Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I know some people regard it as just joking and fooling around, though I know there is always a percentage of truth behind every "I'm just kidding".
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
When did I get into this again?
Yesterday I was perfectly happy. Or was that yesteryear?
Anyone who has the key or door or whatsoever that can show the future, can I borrow it for a sec?
I'm tired. Waiting.
Gonna be a long day again, tomorrow.
Current mood: blur
Maybe I should sleep if off. Works well in the past. If not to wake up feeling ever so lost than before.
They say dreams is a wish your heart makes.
If that is true, why do I keep seeing the same face, that same smile over and over again?
Something I've always hold on to -
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.
When will I get my happilu ever after?
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Vampire Diaries Season 3 is here people!!!!!
And the first episode made me cry, like literally.
Though I wouldn't want Elena to be with Stefan, but oh well.
If it were me, I'd choose Damon :P
Glee and Gossip Girl will be back next week, and my life is complete :) heeeeeee
Should I start watching the new series?
Anyway, I'll be starting a new posting next week. They say that this one is really hectic. Just what I need to get my mind off stuff.
In my mind right now - January or June? Can't choose both though, I'll be banned! Lolz.
Tomorrow is the first day and I must be early, not even a minute late! So I think I should sleep early then.
My tummy is not happy :(
That day, someone opened up the story of his life to me and a few friends. He's now matured, successful, and have travelled around the world. The first time I met him, I thought of how calm he was, and how close he was to God. I can see the sparkle in his eyes when he speaks, and his words are ever so kind even when he is mad.
When he told us about what happened in his life, all I thought was - how can someone go through so much pain? Quoting the exact words from him, "I will definitely laugh when I remembered how stupid I was then, but that's life. You should learn to get to know people, and the world, and try to see it all." But it wasn't an easy journey he had. He made a few wrong choices, went through hardships, even almost became an alcoholic, almost into major depression.
Sometimes when we cry ourselves every single night to sleep we wonder if the pain that we endure will ever come to an end. We think that we are alone in this world feeling such pain, and we wonder if tomorrow we will wake up with the same feeling, the hurt, the emptiness that we feel inside.
I've heard this countless of times - you will be okay, someday you will just look back and laugh of what had happened.
But till that time comes, how would you know? Or will you be forever wondering, and wondering, over and over again. Would your heart ever be whole again?
Even if we see someone extremely happy, bubbly and excited, that person may have a story that you can never expect. I know it is wrong to assume, and that person might really he content with their lives, but isn't it better for us to be focused on ourselves rather than bring others down? Everyone has their own share of ups and down in life, I belief so.
And even if tomorrow I'll be able to wake up and laugh about the tears I shed today, it does not making it any less hurtful than it already is.
I couldn't possible go to everyone and ask them, what's your story? And even if I did, it will not be that easy for me to understand.
I know everyone has their own story, to tell or not to tell. I do too, as I may not see things the same way as other people do.
If only I could turn back time, to a time when everything was definitely different. To that time, the perfect moment. Just then.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Today I went back to Melaka for a family day. It was held at one of my aunt's lawn, where everyone was gathered. But I didn't really knew everyone, as it is a gathering of our big family, my late great-great-grandfather's side, arwah Dol bin Endin. He had 5 children, and many grandchildren. This is the first time we gathered, it was exciting to see people you thought were only neighbors and knowing that they are related to you.
I am the descendant of my late grandfather, arwah Haji Samsudin bin Said bin Dol. He married my grandmother, Hajah Che Mah binti Daud and was blessed with six children, three boys and three girls :) That means I'm the third generation of the gathering. Hehe.
What I'm really proud of my family (the Samsudin's) is our closeness. Up to today, there are 66 of us, including in-laws and new kids. Yet we are still close. News travels like CNN and whenever there is any problem, we will try to solve it together.
I miss my big family. The last time we had our own gathering was back when I was 11. Even this time not many of us are able to join due to other duties. But deep inside I know and believe that we are somehow close. There is no news that is kept a secret, which is good in a way, and also not so good as these people will hold your past against you - say you have done something embarrassing in the past, they will mention it during gatherings, raya or any occasion that may remind them of it - FOREVER! Haha. See how close we are?
I am also grateful that my family is doing well. What we've always believe in is that it is not easy to keep up the good name, and that we shall work hard to make sure that our family name is not tarnished. If we were to trace back our family's descendants, it starts from the first Kapitan of Melaka, but that is such a long story. the gathering today is to bring back the big family together, for us to be able to recognize our own flesh and blood, and help them whenever in need.
I can proudly say that I love my whole family, and that I believe, no matter happen, he have each other's back :) Yes my cousins and I fight like cats and dogs when we were younger, but today we are closer than siblings! I miss those days when I will run to nenek crying and be given 50cents to buy chocolate :p I was really pampered then! Hehe..
My dream is to have a place to gather our lovely family, all 66 of us and spend a day or two, just having fun. Now my family is scattered all over the world, and I know it will be difficult, but I'm praying that one day my dream will come true.
Ps: sorry no pictures. All of them are with angah :p will post them once I get them from him. Hehe
this post is for u :p
well, this is a long weekend, and tomorrow i'm going back to melaka for a family day! weeeee... i can't wait.
today i met with a few friends back in sunway :) had so much fun!
and went to sg. buloh later for an open house, and another one in selayang :)
now i'm super full!
gaining weight much???
[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]
Somebody to turn to when everything goes wrong
When I am lost, and I can't find my way back
When I need to spill out what I feel
And to tell me everything is gonna be alright.
I need to talk
To be listened to
Even just for a moment
Sometimes it is good to argue, but please don't be mr-fix-it-all as that is not what I want.
Parenting is not an easy job, and it needs more than just assuming that your child is okay. I know I'm not a mother, well, I'm not even married yet. But making a decision for someone is difficult, especially when it is a big one.
No one makes decisions to destroy you, especially family.
Sometimes you don't know what's the best for you, and what you want might not be it.
Feeling so much pain I could write a song about. Lolz
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
That is isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself
I make mistakes not less than anyone else in this world. I'm not perfect, I change.
I break promises made to people I love the most, keep things from them, and lie.
I hurt people who mean the world to me just to prevent my own heart from breaking, just to have it shattered into pieces.
I am of no right to ask for forgiveness as I might not deserve it.
I do things unintentionally without thinking, say things out of the blue.
I'm not nice, but I'm not evil either. Or so I think.
I'm only human
In love with this song. And the little girl who sang it :)
'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
I'm not moving. :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
For Gossip Girl season 5, and a chance to gossip about it with Xander again :)
I'm like super excited. It is nice to have something to look forward too.
Oh, it starts on the 26th of September mates. So get your internet working and your hardisk empty for new downloads :)
You know you love me xoxo
A few to do things before I'm done with this posting which will start tonight, after my on calls if I have the energy. Loosing appetite these days. -.- so not fun. But I can't eat anything, okay not THAT severe but I've turned into someone extremely picky. Thankfully those that I want are not super expensive :p
Mummy, can I book my ticket now, please?
I wanna skype with Sara again! Can't wait for next weekend. Sometimes she even chats with me through whatsapp. Kids these days -.- An also little Mika.
And professional exams are in.. 4months?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Definitely my way of getting thing off my mind.
Well, I sent Adik off to her school today, and bid goodbye to mama's family. Being back home, alone, I can't help but feel sad. I know I shouldn't be. The one week holiday and everyone together under the same roof made me realize that I should be grateful for still having my family with me.
Last night I went to send my parents at the airport. Their flight was at 2am, but they wanted me arrive home early, so I left at about 11. Saying goodbye to them was really sad. The airport itself has so much memories of the past that I wish to not remember.
But memories are memories, and without them, I won't be who I am today.
I remember reading that sometimes what hurts you most is the thing that makes you stronger. You just have to find that strong point and it will be alright. One way, is by writing things down. Things that you loves, things that made you happy.
I wish I could come home to my family, but it is never gonna happen, not now. So maybe I should just let the best of it conquers me, for now.
I miss being home, the only place where I feel safe, but I'm happy here too.
And yes, I turn to retail therapy, which works well for me. Spent like a few for this and that, and I'm happy :) hahahah...
I still have a few things on my wish list though. Hope I can get them soon.
And I want my new toy :( pleaassseeeeee!!!!!
You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.
Friday, September 2, 2011
I don't know which one is better...
To be bedridden, in a coma, yet still alive
Or to die an untimely death, like so sudden, but just, die
Well you don't really get to choose, do you?
And when the time comew, only then you'll know.
I just hope when the time comes I won't have to flash through my life regretting things I never did and not saying things I never said.
So yes, I forgive everyone, and I hope I will be forgiven in return, as I don't know if I would still be alive to see tomorrow.