Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
With time you learn to forgive those who you thought were unforgivable, those who have have hurt you deeply, torn your heart into peaces and just move on as the hatred does not matter anymore.
With time you learn that some things are not worth it and that it is to let go, that it will only hold you back in life, while others are sketching their path towards success. You learn that letting go will free you from a million sufferings, and grant you a million blessings.
With time you learn that while others mature and be more responsible, some just stay the same, unchanged. And these are the people who will hold you back in life. Those who are scared to explore the wonders of the world, to be so comfortable in their tiny zone, which will one day need to be expanded.
With time you learn to forgive without an apology and to love unconditionally. You try to sleep each night forgiving every single person who did you wrong and try to love them instead. And you try to see the differences in other people, the variability and the pressure.
With time, anything can happen, and dreams can come true.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Trying not to be all teary like I always do during exams, I find my own comfort in my friends and family, and not to forget lecturers as well!!!
Last week was our first week of study leave and we had a whole week of revision classes which started from 8am to 8pm! Exhausting? Definitely!!!!
So on Friday we decided to take the night off and went for a stress relief session at Tony Roma's. Lol. That was so much fun! Followed by Ali and Aina's wedding on Saturday and facetimes + skypes with my family, I'm all motivated and inspired to study. Hope this lasts! Wish me luck!!!!!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Life is full of challenges, only to make you a better person.
Thank you, for all the things You have given me, as there is nothing else that I could ask for. I'm glad to be where I am right now, no regrets, and I've found my answer.
Exam is coming. Do pray for me and all of my friends :) May all of us get through this together!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Just mention this title to anyone from my secondary school and everyone will know what it is about. I remember reading this novel after my PMR exams at school, when everyone was changing story books and games. It has been.. what? 8 years? since I finished my PMR. Or maybe slightly less. I'm bad in time, you know :P
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I have been to a lot of karaoke centres, KTV, Redbox, Superstar, you name it. It is hard for me to say no even if i have just been karaoke-ing the previous night.
Due to my love in karaoke, when an offer came for just RM40 for 4 people for 3 hours, I had to purchase the Groupon. It was at Facekara, at Viva Homes. I've never been to Viva Homes, but all my previous experiences were awesome, so I thought, why not?
And yes, I think you figured that it was a total disappointment. Why?
1. I called to book on Thursday for the midnight session from 11pm to 2am, and the person said that he had our rooms booked. He also told us that we have 2 complementary snacks and 2 complementary tidbits which could be changed to whatever say 3 tidbits or 4 snacks or whatever. Snacks in Redbox means chicken wings and those sort, so I was looking forward to change all my tidbits into snacks. Upon arrival we were told that we couldn't do that. I didn't wanna argue much, so I just walked into our room.
2. When Era was singing Siti Nurhaliza's Sendiri, suddenly the electricity went out! Imagine that. Thank goodness they had some backup so the lights were up in no time, but their computer system crashed. Era had to leave by 1 so she couldn't continue singing which was really sad since it has been a while since I went out with her. We spent almost 45minutes waiting for the system to reboot or something, and we were told that we were granted another hour. And all that we had was just another bowl of chips -.-" Honestly, the least you could do is give everyone another round of drinks or something.
3. So our 3 hour karaoke which should end at 2 was postponed to 3, or so we thought. At 1.45am our screen went blank. I went to the main counter and complained, thank goodness she gave us another extra hour. I mean seriously, our original time hasn't ended, what more the extra time given. I was rather pissed, but I decided to just keep quiet.
4. Previously, in other karaoke centers, even if you time is up and you are still singing they will allow you to finish up the song. But Chia was singing and the screen went blank and we were like -.-"
5. The juice and carbonated drinks are RM2, but the mineral water is RM6! And there is nothing special about it, AT ALL
So we were walking to the car when the 6th incident happen
6. The guard locked ALL the doors to the parkings!!! I mean seriously, as a guard working for that particular building, don't you know that there is a karaoke centre which closes at 3 on the weekends. And worst, he was like, "why aren't you guys back?" and all I did was give him "the look" as I did not have the energy to reply.
So, I made a conclusion that i will NEVER go there again. Alamanda's karaoke is way better, and even the karaoke stalls are 3000% better! I just spent 4 hours wasting my time there. But oh well, I did enjoyed a few song selections.
Ps: the actual price for that place is RN179! Imagine wasting THAT much money.... -.-"
Friday, November 25, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
It has been almost six years since I finished my SPM. Time does fly, and when I think about it, it is as if I can see that whatever happened, happens for a reason. Things that I was so devastated about in the past, that would make me cry for days seemed like the things that made me stronger each day.
Almost five years ago I gave up my dream of studying abroad and went to a local medical college due to some unavoidable circumstances. Only God knows how sad I was then. Studying abroad was my childhood dream, I wanted to go back to where I grew up, simply as I never felt like I have ever fit in here. I don't have any friends there, nor was I ever in touch with any of my school mates then, but I wanted to be there so badly.
Since I was in primary school, I had the feeling of not belonging. My thinking was different, my acts were different. Going through high school was a roller coaster ride and I found my best friends there. But that was it. After we finished our SPM, we went our own ways. Though we still met up for dinners and slumber sessions, but things will never be the same. I can't just run to them when I was sad and we are now busy with our own obligations and responsibilities.
University life was totally different than anything, though come to think about it, it was just a mixture of people not able to let go of their childhood and those who thinks their too cool for school and a rare bunch of normal kids. Me? I'm the outcast. I never felt like I would ever fit in, though I tried. And in the end people just look at me like I'm faking it, and I decided to exclude myself from anything that could bring harm to my emotions anymore. Trying to fit in, just to be excepted is exhausting, and in the end I'm just never good enough and I know it. I stay close to the people who I know will be there for me, and I thank God I have found a handful of saviors.
Anyway, I went through my first two years of medical school quite okay. I can tell for one thing that I was no longer the nerd I used to be. Maybe deep inside I was rebelling, and all I thought was that I just wanted to pass everything and get through with it. I stayed with my older sister though we didn't really talk much. Not that we were not close, she was too busy as she has just entered her clinical years and I was barely awake each time she got home.
As I entered my third year, my life turned 180 degrees. Adik went to a boarding school, in a campus where I once was, and trust me she was not easy to handle. The first NINE months that she was there was spent on the phone crying her heart out, telling me that she wants to quit. My parents are not around and I had no idea what to do. All I could do was to talk to her and calm her down.
But what she did affected everything, my emotions, my studies and my time. I'm not a parent, and I have no idea of how to console a crying child in a boarding school. I wouldn't say that boarding school to me was all flowers and butterflies, but I'm sure I didn't call my parents crying my heart out. I distanced from friends who tried to help me as I was mad if they got mad at me for always entertaining adik's emotional blast and in the end I was cranky most of the time. All I wanted was someone to talk to and no one was there. I hate it when they question my actions in such an accusing manner, I hate it that the only person that I used to talk to was thousands of miles apart and that I couldn't reach to, I hate it that I was to blame if anything went wrong when I have poured my heart and soul into it, and I hate it when I was accused of being irresponsible and pampering.
But every dark cloud has its silver lining. Apart from me being an emotional wreck and depressed most of the time, and apart from not concentrating in class and jeopardizing my studies, what happened brought us, kakak, adik and I closer together. Not that we were not close before, but we became inseparable. I learn the qualities of parenting (single parent, mind you) and how to tolerate with stress. In the end, I think I became a better sister. I learned to listen to adik's problem and helped solving them, I learned to be patient and generous, I learned to divide my time between my own luxury, my studies and my family.
When I realize that adik is ending her school days soon, I get really emotional. My baby sister is finally a grown up, and I hope that we will be close like this forever.
My life has not been all happy. I lost a lot of things along the way, mainly my dreams and my first love. Yet I gained a lot as well. Sometimes when we are denied from something that we want, we will always find ways to blame and point fingers without realizing there are a million other better things waiting for us to reveal. I'm still learning to be satisfied with all that I have, and I know that if I work hard enough, someday my dreams will come true. And if it does not, then it is just not meant to be and there is something better stored for me, someday :)
I really hope adik does well in her exams. I'm just like a proud parent :P
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Best Friends Forever, by Jennifer Weiner. What made me bought the book in the first place was because I've read In Her Shoes which was also written by her, and yes, the cover was attractive :p And I did read the synopsis first mind you!
So this book revolves around Adelaide Downs, an overweight girl whose life changed drastically with the presence of a new girl in her small town in Illinois - Valerie Alder. Their friendship grew stronger each day till one incident at high school brought them apart.
Fifteen years of silent treatment between the two best friends, Addie, who has lost so much weight, enough to be considered normal, heard a knock on her door. It was indeed unusual, but she had a feeling that she knew the person behind that door, her long lost friend, Val.
This story is about trying to make it right for the lost times, when things are not always what it seemed. It shows that some people may superficially look happy, that they are content and pleased with their life when actually on the inside they are hurting.
Sometimes in life we don't really know what we want and we tend to make the wrong decisions, and everything comes with a price. Some things get better, some just let the feud go on forever. It all depends on you. Some even take time, years to be repaired.
This story shows the value of friendship, the way a girl will never say no to her best friend even though she knows that it means bad news, even if her best friend has hurt her so much in the past. And it takes only communication to understand, to really understand what lies beneath beautiful clothes or a pretty face.
This book also has a value of mystery on its own. You would go on wondering what happened to Addie and Val as their childhood flashbacks shows two happy girls, the comes the contrast of Val's personality and everything.
This book is also about loneliness felt by a girl who lost everything so fast - first her best friend, then the world despised her, then the sudden death of her father followed by her mother suffering from cancer. And this girl had no one left for her as her brother is mentally ill after a fatal accident almost took his life. She was left with nothing.
In a nutshell, this book is about acceptance, to accept who you are, to accept and have peace with the past and to accept that it is time to move on.
I didn't really finish this book overnight. I was disciplined enough not to let this book interfere with my studies or anything, but is was a good read :)
After years of trying, I noticed that I was not only troubling myself, I made people take me for granted. I would say things like 'I'll always be there when you need me' and I will literally get that kind of attention - only when you need me.
I thought it was okay, that everyone is like that. Before I realize that I'm doing the maximum harm to myself. Not physically, emotionally. I always wonder if I am at fault, if I am the reason for something to happen, especially when it is bad. I never think I was good enough.
I was talking to my friend the other night and what she said stunned me, " Everyone wants to be that girl Nana, even me." And it got me thinking that I am not alone in this hoping and wishing and dreaming and everything in between.
Some of you reading this might think I'm exaggerating things. Think all you want, as you might see me as a happy girl dancing and smiling all the time, but you would never understand what is happening inside my life. I'm not living a dream life where you could envy me for, I'm just living to be happy.
I wanted to be that girl that could change, but it changed me instead. And sometimes trying to satisfy hurts so much, when I know there is always something wrong, and I am never ever good enough.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Last Saturday I went back to Mama’s immediately after Dr. Shu’s Saturday class as I thought I had to babysit the two exam-to-be girls at home. So it happens that mama decided not to go back to Melaka and the two girls went to their SPM study group (I didn’t have one then :P)
Anyway, I was homealone that evening since everyone had errands to run and I was carless. Huhu. So I browsed the TV and stopped at an epic love story – Jerry Maguire.
Remember this quote? Here, let me remind you the scene…
I can’t find the clip of what happened before that. But let me remind you about the story.
Jerry married Dorothy as he can’t be alone, and he knew that Dorothy will support him no matter what. Did he love her? Well, maybe?
Then he became so absorbed in his work life that he started to abandon Dorothy and her son, leaving her even emptier than she already was, being again, the oldest 26 year old girl alive. That night their talk at the lawn..
Dorothy: I took advantage of you and worst of all, I'm not alone. I did this with a kid. I was just on some ride where I thought I was in 1ove enough for both of us. I did this. And at least I can do something about it now.
Jerry: Well -- I'm not the guy who's going to run. I stick.
Dorothy: I don't need you to "stick."
Jerry: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.
Jerry: What if I'm just not built that way?
Dorothy: I think we made a mistake here.
Jerry: What if it's true? "Great at friendship bad at intimacy." I mean, come on. It's the theme of my bachelor party film --
Dorothy: I know. I watched it. I sort of know it by heart.
Jerry: I don't like to give up.
Dorothy: Oh please. My need to make the best of things, and your need to be what, "responsible"... if one of us doesn't say something now we might lose ten years being polite about it. Why don't we call this next road trip what it is. A nice long break.
Jerry: What about Ray?
Dorothy: There's no question you'll be friends. Of course you'll be friends.
Jerry: So this break... is a break-up.
Dorothy: Come on, Jerry. You know this isn't easy for me. I mean, on the surface, you'd almost think everything was fine. See, I've got this great guy who loves my kid -- and he sure does like me a lot. I can't live that way. It's not the way I'm built.
I know for a fact that it is difficult to say goodbye to that one person you love, that in the end no matter what you do you will always turn back to them, and accept them just the way they are. Because THAT is how girls, women are built.
Sometimes guys take what we take too seriously, like when we say it is over, all we want is for you guys to say that it is not, that you want to make it right, to make it better.
If you don’t say so, she’ll wait for a while, then she’ll meet someone who can treat her better, and someone who can SHOW her that she is loved. It is definitely not fair to expect to be loved when you don’t love in return, is it?
Maybe you’re mad at her, so ignore her for a while, but don’t shut her off and make her think that you just don’t effin’ care, because she does. And for the millionth time, when she says ‘Give me time’, it means you just give her SOME time, not FOREVER. If you want her, she will definitely want you back.
I know the mind of a lady is as complex as they way she chooses the dress she wants to wear every single day. We are meant to be like that, and sorry, we can’t help it. Sometimes we just blurt things out without thinking. Sometimes we overthink things, and we care for the smallest details. Personally I know it’s not easy to understand all this, as sometimes I also feel that my feelings are taking over my mind. Emotionally driven? Definitely!
Well, in Jerry Maguire, Jerry came back. And he said a lot of things, what he didn’t know was he had already had her heart back with hello.
Is it that simple? Trust me, it is.
Just don’t let time wear off what she feels, and make her think that you don’t care when you do, that’s all.
Honestly, Jerry Maguire is one of my favourite love stories of all time. It reminds me of my high school days when we would cramp the recreation room just to watch it J
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
And yes, as expected I went crazy in the hall. I bought 12 novels for myself, sticker and playbooks for Sara and Mika :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I cry alone.
Maybe that's the best, for everyone.
I've tried being strong for every single person I care and love.
And sometimes I just feel like it is my time to break down.
Stop trying to understand me.
Stop trying to feel sorry.
Stop trying to prove that things will turn out to be fine
I can heal my own heart with time
And I'll stand up again
Though it may be a bit scattered
But I know I'll make it somehow
So stay, if you want to stay
And leave if you think it is the best for you
Don't think about me
I'll have my smile back on
And sing my favourite song
So none of you would ever know
The cuts and bruises I have
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sara: A nurse!
Friday, October 7, 2011
from Steve Jobs. A man who changed the world, brought us the future.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I know some people regard it as just joking and fooling around, though I know there is always a percentage of truth behind every "I'm just kidding".
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
When did I get into this again?
Yesterday I was perfectly happy. Or was that yesteryear?
Anyone who has the key or door or whatsoever that can show the future, can I borrow it for a sec?
I'm tired. Waiting.
Gonna be a long day again, tomorrow.
Current mood: blur
Maybe I should sleep if off. Works well in the past. If not to wake up feeling ever so lost than before.
They say dreams is a wish your heart makes.
If that is true, why do I keep seeing the same face, that same smile over and over again?
Something I've always hold on to -
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.
When will I get my happilu ever after?
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Vampire Diaries Season 3 is here people!!!!!
And the first episode made me cry, like literally.
Though I wouldn't want Elena to be with Stefan, but oh well.
If it were me, I'd choose Damon :P
Glee and Gossip Girl will be back next week, and my life is complete :) heeeeeee
Should I start watching the new series?
Anyway, I'll be starting a new posting next week. They say that this one is really hectic. Just what I need to get my mind off stuff.
In my mind right now - January or June? Can't choose both though, I'll be banned! Lolz.
Tomorrow is the first day and I must be early, not even a minute late! So I think I should sleep early then.
My tummy is not happy :(
That day, someone opened up the story of his life to me and a few friends. He's now matured, successful, and have travelled around the world. The first time I met him, I thought of how calm he was, and how close he was to God. I can see the sparkle in his eyes when he speaks, and his words are ever so kind even when he is mad.
When he told us about what happened in his life, all I thought was - how can someone go through so much pain? Quoting the exact words from him, "I will definitely laugh when I remembered how stupid I was then, but that's life. You should learn to get to know people, and the world, and try to see it all." But it wasn't an easy journey he had. He made a few wrong choices, went through hardships, even almost became an alcoholic, almost into major depression.
Sometimes when we cry ourselves every single night to sleep we wonder if the pain that we endure will ever come to an end. We think that we are alone in this world feeling such pain, and we wonder if tomorrow we will wake up with the same feeling, the hurt, the emptiness that we feel inside.
I've heard this countless of times - you will be okay, someday you will just look back and laugh of what had happened.
But till that time comes, how would you know? Or will you be forever wondering, and wondering, over and over again. Would your heart ever be whole again?
Even if we see someone extremely happy, bubbly and excited, that person may have a story that you can never expect. I know it is wrong to assume, and that person might really he content with their lives, but isn't it better for us to be focused on ourselves rather than bring others down? Everyone has their own share of ups and down in life, I belief so.
And even if tomorrow I'll be able to wake up and laugh about the tears I shed today, it does not making it any less hurtful than it already is.
I couldn't possible go to everyone and ask them, what's your story? And even if I did, it will not be that easy for me to understand.
I know everyone has their own story, to tell or not to tell. I do too, as I may not see things the same way as other people do.
If only I could turn back time, to a time when everything was definitely different. To that time, the perfect moment. Just then.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Today I went back to Melaka for a family day. It was held at one of my aunt's lawn, where everyone was gathered. But I didn't really knew everyone, as it is a gathering of our big family, my late great-great-grandfather's side, arwah Dol bin Endin. He had 5 children, and many grandchildren. This is the first time we gathered, it was exciting to see people you thought were only neighbors and knowing that they are related to you.
I am the descendant of my late grandfather, arwah Haji Samsudin bin Said bin Dol. He married my grandmother, Hajah Che Mah binti Daud and was blessed with six children, three boys and three girls :) That means I'm the third generation of the gathering. Hehe.
What I'm really proud of my family (the Samsudin's) is our closeness. Up to today, there are 66 of us, including in-laws and new kids. Yet we are still close. News travels like CNN and whenever there is any problem, we will try to solve it together.
I miss my big family. The last time we had our own gathering was back when I was 11. Even this time not many of us are able to join due to other duties. But deep inside I know and believe that we are somehow close. There is no news that is kept a secret, which is good in a way, and also not so good as these people will hold your past against you - say you have done something embarrassing in the past, they will mention it during gatherings, raya or any occasion that may remind them of it - FOREVER! Haha. See how close we are?
I am also grateful that my family is doing well. What we've always believe in is that it is not easy to keep up the good name, and that we shall work hard to make sure that our family name is not tarnished. If we were to trace back our family's descendants, it starts from the first Kapitan of Melaka, but that is such a long story. the gathering today is to bring back the big family together, for us to be able to recognize our own flesh and blood, and help them whenever in need.
I can proudly say that I love my whole family, and that I believe, no matter happen, he have each other's back :) Yes my cousins and I fight like cats and dogs when we were younger, but today we are closer than siblings! I miss those days when I will run to nenek crying and be given 50cents to buy chocolate :p I was really pampered then! Hehe..
My dream is to have a place to gather our lovely family, all 66 of us and spend a day or two, just having fun. Now my family is scattered all over the world, and I know it will be difficult, but I'm praying that one day my dream will come true.
Ps: sorry no pictures. All of them are with angah :p will post them once I get them from him. Hehe
this post is for u :p
well, this is a long weekend, and tomorrow i'm going back to melaka for a family day! weeeee... i can't wait.
today i met with a few friends back in sunway :) had so much fun!
and went to sg. buloh later for an open house, and another one in selayang :)
now i'm super full!
gaining weight much???
[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]
Somebody to turn to when everything goes wrong
When I am lost, and I can't find my way back
When I need to spill out what I feel
And to tell me everything is gonna be alright.
I need to talk
To be listened to
Even just for a moment
Sometimes it is good to argue, but please don't be mr-fix-it-all as that is not what I want.
Parenting is not an easy job, and it needs more than just assuming that your child is okay. I know I'm not a mother, well, I'm not even married yet. But making a decision for someone is difficult, especially when it is a big one.
No one makes decisions to destroy you, especially family.
Sometimes you don't know what's the best for you, and what you want might not be it.
Feeling so much pain I could write a song about. Lolz
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
That is isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself
I make mistakes not less than anyone else in this world. I'm not perfect, I change.
I break promises made to people I love the most, keep things from them, and lie.
I hurt people who mean the world to me just to prevent my own heart from breaking, just to have it shattered into pieces.
I am of no right to ask for forgiveness as I might not deserve it.
I do things unintentionally without thinking, say things out of the blue.
I'm not nice, but I'm not evil either. Or so I think.
I'm only human
In love with this song. And the little girl who sang it :)
'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
I'm not moving. :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
For Gossip Girl season 5, and a chance to gossip about it with Xander again :)
I'm like super excited. It is nice to have something to look forward too.
Oh, it starts on the 26th of September mates. So get your internet working and your hardisk empty for new downloads :)
You know you love me xoxo
A few to do things before I'm done with this posting which will start tonight, after my on calls if I have the energy. Loosing appetite these days. -.- so not fun. But I can't eat anything, okay not THAT severe but I've turned into someone extremely picky. Thankfully those that I want are not super expensive :p
Mummy, can I book my ticket now, please?
I wanna skype with Sara again! Can't wait for next weekend. Sometimes she even chats with me through whatsapp. Kids these days -.- An also little Mika.
And professional exams are in.. 4months?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Definitely my way of getting thing off my mind.
Well, I sent Adik off to her school today, and bid goodbye to mama's family. Being back home, alone, I can't help but feel sad. I know I shouldn't be. The one week holiday and everyone together under the same roof made me realize that I should be grateful for still having my family with me.
Last night I went to send my parents at the airport. Their flight was at 2am, but they wanted me arrive home early, so I left at about 11. Saying goodbye to them was really sad. The airport itself has so much memories of the past that I wish to not remember.
But memories are memories, and without them, I won't be who I am today.
I remember reading that sometimes what hurts you most is the thing that makes you stronger. You just have to find that strong point and it will be alright. One way, is by writing things down. Things that you loves, things that made you happy.
I wish I could come home to my family, but it is never gonna happen, not now. So maybe I should just let the best of it conquers me, for now.
I miss being home, the only place where I feel safe, but I'm happy here too.
And yes, I turn to retail therapy, which works well for me. Spent like a few for this and that, and I'm happy :) hahahah...
I still have a few things on my wish list though. Hope I can get them soon.
And I want my new toy :( pleaassseeeeee!!!!!
You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.
Friday, September 2, 2011
I don't know which one is better...
To be bedridden, in a coma, yet still alive
Or to die an untimely death, like so sudden, but just, die
Well you don't really get to choose, do you?
And when the time comew, only then you'll know.
I just hope when the time comes I won't have to flash through my life regretting things I never did and not saying things I never said.
So yes, I forgive everyone, and I hope I will be forgiven in return, as I don't know if I would still be alive to see tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
In life, we often forget what means to us the most and we get busy with the daily activities that fills our schedule. We forget that time passes us so fast that if we don't appreciate what we have today, we might not have the time tomorrow.
The whole month of Ramadhan has taught me a lot about appreciating the small things in life, as there are times when we overlook these small things and take them for granted.
This Ramadhan, I learnt about lost, of how hurtful it would be not being able to celebrate Eid with the person you love, and knowing that you will never see them again. It's been long since I lost someone close, and though I see people pass away on a daily basis, the feeling will never be the same. I pray that those who have lost will be strong, and know that their loved ones are surely the chosen ones :').
I also learn about the meaning of being lonely. This is the first time I'm alone, as I usually have Kakak around, and the truth is, I haven't wake up for my sahur for quite a few days. I will wake up, chew a cooking, drink some water and that's it. I used to be someone who needs to take sahur, but somehow this year, I'm just not in the mood. Thankfully Grizzly was there, so there were times when he comes to have sahur with me downstairs or drives to a nearby restaurant, and yes, Amar, who is always insisting me to go to Rasta TTDI which is like so far! oh well, you're leaving in a few days, so I'll see you anyway.
Even Eid this year is different. Not being able to wish a few people breaks my heart, but I'm grateful to have the people who are around me. Those people who pushed me to stand up when I thought of giving up, and those who would help me bring myself back together. These people are the ones who have always believe in me.
I also believe that Eid is the time for forgiving, if not the whole year. I'm not perfect, and I'm bound to make another million mistakes or so, I hope everyone can help guide me through this stage called life. I texted s few people I haven't text in ages, trying to amend broken friendships. I hope this will pay off, in one way or another. Whatever the outcome is, I'm glad I finally found the courage to do so.
And to that one person who I don't have the number, I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and we can be friends, as I would never want to lose s great friend like you.
I really hope this Eid brings tranquility to everyone, and that we give a chance to each other, to forgive, to forget, and most importantly, a chance for ourselves.
Friday, August 26, 2011
I never thought this day would come. Holidays! Hahaha. Such and exaggeration, but that was how I felt as I was talking to Era about the raya and holiday plans made for this one week holiday. I've finished my PMD and PMS this week, which means I'm only kept with EMB writeup and studying to do.
Mummy called asking for the lost of ingredients I would want her to buy to make our raya goodies. Hehe. Got the recipe from mama, and excited to try it out!
Anyway, part of my to do list is to go blog hopping again. Been ages since I've read other people's writings and I kinda miss it :( . That is IF I have time. A lot of other things to do during this one week, please don't pass by too fast! Huuuu.. Need to read update from Miss Wafaa and Vivy, haih, I'm so out of date these days!
And today, is the day for my raya shopping. I will finally stroll through the stores to find a nice outfit to be worn on Eid. Excited? You bet. Thankfully grizzly will drive, and I won't have to worry about the massive traffic in KL. Please be nice to me later, okay?
And yes, a date with Era later. :)
A friend of mine just got her heart broken. And the excuse was because she's too good for him? *me am puzzled* but he said he loves her. And now he's on his knees begging her to come back.
Love is not enough. Sometimes you love someone so much that you will be so vulnerable to that person, and your heart will bleed for the smallest things. And when something keeps on bleeding, it will heal with fibrous tissues and scars, and you can never be the same again. Your heart wont have enough blood, end up in tissue ischaemia and necrosis. =p Don't hang on too much on love, as heart changes. Don't assume things will get better, they won't. You deserve much more than that. Besides, we're not that desperate. And promises are to be kept even it is not spoken of anymore. :)
And you, please leave her alone, or I'll shove my fist down your throat. I know you'll be reading this anyway.
Be strong Sayang. Love you to bits! Call me, okay?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
In less than one week ago I finally gathered up my courage and went to the saloon for a haircut. Haha. Too much exaggeration there I suppose. Heeee. Well, I've been busy since final year commenced and I postponed my trip to the saloon for about a thousand times. I've been wanting a haircut since I was in London. Need to get rid of all the hair that was once curled. Too dry edy lor...
Anyway, I did nothing new actually. No curls, perms or whatsoever, just a straight cut. Didn't even rebonded my hair. 4 hours in the saloon would be a waste to my precious time, maybe next time, maybe never, I don't really mind anymore. And I had a great Iftar at ikea with the Ramadhan buffet offer after. So life's good :)
Looking into the mirror now, I immediately saw myself as an 11 year old kid. Even Omar said so. Oh well. Better look younger than older, right? *me convincing myself*
I can't upload pictures here as I haven't sync my photo album to this application. Maybe I'll upload them in my raya post :) hehe. Those who knew me since forever would probably know how I look like right now. Haha.
I've got a few to do's before going back this weekend, which includes presentations and a trip to the post office. Bought Mika his birthday present and I would want it to arrive on his birthday, God willing :) And yea, laundry. Hihi
Raya mood is affecting everyone. Feel so lazy to actually enter the ward! Hiks.
Ps: loving the new feeling on my finger :) now there's two! Hahahaha
Saturday, August 20, 2011
When I was young, I used to be that girl you see in a dress with a tiara in her head, dreaming of her prince charming riding my in a white stallion, saving her from an evil dragon.
As years went by, I learn that fairytales don't exist, and that they are just imaginations. No one is gonna save you, no one will care. When you love, you have to sacrifice your heart and feelings, and keep everything inside. I learnt that love is sacrifice and that nothing will be gained without it.
And I was hurt and hurt all over again. I thought it was wrong for me wanting something for myself, demanding my own happiness. I thought I had to just go with the flow and listen to the needs and wants of everyone else except myself.
Then something happened, and made me evaluate my view of life, of love, and friendship. I've always told myself that love is enough, when deep down I know it is not. And I learn to live and embrace that reality. If you can't be there in person, you can't be there at all.
Today I'm writing my own fairytale. It might not involve dragons, or horses, or a wicked witch, but it sure does involve less tears and unlimited happiness. Sometimes you do need tears to make you stronger, but you need happiness more to be able to pull yourself together and to be able to stand up and smile again. You can't live with that gloomy face forever, nor could you survive being always happy.
I've taken the step, and I'm not turning back.
And right now, I wish to be at 57, Purley Park Road.
Done with step one. Baby steps to step two :)
Counting days to April. Exams first though -.-
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Yesterday I went to KLCC with dear Pink for some spectacle shopping. Well, not really shopping as we ended up buying nothing, but we went to almost all the optical shops in the mall. Super fun, really :)
Then I went into my favorite shop, and immediately fell in love with the wallet I found. Such soft calf skin. Haih, if only I had the money to buy the whole set, which would cost me more than three months of salary. Not that I'm working though. Hahaha.
Oh well, I was going online surveying the factory outlet for that particular designer. And I fell in love with a pair of red flats! OMG they were just so pretty. And after conversion, it costs half than the price in the boutique in Malaysia.
Would I buy it?
I don't know. Should I?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
As usual, I'm a huge fan of TV series. Being home alone, I guess I really have nothing better to do than just continue to stream my YouTube or whatever websites that would help me watch the series online.
Currently my usuals are on break, so I'm on Pretty Litter Liars :) a really nice show though some of my friends think otherwise. Oh well, better to have it than nothing to pass time, right?
Currently I'm watching another two series along with PLL
The nine lives of Chloe King
It's about some mystical creatures that lives among human but could never be together, or something like that -.- .. Oh well, the guy, Alek is cute and I think Chloe is adorable though there are times when I would just strangle her!!!!
It is episode 9 this week :) and I am so looking forward for Alek and Chloe to be together. He's so cute, if you don't want to be with him, can I have him instead? Lol.
Switched at Birth
I've just watched a few episodes of this series. Rather depressing, but kinda nice. Been trying to finish till the current episode, but I end up doing something else instead.
It's about two girls who were accidentally switched at birth. As usual, one is from a freaking rich family and the other is..... Just okay. So the drama and the trouble comes in and so on. It's a light watch tho. :) it is nothing like the other series where I'd wait for hours just to watch it. It is the 'if I have tim' shows :)
Can't wait for next month.
Questions discussed in Oxford that are yet to be answered:
1. Is Blair pregnant?
2. Is it Chuck's baby?
3. What is really happening to Serena's cousin?
4. And the list goes on and on....
Yes, I know that you would think I had nothing better to talk about in Oxford than Gossip Girl, but almost all students in Oxford watches it! Makes me feel belonged during the formal dinner we had :) hehehe
And yes, waiting for Vampire Diaries and Glee as well.
Will Glee 3D be any good? If only school reopened in July I would've stayed for the concert! :(
Anyway, I'm done with my second posting.
Next week will be super eventful.
1. Going to surgeryyyyyyy!!!!!!
2. Almost Eid!
I'll update about the third event soon okay? Just wish me luck and pray for the best.
Reunions coming up! I miss my college + school days so much! Everyone have change, a lot. And yet the world is still going round, and life is still going on.
And me? Life is good :) Alhamdulillah
Appreciate Ramadhan while it is here. May it bring change to all :)