pray for my happiness till eternity."

I wanted to cry, but I held the tears and smiled. And I vowed to pray for his happiness, forever.

Love is mysterious. It might come knocking on your heart's door when you least expect it to, and it leaves you wounded, so severe that nothing can make a broken heart the way it was ever again.

True love is to wake up beside the person you spend forever with and thanking God for that one face that makes you smile.

Some people are lucky to find it, and some are not.

But love is not just between lovers, it can be between friends and family.

And I wish for all the love in the world be with everyone that I know =)

I love you

Ombak Rindu

Just mention this title to anyone from my secondary school and everyone will know what it is about. I remember reading this novel after my PMR exams at school, when everyone was changing story books and games. It has been.. what? 8 years? since I finished my PMR. Or maybe slightly less. I'm bad in time, you know :P

Great stories make great movies. I agree. But sometimes the movie itself, the actors in it, the script and everything needs to go hand in hand in order to make a great movie.

When I found out that Maya Karin was going to be Izzah, and Aaron Aziz is Hariz, I was almost certain that this will be a movie filled with tears. I love Maya Karin's acting, and also Aaron Aziz (since I watched him act in Nora Elena).

So last Saturday, I went to Alamanda to get some stuff and bought movie tickets for Ombak Rindu in advanced. You'd be surprised how fast this movie is selling out tickets!!! Thank God for E-buying, I managed to get good seats :)

Ombak Rindu is about Izzah, a girl from a village who was sold to some club night by her uncle who hates her and was bought by Hariz. She insisted to be his wife and he agreed, then they fell in love. This movie is complicated with the presence of Mila (Lisa Surihani), Hariz's childhood sweetheart who has had a crush on him since forever and that they were supposed to get married!

I think that sums it all for the synopsis :)

Maya did a GREAT job being Izzah. By the end of the movie, there is no single dry eye. And Hariz's character was developed well. I just can't get over Maya's expression throughout the movie, she was really feeling it, and what she felt, we, the audience felt too.

This is a two hour movie that makes you appreciate people that you love and care, and show you how bad life can be. Yes, it is fictional, and the characters are not real, but it does somehow gives an impact to you. This movie also shows that someone can change, from a playboy who simply sleeps with any girl to a loyal lover and a responsible husband.

From what I gather from the media, Maya was shooting this film when she was facing difficulties in her marriage. She claimed that it was easy to sink into Izzah's emotions, and that she realized that there are more unfortunate people, and that by being Izzah, she learns how to be strong for herself. Everyone longs for that happy ending, but not everyone finds them. You could still be together without love, so separated, divorced, or you could just be longing to be loved by someone who you can never have. There's a million types of love stories in this world. And a million more filled with tears.

So yes, I highly recommend EVERYONE to watch this movie!!! :) I want to watch it again, but I can't since I'm having exams, exactly one month from now.

And yes, another awesome movie to watch is Puss in Boots :) Watched it on Thursday and you'll definitely get muscle cramps for laughing too much :P

This is the soundtrack from Ombak Rindu. I've heard it before I watched the movie but after watching it, I can't get enough of replays!!!!

and also this song by Hafiz. So sweet!

Disappointment, For the Love of Music

I LOVE singing, though I know I don't have an angelic voice. I sing to entertain myself or just simply.

I have been to a lot of karaoke centres, KTV, Redbox, Superstar, you name it. It is hard for me to say no even if i have just been karaoke-ing the previous night.

Due to my love in karaoke, when an offer came for just RM40 for 4 people for 3 hours, I had to purchase the Groupon. It was at Facekara, at Viva Homes. I've never been to Viva Homes, but all my previous experiences were awesome, so I thought, why not?

And yes, I think you figured that it was a total disappointment. Why?

1. I called to book on Thursday for the midnight session from 11pm to 2am, and the person said that he had our rooms booked. He also told us that we have 2 complementary snacks and 2 complementary tidbits which could be changed to whatever say 3 tidbits or 4 snacks or whatever. Snacks in Redbox means chicken wings and those sort, so I was looking forward to change all my tidbits into snacks. Upon arrival we were told that we couldn't do that. I didn't wanna argue much, so I just walked into our room.

2. When Era was singing Siti Nurhaliza's Sendiri, suddenly the electricity went out! Imagine that. Thank goodness they had some backup so the lights were up in no time, but their computer system crashed. Era had to leave by 1 so she couldn't continue singing which was really sad since it has been a while since I went out with her. We spent almost 45minutes waiting for the system to reboot or something, and we were told that we were granted another hour. And all that we had was just another bowl of chips -.-" Honestly, the least you could do is give everyone another round of drinks or something.

3. So our 3 hour karaoke which should end at 2 was postponed to 3, or so we thought. At 1.45am our screen went blank. I went to the main counter and complained, thank goodness she gave us another extra hour. I mean seriously, our original time hasn't ended, what more the extra time given. I was rather pissed, but I decided to just keep quiet.

4. Previously, in other karaoke centers, even if you time is up and you are still singing they will allow you to finish up the song. But Chia was singing and the screen went blank and we were like -.-"

5. The juice and carbonated drinks are RM2, but the mineral water is RM6! And there is nothing special about it, AT ALL

So we were walking to the car when the 6th incident happen

6. The guard locked ALL the doors to the parkings!!! I mean seriously, as a guard working for that particular building, don't you know that there is a karaoke centre which closes at 3 on the weekends. And worst, he was like, "why aren't you guys back?" and all I did was give him "the look" as I did not have the energy to reply.



So, I made a conclusion that i will NEVER go there again. Alamanda's karaoke is way better, and even the karaoke stalls are 3000% better! I just spent 4 hours wasting my time there. But oh well, I did enjoyed a few song selections.

Ps: the actual price for that place is RN179! Imagine wasting THAT much money.... -.-"

Just That Moment

Reminds me of that small boy I encountered.

Rest in peace love :')


I'm still trying to be strong in facing death, though I know I can never be strong enough. O God help me, I need guidance.

For Everything I Have Been Through

I spent the weekend at Mama's since adik and Aty was going to start their first paper of SPM on Monday. Seeing them study and all, makes me miss my times in high school, everything that happened, my friends, my teachers, my friends from outside school and those who made my high school life bearable.

It has been almost six years since I finished my SPM. Time does fly, and when I think about it, it is as if I can see that whatever happened, happens for a reason. Things that I was so devastated about in the past, that would make me cry for days seemed like the things that made me stronger each day.

Almost five years ago I gave up my dream of studying abroad and went to a local medical college due to some unavoidable circumstances. Only God knows how sad I was then. Studying abroad was my childhood dream, I wanted to go back to where I grew up, simply as I never felt like I have ever fit in here. I don't have any friends there, nor was I ever in touch with any of my school mates then, but I wanted to be there so badly.

Since I was in primary school, I had the feeling of not belonging. My thinking was different, my acts were different. Going through high school was a roller coaster ride and I found my best friends there. But that was it. After we finished our SPM, we went our own ways. Though we still met up for dinners and slumber sessions, but things will never be the same. I can't just run to them when I was sad and we are now busy with our own obligations and responsibilities.

University life was totally different than anything, though come to think about it, it was just a mixture of people not able to let go of their childhood and those who thinks their too cool for school and a rare bunch of normal kids. Me? I'm the outcast. I never felt like I would ever fit in, though I tried. And in the end people just look at me like I'm faking it, and I decided to exclude myself from anything that could bring harm to my emotions anymore. Trying to fit in, just to be excepted is exhausting, and in the end I'm just never good enough and I know it. I stay close to the people who I know will be there for me, and I thank God I have found a handful of saviors.

Anyway, I went through my first two years of medical school quite okay. I can tell for one thing that I was no longer the nerd I used to be. Maybe deep inside I was rebelling, and all I thought was that I just wanted to pass everything and get through with it. I stayed with my older sister though we didn't really talk much. Not that we were not close, she was too busy as she has just entered her clinical years and I was barely awake each time she got home.

As I entered my third year, my life turned 180 degrees. Adik went to a boarding school, in a campus where I once was, and trust me she was not easy to handle. The first NINE months that she was there was spent on the phone crying her heart out, telling me that she wants to quit. My parents are not around and I had no idea what to do. All I could do was to talk to her and calm her down.

But what she did affected everything, my emotions, my studies and my time. I'm not a parent, and I have no idea of how to console a crying child in a boarding school. I wouldn't say that boarding school to me was all flowers and butterflies, but I'm sure I didn't call my parents crying my heart out. I distanced from friends who tried to help me as I was mad if they got mad at me for always entertaining adik's emotional blast and in the end I was cranky most of the time. All I wanted was someone to talk to and no one was there. I hate it when they question my actions in such an accusing manner, I hate it that the only person that I used to talk to was thousands of miles apart and that I couldn't reach to, I hate it that I was to blame if anything went wrong when I have poured my heart and soul into it, and I hate it when I was accused of being irresponsible and pampering.

But every dark cloud has its silver lining. Apart from me being an emotional wreck and depressed most of the time, and apart from not concentrating in class and jeopardizing my studies, what happened brought us, kakak, adik and I closer together. Not that we were not close before, but we became inseparable. I learn the qualities of parenting (single parent, mind you) and how to tolerate with stress. In the end, I think I became a better sister. I learned to listen to adik's problem and helped solving them, I learned to be patient and generous, I learned to divide my time between my own luxury, my studies and my family.

When I realize that adik is ending her school days soon, I get really emotional. My baby sister is finally a grown up, and I hope that we will be close like this forever.

My life has not been all happy. I lost a lot of things along the way, mainly my dreams and my first love. Yet I gained a lot as well. Sometimes when we are denied from something that we want, we will always find ways to blame and point fingers without realizing there are a million other better things waiting for us to reveal. I'm still learning to be satisfied with all that I have, and I know that if I work hard enough, someday my dreams will come true. And if it does not, then it is just not meant to be and there is something better stored for me, someday :)

I really hope adik does well in her exams. I'm just like a proud parent :P

Best Friends Forever

As promised, this is my book review for the book I bought in the Big Bad Wolf Booksale.

Best Friends Forever, by Jennifer Weiner. What made me bought the book in the first place was because I've read In Her Shoes which was also written by her, and yes, the cover was attractive :p And I did read the synopsis first mind you!

So this book revolves around Adelaide Downs, an overweight girl whose life changed drastically with the presence of a new girl in her small town in Illinois - Valerie Alder. Their friendship grew stronger each day till one incident at high school brought them apart.

Fifteen years of silent treatment between the two best friends, Addie, who has lost so much weight, enough to be considered normal, heard a knock on her door. It was indeed unusual, but she had a feeling that she knew the person behind that door, her long lost friend, Val.

This story is about trying to make it right for the lost times, when things are not always what it seemed. It shows that some people may superficially look happy, that they are content and pleased with their life when actually on the inside they are hurting.

Sometimes in life we don't really know what we want and we tend to make the wrong decisions, and everything comes with a price. Some things get better, some just let the feud go on forever. It all depends on you. Some even take time, years to be repaired.

This story shows the value of friendship, the way a girl will never say no to her best friend even though she knows that it means bad news, even if her best friend has hurt her so much in the past. And it takes only communication to understand, to really understand what lies beneath beautiful clothes or a pretty face.

This book also has a value of mystery on its own. You would go on wondering what happened to Addie and Val as their childhood flashbacks shows two happy girls, the comes the contrast of Val's personality and everything.

This book is also about loneliness felt by a girl who lost everything so fast - first her best friend, then the world despised her, then the sudden death of her father followed by her mother suffering from cancer. And this girl had no one left for her as her brother is mentally ill after a fatal accident almost took his life. She was left with nothing.

In a nutshell, this book is about acceptance, to accept who you are, to accept and have peace with the past and to accept that it is time to move on.

I didn't really finish this book overnight. I was disciplined enough not to let this book interfere with my studies or anything, but is was a good read :)

That Girl

When I was young I always wanted to be the girl who can make a change. I wanted to be noticed, to be appreciated .

After years of trying, I noticed that I was not only troubling myself, I made people take me for granted. I would say things like 'I'll always be there when you need me' and I will literally get that kind of attention - only when you need me.

I thought it was okay, that everyone is like that. Before I realize that I'm doing the maximum harm to myself. Not physically, emotionally. I always wonder if I am at fault, if I am the reason for something to happen, especially when it is bad. I never think I was good enough.

I was talking to my friend the other night and what she said stunned me, " Everyone wants to be that girl Nana, even me." And it got me thinking that I am not alone in this hoping and wishing and dreaming and everything in between.

Some of you reading this might think I'm exaggerating things. Think all you want, as you might see me as a happy girl dancing and smiling all the time, but you would never understand what is happening inside my life. I'm not living a dream life where you could envy me for, I'm just living to be happy.

I wanted to be that girl that could change, but it changed me instead. And sometimes trying to satisfy hurts so much, when I know there is always something wrong, and I am never ever good enough.

When Nothing Is Left But Sorry

Chuck:

I'm sorry, for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed you

I'm sorry for not waiting longer in the Empire State Building

I'm sorry for trading you like property

I'm sorry, I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did

Most of all I'm sorry that I gave up on us, and you never did

You're always there for the people you love, even when they don't deserve it

They say every road comes to an end, but sometimes the end feels just like the beginning

Watched Gossip Girl today and cried. :(

Maybe all you need is the ability to forgive yourself.

Sometimes I wonder if two people are meant to be together, what does it actually mean? Is it just a feeling, an instinct, prediction, a dream? Could we be so blinded?

Time passes you by no matter what you do. What does never too late means, when you can't get there at all?

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do

Of Lost

We seldom remember that all we have now is temporary, and that one day everything will be taken away, just like that. At that point in time, all we've done through all the years would seem insignificant, and that we are heading to somewhere greater.

Yet the small things in life influences our life the most. We would be searching for our phones like mad if we noticed it missing even for 5 minutes, wondering if we missed any calls or messages, we would shop for pretty clothing and bags and shoes. Sometimes we even postpone our prayers during our times in the shopping mall.

Today we receive bad news - a lecturer just passed away.

He suffered from metastasized malignancy, and after going through a lot - chemotherapy and all, he finally breathed his last breath earlier today.

Al-Fatihah

He was the head of department when I did my first clinical posting, Community Medicine, and trust me he was so tough on us. We hardly get enough rest! I remember staying up till 4am and presenting for 3 hours the following day. We even stayed up all night to finish up our presentation.

Looking back to those days, I believe it has made me and my group mates stronger, and closer bonded to each other. He was just teaching us to be tough, and not to whine and simply give up.

A great lecturer? Indeed.

I haven't had the luxury to see him much after the posting, and each time my friends went to his house I had something else planned with my family, and now I know it is too late to regret, but I wished I could see him for one last time.

It is weird to miss him this much, but I do miss him.

He was influential, dedicated and helpful. And he was always there.

Prof Bakar, I pray that you will be placed among the Believers, and insyaAllah I will always remember your advice =') Thank you for everything.

If I could, I would like to make amends to everyone I encounter in life. I don't know if I would ever live to see another day, or if I'll die in my sleep. And in the end, it doesn't matter who is at fault. All I would want to say to everyone is that I'm sorry, and thank you for being a great addition to the colours of my life.

You Had Me at Hello

Last Saturday I went back to Mama’s immediately after Dr. Shu’s Saturday class as I thought I had to babysit the two exam-to-be girls at home. So it happens that mama decided not to go back to Melaka and the two girls went to their SPM study group (I didn’t have one then :P)

Anyway, I was homealone that evening since everyone had errands to run and I was carless. Huhu. So I browsed the TV and stopped at an epic love story – Jerry Maguire.

Remember this quote? Here, let me remind you the scene…

I can’t find the clip of what happened before that. But let me remind you about the story.

Jerry married Dorothy as he can’t be alone, and he knew that Dorothy will support him no matter what. Did he love her? Well, maybe?

Then he became so absorbed in his work life that he started to abandon Dorothy and her son, leaving her even emptier than she already was, being again, the oldest 26 year old girl alive. That night their talk at the lawn..

Dorothy: I took advantage of you and worst of all, I'm not alone. I did this with a kid. I was just on some ride where I thought I was in 1ove enough for both of us. I did this. And at least I can do something about it now.

Jerry: Well -- I'm not the guy who's going to run. I stick.

Dorothy: I don't need you to "stick."

Jerry: What do you want from me? My soul?

Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry: What if I'm just not built that way?

Dorothy: I think we made a mistake here.

Jerry: What if it's true? "Great at friendship bad at intimacy." I mean, come on. It's the theme of my bachelor party film --

Dorothy: I know. I watched it. I sort of know it by heart.

Jerry: I don't like to give up.

Dorothy: Oh please. My need to make the best of things, and your need to be what, "responsible"... if one of us doesn't say something now we might lose ten years being polite about it. Why don't we call this next road trip what it is. A nice long break.

Jerry: What about Ray?

Dorothy: There's no question you'll be friends. Of course you'll be friends.

Jerry: So this break... is a break-up.

Dorothy: Come on, Jerry. You know this isn't easy for me. I mean, on the surface, you'd almost think everything was fine. See, I've got this great guy who loves my kid -- and he sure does like me a lot. I can't live that way. It's not the way I'm built.

I know for a fact that it is difficult to say goodbye to that one person you love, that in the end no matter what you do you will always turn back to them, and accept them just the way they are. Because THAT is how girls, women are built.

Sometimes guys take what we take too seriously, like when we say it is over, all we want is for you guys to say that it is not, that you want to make it right, to make it better.

If you don’t say so, she’ll wait for a while, then she’ll meet someone who can treat her better, and someone who can SHOW her that she is loved. It is definitely not fair to expect to be loved when you don’t love in return, is it?

Maybe you’re mad at her, so ignore her for a while, but don’t shut her off and make her think that you just don’t effin’ care, because she does. And for the millionth time, when she says ‘Give me time’, it means you just give her SOME time, not FOREVER. If you want her, she will definitely want you back.

I know the mind of a lady is as complex as they way she chooses the dress she wants to wear every single day. We are meant to be like that, and sorry, we can’t help it. Sometimes we just blurt things out without thinking. Sometimes we overthink things, and we care for the smallest details. Personally I know it’s not easy to understand all this, as sometimes I also feel that my feelings are taking over my mind. Emotionally driven? Definitely!

Well, in Jerry Maguire, Jerry came back. And he said a lot of things, what he didn’t know was he had already had her heart back with hello.

Is it that simple? Trust me, it is.

Just don’t let time wear off what she feels, and make her think that you don’t care when you do, that’s all.

Honestly, Jerry Maguire is one of my favourite love stories of all time. It reminds me of my high school days when we would cramp the recreation room just to watch it J

When Time Is Never Enough

So on Friday I went to watch this movie by Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried, In Time.

I had no idea what the movie was about actually. I saw the poster one day in Alamanda and thought, "I'm gonna watch this" With JT and Amanda, I don't care how the movie is :P

So I bought the 1015pm ticket online after our evening class with Dr. Rafizi.

In Time is about a time way in the distant future where everything is not about money anymore, everything is about time. This movie portrays how some people live their day to day lives trying to earn to be able to see tomorrow, while some of them don't even have to glance at their 'bodywatch'

In the future, humans will be genetically engineered to stop ageing at the age of 25, then your clock starts ticking. You will have exactly one year (if you don't spend it at all) to live. Everything you buy, you have to pay with time. If now we have the 99cent shop, there they have the 99seconds shop!

Then there's action, and romance, and tears.

Its a new movie in the cinemas so I wouldn't want to spoil it so much here :P

But in this movie, it shows you the reality of life. Where people will kill just to live longer. In the end, will it bring any difference if you could live for another million years when all you do is bring pain to others?

Quoting, 'Is it stealing when it is already stolen?'

Anyway, I enjoyed the movie :) JT is H.O.T. Hahahah. And I think Amanda looks, different. Not really the innocent look she portrayed in Mamma Mia or Letters to Juliet. But I enjoyed this new character of her.

Watch it!!!

oh, I'm done with my first novel. Will tell you about it soon :)

Of Romance & Novels

I have always enjoyed reading. When I was a little girl, my mummy would tuck me in bed, me on one side and kakak on the other, and she would read us stories. My favourite one was BabaYaga. It was about a witch who married a guy with a daughter and something happened. LoL. Honestly I think I was never awake long enough to listen to the whole story. As I grew older, I often read before going to bed, though sometimes I would end up not sleeping at all.

During high school, especially after PMR, I read A LOT of books. From Malay novels like Ombak Rindu, to Pride and Prejudice, to A Walk To Remember.

When I enrolled into medical school, the only novel I remember reading was A Child Called It and the books related to it. Then we got busy :( And books are not cheap anyway, so need to choose really carefully before purchasing one.

A few weeks ago (I should've blogged about this earlier, I know) there was a book fair in UPM - The Big Bad Wolf Booksale, and it was AWESOME! Books are as cheap as RM8 for novels regardless hardcover or paperback, and those books like WAR and WORK ranges from RM20-RM60. The most expensive book in the booksale was The World Atlas - RM60!!

And yes, as expected I went crazy in the hall. I bought 12 novels for myself, sticker and playbooks for Sara and Mika :)

I think I've grown out of the phase where I would want to read romance novels all the time, though I did bought Meg Cabot's Size Doesn't Matter. My choice of books this time is more matured, and more towards life and things like that. Somehow I don't opt for love stories anymore, and I don't know why. Maybe living in reality is better than reading those mushy stories and comparing them with your own life. Life is not a novel, and without you realizing it your life is actually better than that! :)

So I started to read my first novel. Will give you a review about it once I'm done. It has been almost 2 weeks and I'm not even done with the first book yet as I'm trying to discipline myself to not spend too much time on reading non-educational stuff. Oh well :P

I think Malaysians do read. I saw a huge crowd in the hall, and all of them carrying not less than 5 books. I think the fact that books are expensive in Malaysia is among the factors our people don't read, or can't read as much. Most books sold for RM8 are usually at least RM34 in stores here!!!

I think they should do this kind of booksale more often :) and it would make my whole year!!!

But When I Cry

I cry alone.

Maybe that's the best, for everyone.



I've tried being strong for every single person I care and love.

And sometimes I just feel like it is my time to break down.



Stop trying to understand me.
Stop trying to feel sorry.
Stop trying to prove that things will turn out to be fine


I can heal my own heart with time
And I'll stand up again

Though it may be a bit scattered
But I know I'll make it somehow

So stay, if you want to stay
And leave if you think it is the best for you
Don't think about me

I'll have my smile back on
And sing my favourite song
So none of you would ever know
The cuts and bruises I have

Cute! =)

I skyped with Sara yesterday. She was unwell for a week, and now she's back on track! How she replied me was so cute!

Me: Sara, you can't eat ice cream or drink any cold drinks, okay?

Sara: Okay, I am learning to pour hot water by myself

Me: Good, but you will have to be careful okay?

Sara: I will be careful *smiling*

Me: If it is difficult, ask mummy to help you

Sara: If you are here, you can help me, isn't it Aunty Nana? *batting eyelashes*

oh God I miss her SO much!

Then she read me a book - how to grow a pumpkin

Sara: .... reading.... Then when you are here we can grow them together and make a nice lantern. I miss you. When are you coming back??

Before I hung up

Me: I need to go now, tomorrow I have school and I need to sleep. I'll skype with you again next week.

Sara: Okay, make sure you come back and talk to me again. I want to continue playing doctors

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sara: A nurse!

Hahahahah. Cute right?

Sigh, I really miss her. And I hope she'll be well. Autumn is approaching, and then winter. I wish I could go to her whenever I want to, but that won't be possible. For now, seeing her on skype is among the best times of my week =) Love you dear.

Anyway, on Saturday I went to Adik's Malam Gemala Puteri at Mandarin Oriental. Aty and I wore the suit we made for Kakak's engagement, so we look the same! Haha. I'll upload the pictures once I get it ok?

I miss high school. It was different then. If only, I can turn back time. Sigh.

A Quote

from Steve Jobs. A man who changed the world, brought us the future.

“Almost everything

–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure

–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

He is a man of many words, some leaving more impact than the other. This is one of the quotes that I have always hold on to. To follow your heart, and know what is truly important.

It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from or what is there in your past. It is how you change yourself to be a better person in the future.

RIP Steve Jobs. You will be missed, if not by some, by many who adores your ideas and creations.

Found this on twitter:

Steve Jobs dies, and the world finds out/mourns/shares thru the products he created.

Now that's a legacy.

True, very true indeed. :')

Because He Waited

What we have is a great love. It's complicated. Intense. All-consuming. No matter what we do and how much we fight, it'll always pull us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that, right? - Blair Waldorf S04E22

There's a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn't show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn't want it 'cause you've never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale. - Chuck Bass Gossip Girl S04E22

I started watching Gossip Girl two years ago when my lovely roommate in Terendak, Miss Era introduced me to it. Then, it was already the ending of season 2 and I spent a whole weekend finishing season 1 and 2 and anticipating season 3.

I would say that this is the first series that I really followed, and now, I'm following about 8! Hahaha.

If the viewers could pick who ends with who, would you leave Blair to Chuck, or would you want her to marry the prince?

Sometimes being in love is not as simply as I love you, you love me, lets get married.

Blair was deeply in love with Chuck, even in the whole season two we see how she tries to support Chuck, and that she would do anything for him. All she wanted was for him to say "I love you too"

At the end of season two Chuck finally said I love you to Blair.

But then, being Chuck, he hurt her.

Then Blair found herself a prince, literally.

I know sometimes you don't get to write your own fairy tale, let alone live in one, but this price really does love her and would do anything to win her heart.

It is almost impossible to love someone new the way you loved before, but you can always make space so that the new love can enter and fill your heart.

The prince might not be perfect, but at least he waited, and told her his feelings.

And Blair did waited for Chuck, only this time it was too little too late for Chuck.

Sometimes, girls only wants security. They need someone to tell them that they are loved, that they are appreciated. Watching from afar doesn't even start to count as she doesn't know. And when she doesn't know, it is not there. Put down your ego and start telling her how you feel. That wall of ego will only destroy you in the end, leaving you lonely, devastated. Small things matters, but affection is what captures a girls heart the most, and she'll be guarding your soul for as long as the both of you shall live.

I am to yet watch another 20+ episodes of the new season, but I can feel that this season looks promising.

A few other series I'm following this fall

1. New Girl - Zooey's in it, but the first episode was not really nice. The second was getting better tho. Will see how the third episode is

2. The Secret Circle - Another story of superpowers. Would say its just OK

3. The Vampire Diaries - I want my own Damon too :P

4. Glee - Plenty drama this time :)

Besides that, I am also following a few Malay series on TV3

1. Tahajjud Cinta

2. Soffiya

3. Cinta Elysa

4. Jiwa & Lara

I think that's all for my TV life :P

PS: Can I have my own Chuck Bass? LoLz

And the countdown begins...

Gossip girl season 5 premier!!!!!!

I am so excited.

If this is the final season I hope it will be wrapped up nicely :)

Name Calling

I know some people regard it as just joking and fooling around, though I know there is always a percentage of truth behind every "I'm just kidding".

To me, you don't easily put names on people, unless you have something crystal clear againts that person. I know some people just hates another simply their friends hate that person too. But in the end, would it satisfy you to hate that person? Talking behind their backs over and over again with something that you've been telling people for ages?

Oh well, I just think teasing has its limits. But to call another person with harsh words, or to address people badly, that is wrong.

Even if you think or know or feel so mad, angry, or upset with a certain someone, you have no right to call that person with vulgar words.

In the end, it only reflects who YOU are, not that person.

Oh well =) I know that some people might just feel that they are better than others, in the eyes of God, we are all the same. What differentiates us is our heart and our obidient towards our creator.

What is important is who we are in God's eyes. I know that we seek forgiveness from Him for all our wrongdoings. But we also must see forgiveness from those who we've hurt, intentionally, or not.

And to anyone who wants to say anything about me, I would really appreciate it if you could just say it to my face. At least get your facts straight before spreading a single word. Oh, I'm the one who is ALWAYS the one spreading things right? Then again, are you sure? Cause the last time I checked, I found out about the same thing just as you did, too. And words are so easily misinterpreted. So get you FACTS and SOURCES right, yea? Your source is THAT reliable, izzit?? -.- I know mine isn't =) At least I know MY side of the story... And if you wanna know about it, ask ME.

But then again,

As long as I know myself, who cares bout the whole world?

I Miss

When everything was just simple

And two little naughty kids.

Sigh

Ends of the Earth

Love is not there if it is not expressed

Love it not there if it is just kept to yourself

Love is to be shared,

to be shown

to be told.


Love is not there if you don't know.

Confusion and Dreams

When did I get into this again?

Yesterday I was perfectly happy. Or was that yesteryear?


Anyone who has the key or door or whatsoever that can show the future, can I borrow it for a sec?

I'm tired. Waiting.

Gonna be a long day again, tomorrow.

Current mood: blur


Maybe I should sleep if off. Works well in the past. If not to wake up feeling ever so lost than before.




They say dreams is a wish your heart makes.
If that is true, why do I keep seeing the same face, that same smile over and over again?

Something I've always hold on to -
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.

When will I get my happilu ever after?

Finally :)

The Vampire Diaries Season 3 is here people!!!!!

And the first episode made me cry, like literally.

Though I wouldn't want Elena to be with Stefan, but oh well.

If it were me, I'd choose Damon :P

Glee and Gossip Girl will be back next week, and my life is complete :) heeeeeee


Should I start watching the new series?





Anyway, I'll be starting a new posting next week. They say that this one is really hectic. Just what I need to get my mind off stuff.

In my mind right now - January or June? Can't choose both though, I'll be banned! Lolz.


Tomorrow is the first day and I must be early, not even a minute late! So I think I should sleep early then.



My tummy is not happy :(

What's Your Story?

That day, someone opened up the story of his life to me and a few friends. He's now matured, successful, and have travelled around the world. The first time I met him, I thought of how calm he was, and how close he was to God. I can see the sparkle in his eyes when he speaks, and his words are ever so kind even when he is mad.

When he told us about what happened in his life, all I thought was - how can someone go through so much pain? Quoting the exact words from him, "I will definitely laugh when I remembered how stupid I was then, but that's life. You should learn to get to know people, and the world, and try to see it all." But it wasn't an easy journey he had. He made a few wrong choices, went through hardships, even almost became an alcoholic, almost into major depression.

Sometimes when we cry ourselves every single night to sleep we wonder if the pain that we endure will ever come to an end. We think that we are alone in this world feeling such pain, and we wonder if tomorrow we will wake up with the same feeling, the hurt, the emptiness that we feel inside.

I've heard this countless of times - you will be okay, someday you will just look back and laugh of what had happened.

But till that time comes, how would you know? Or will you be forever wondering, and wondering, over and over again. Would your heart ever be whole again?

Even if we see someone extremely happy, bubbly and excited, that person may have a story that you can never expect. I know it is wrong to assume, and that person might really he content with their lives, but isn't it better for us to be focused on ourselves rather than bring others down? Everyone has their own share of ups and down in life, I belief so.

And even if tomorrow I'll be able to wake up and laugh about the tears I shed today, it does not making it any less hurtful than it already is.

I couldn't possible go to everyone and ask them, what's your story? And even if I did, it will not be that easy for me to understand.

I know everyone has their own story, to tell or not to tell. I do too, as I may not see things the same way as other people do.


If only I could turn back time, to a time when everything was definitely different. To that time, the perfect moment. Just then.


imy.

Through Thick and Thin

Today I went back to Melaka for a family day. It was held at one of my aunt's lawn, where everyone was gathered. But I didn't really knew everyone, as it is a gathering of our big family, my late great-great-grandfather's side, arwah Dol bin Endin. He had 5 children, and many grandchildren. This is the first time we gathered, it was exciting to see people you thought were only neighbors and knowing that they are related to you.

I am the descendant of my late grandfather, arwah Haji Samsudin bin Said bin Dol. He married my grandmother, Hajah Che Mah binti Daud and was blessed with six children, three boys and three girls :) That means I'm the third generation of the gathering. Hehe.

What I'm really proud of my family (the Samsudin's) is our closeness. Up to today, there are 66 of us, including in-laws and new kids. Yet we are still close. News travels like CNN and whenever there is any problem, we will try to solve it together.

I miss my big family. The last time we had our own gathering was back when I was 11. Even this time not many of us are able to join due to other duties. But deep inside I know and believe that we are somehow close. There is no news that is kept a secret, which is good in a way, and also not so good as these people will hold your past against you - say you have done something embarrassing in the past, they will mention it during gatherings, raya or any occasion that may remind them of it - FOREVER! Haha. See how close we are?

I am also grateful that my family is doing well. What we've always believe in is that it is not easy to keep up the good name, and that we shall work hard to make sure that our family name is not tarnished. If we were to trace back our family's descendants, it starts from the first Kapitan of Melaka, but that is such a long story. the gathering today is to bring back the big family together, for us to be able to recognize our own flesh and blood, and help them whenever in need.

I can proudly say that I love my whole family, and that I believe, no matter happen, he have each other's back :) Yes my cousins and I fight like cats and dogs when we were younger, but today we are closer than siblings! I miss those days when I will run to nenek crying and be given 50cents to buy chocolate :p I was really pampered then! Hehe..

My dream is to have a place to gather our lovely family, all 66 of us and spend a day or two, just having fun. Now my family is scattered all over the world, and I know it will be difficult, but I'm praying that one day my dream will come true.



Ps: sorry no pictures. All of them are with angah :p will post them once I get them from him. Hehe

Get Well Soon

Adikkkkk!!!! get well soon okkayy!

this post is for u :p


well, this is a long weekend, and tomorrow i'm going back to melaka for a family day! weeeee... i can't wait.

today i met with a few friends back in sunway :) had so much fun!

and went to sg. buloh later for an open house, and another one in selayang :)

now i'm super full!

gaining weight much???

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

I Need

Somebody to turn to when everything goes wrong
When I am lost, and I can't find my way back
When I need to spill out what I feel
And to tell me everything is gonna be alright.

I need to talk
To be listened to

Even just for a moment


Sometimes it is good to argue, but please don't be mr-fix-it-all as that is not what I want.





Parenting is not an easy job, and it needs more than just assuming that your child is okay. I know I'm not a mother, well, I'm not even married yet. But making a decision for someone is difficult, especially when it is a big one.

No one makes decisions to destroy you, especially family.

Sometimes you don't know what's the best for you, and what you want might not be it.





Feeling so much pain I could write a song about. Lolz

I will

Write an entry about you, and only you, when I am finally able to find the right words.



And maybe then, you will understand.

Songs

Great stories make great songs.

The greatest songs are about hurt -Will Schuester

Left Unsaid

... is all I ask of you

Sometimes when it is too late, you don't know what to do, and what to say, and everything is left unsaid. And you will start to regret that time when you could say it all, that moment when everything was perfect, yet you had that feeling inside you had to pour out. But you were scared to spoil the moment, and hence you kept it all inside. Thus it builds up and becomes something that eventually destroys the defense you built outside. And all the walls are falling down, and everything is not what it seems anymore. You don't even realize it, as the weakness comes from within yourself, a part you thought was strong enough to endure anything, come what may.

Say it only if you mean it.

If you don't, then you may forever hold your peace.

Just

Come home. Please

I miss you~

Breakeven

I'm definitely a fan now :) Fell in love with her first performance during the blind audition of The Voice, with some other participants as well.

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even :')

I've Learned

That is isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself

I make mistakes not less than anyone else in this world. I'm not perfect, I change.

I break promises made to people I love the most, keep things from them, and lie.

I hurt people who mean the world to me just to prevent my own heart from breaking, just to have it shattered into pieces.

I am of no right to ask for forgiveness as I might not deserve it.

I do things unintentionally without thinking, say things out of the blue.

I'm not nice, but I'm not evil either. Or so I think.

I'm only human

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

In love with this song. And the little girl who sang it :)

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

I'm not moving. :)

I'm Waiting

For Gossip Girl season 5, and a chance to gossip about it with Xander again :)


I'm like super excited. It is nice to have something to look forward too.


When?

Oh, it starts on the 26th of September mates. So get your internet working and your hardisk empty for new downloads :)

You know you love me xoxo





A few to do things before I'm done with this posting which will start tonight, after my on calls if I have the energy. Loosing appetite these days. -.- so not fun. But I can't eat anything, okay not THAT severe but I've turned into someone extremely picky. Thankfully those that I want are not super expensive :p

Mummy, can I book my ticket now, please?

I wanna skype with Sara again! Can't wait for next weekend. Sometimes she even chats with me through whatsapp. Kids these days -.- An also little Mika.

And professional exams are in.. 4months?

Retail therapy

Definitely my way of getting thing off my mind.

Well, I sent Adik off to her school today, and bid goodbye to mama's family. Being back home, alone, I can't help but feel sad. I know I shouldn't be. The one week holiday and everyone together under the same roof made me realize that I should be grateful for still having my family with me.

Last night I went to send my parents at the airport. Their flight was at 2am, but they wanted me arrive home early, so I left at about 11. Saying goodbye to them was really sad. The airport itself has so much memories of the past that I wish to not remember.

But memories are memories, and without them, I won't be who I am today.

I remember reading that sometimes what hurts you most is the thing that makes you stronger. You just have to find that strong point and it will be alright. One way, is by writing things down. Things that you loves, things that made you happy.

I wish I could come home to my family, but it is never gonna happen, not now. So maybe I should just let the best of it conquers me, for now.

I miss being home, the only place where I feel safe, but I'm happy here too.


And yes, I turn to retail therapy, which works well for me. Spent like a few for this and that, and I'm happy :) hahahah...

I still have a few things on my wish list though. Hope I can get them soon.

And I want my new toy :( pleaassseeeeee!!!!!

Surprisingly,

It hurts.

You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.

Yea.

A Silent Goodbye

Is the loudest.


Sad, but true.

When The Time Comes

I don't know which one is better...


To be bedridden, in a coma, yet still alive

Or to die an untimely death, like so sudden, but just, die



Well you don't really get to choose, do you?

And when the time comew, only then you'll know.

I just hope when the time comes I won't have to flash through my life regretting things I never did and not saying things I never said.

So yes, I forgive everyone, and I hope I will be forgiven in return, as I don't know if I would still be alive to see tomorrow.

Of Syawal

In life, we often forget what means to us the most and we get busy with the daily activities that fills our schedule. We forget that time passes us so fast that if we don't appreciate what we have today, we might not have the time tomorrow.

The whole month of Ramadhan has taught me a lot about appreciating the small things in life, as there are times when we overlook these small things and take them for granted.

This Ramadhan, I learnt about lost, of how hurtful it would be not being able to celebrate Eid with the person you love, and knowing that you will never see them again. It's been long since I lost someone close, and though I see people pass away on a daily basis, the feeling will never be the same. I pray that those who have lost will be strong, and know that their loved ones are surely the chosen ones :').

I also learn about the meaning of being lonely. This is the first time I'm alone, as I usually have Kakak around, and the truth is, I haven't wake up for my sahur for quite a few days. I will wake up, chew a cooking, drink some water and that's it. I used to be someone who needs to take sahur, but somehow this year, I'm just not in the mood. Thankfully Grizzly was there, so there were times when he comes to have sahur with me downstairs or drives to a nearby restaurant, and yes, Amar, who is always insisting me to go to Rasta TTDI which is like so far! oh well, you're leaving in a few days, so I'll see you anyway.

Even Eid this year is different. Not being able to wish a few people breaks my heart, but I'm grateful to have the people who are around me. Those people who pushed me to stand up when I thought of giving up, and those who would help me bring myself back together. These people are the ones who have always believe in me.

I also believe that Eid is the time for forgiving, if not the whole year. I'm not perfect, and I'm bound to make another million mistakes or so, I hope everyone can help guide me through this stage called life. I texted s few people I haven't text in ages, trying to amend broken friendships. I hope this will pay off, in one way or another. Whatever the outcome is, I'm glad I finally found the courage to do so.

And to that one person who I don't have the number, I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and we can be friends, as I would never want to lose s great friend like you.





I really hope this Eid brings tranquility to everyone, and that we give a chance to each other, to forgive, to forget, and most importantly, a chance for ourselves.

Eid Mubarak.

Holiday + Raya Shopping Spree

I never thought this day would come. Holidays! Hahaha. Such and exaggeration, but that was how I felt as I was talking to Era about the raya and holiday plans made for this one week holiday. I've finished my PMD and PMS this week, which means I'm only kept with EMB writeup and studying to do.

Mummy called asking for the lost of ingredients I would want her to buy to make our raya goodies. Hehe. Got the recipe from mama, and excited to try it out!

Anyway, part of my to do list is to go blog hopping again. Been ages since I've read other people's writings and I kinda miss it :( . That is IF I have time. A lot of other things to do during this one week, please don't pass by too fast! Huuuu.. Need to read update from Miss Wafaa and Vivy, haih, I'm so out of date these days!

And today, is the day for my raya shopping. I will finally stroll through the stores to find a nice outfit to be worn on Eid. Excited? You bet. Thankfully grizzly will drive, and I won't have to worry about the massive traffic in KL. Please be nice to me later, okay?

And yes, a date with Era later. :)



A friend of mine just got her heart broken. And the excuse was because she's too good for him? *me am puzzled* but he said he loves her. And now he's on his knees begging her to come back.

My advice?

Love is not enough. Sometimes you love someone so much that you will be so vulnerable to that person, and your heart will bleed for the smallest things. And when something keeps on bleeding, it will heal with fibrous tissues and scars, and you can never be the same again. Your heart wont have enough blood, end up in tissue ischaemia and necrosis. =p Don't hang on too much on love, as heart changes. Don't assume things will get better, they won't. You deserve much more than that. Besides, we're not that desperate. And promises are to be kept even it is not spoken of anymore. :)

And you, please leave her alone, or I'll shove my fist down your throat. I know you'll be reading this anyway.

Be strong Sayang. Love you to bits! Call me, okay?

Ray a Hair

In less than one week ago I finally gathered up my courage and went to the saloon for a haircut. Haha. Too much exaggeration there I suppose. Heeee. Well, I've been busy since final year commenced and I postponed my trip to the saloon for about a thousand times. I've been wanting a haircut since I was in London. Need to get rid of all the hair that was once curled. Too dry edy lor...

Anyway, I did nothing new actually. No curls, perms or whatsoever, just a straight cut. Didn't even rebonded my hair. 4 hours in the saloon would be a waste to my precious time, maybe next time, maybe never, I don't really mind anymore. And I had a great Iftar at ikea with the Ramadhan buffet offer after. So life's good :)

Looking into the mirror now, I immediately saw myself as an 11 year old kid. Even Omar said so. Oh well. Better look younger than older, right? *me convincing myself*

I can't upload pictures here as I haven't sync my photo album to this application. Maybe I'll upload them in my raya post :) hehe. Those who knew me since forever would probably know how I look like right now. Haha.





I've got a few to do's before going back this weekend, which includes presentations and a trip to the post office. Bought Mika his birthday present and I would want it to arrive on his birthday, God willing :) And yea, laundry. Hihi

Raya mood is affecting everyone. Feel so lazy to actually enter the ward! Hiks.

Ps: loving the new feeling on my finger :) now there's two! Hahahaha