Thursday, October 28, 2010



Tik tok tik tok ..

No one likes waiting. Being it to wait for something or someone. An anxious mother, waiting for the day she will deliver her baby, a student waiting for results and a patient, waiting to be called into the doctor's room for consultation. In the end, it is the same. Waiting.

Sometimes when the time is nearer the more anxious you get.

Right now, I'm waiting for just one thing..


It has been ages since we had those. How does it feel again? Haha. I can't wait for next year, for my trip to London. Would be using it to the max! Am planning a trip to Paris, if I can meet the budget :) And a few broadway shows. Haha.

Anyway, my days are smooth, though it feels like I'm gonna be down with a fever soon. My head is intermittently throbbing and I have a slight temperature. I don't think I'll be visiting adik this week since she's coming back on Tuesday. So I would spend this weekend resting, perhaps.

I have a few things on my wish list. Haha.

Thinking of adopting a new look. But which one?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

For Giving and Taking Back

Smile! It irritates those who wish to destroy you.

I read this on twitter yesterday and can't stop smiling. I have people I despise, but still I can't bear seeing them sad. I wish that if I were to be happy, then they are too. I feel that most of the time, but I'm no angel. There are also times when I feel like ripping out their hearts or blinding theirs eyes, literally, yes. I do have those evil thought which will usually resolve after a nap. Told you I just love sleeping! Haha.

Anyway, my week has been productive *at last* and I'm back to my usual self. No no no, not the usual self that you would know though, I haven't been me for quite some time now. Years, I think.

I remember when I was in high school, I used to have the time of my life. Music is my life. Then there is studying. I won't mind spending a whole weekend afternoon studying a single physics chapter, and I literally do it. I don't mind staying up late to revise, and to have study groups. I'm not actually familiar with the concept of study group back then, so all I would do was study, and ask anyone who was studying with me if I don't get something. Usually it would be Adilah or Chombee. Gosh. I miss those days!

I used to have a huge craze on maggie and oldies songs. Random. But I just love eating maggie during weekends, especially those 'Maggie Goreng Perisa Asli'. We didn't have a sink in the pantry and we used to dispose the water through the window! Haha. Every night, we would have a cup of milk with biscuits. Ah, bliss!

When preparing for my PMR, we moved into a bigger campus, and we had single beds! It was awesome! As PMR candidates, we were allowed to stay up and study, but due to some unfortunate events - which included an intruder and so on - that privilege was taken away. It was purely because everyone was so concern of our safety and we decided to abide by the rules and stayed up in our dormitories accompanied by the light of the corridor. I remember turning my dorm into an oldies fan when I bought the album 'The Look of Love'. I miss singing the songs out loud with them while studying additional mathematics. Yes, we're nerds. Thank you.

I would give anything for a day back in high school, no, not the exam day please. Just a single normal day-to-day routine.

I miss my friends, the band girls, my dorm mates, my classmates, my batch. I miss being able to run to the next room to cry my heart out, to be able to confront and apologize sincerely without the need to feel that the next thing after apologizing is bad mouthing about you. And immediately. I miss Iqah and Eri and the crazy Pondot!

But we grow up, and there are some things that we eventually have to let go. I used to be scared if my best friend found a new friend, but I no longer am, as I realize that we should be able to expand our horizons. You never lose a friend, you just add more to the list :) And that's how you become happy..

Friday, October 22, 2010


Honestly, if I had the cash right here in my hands, I would've bought a ticket to go back home. Whenever I say I'm homesick and I want to go home, everyone keeps asking me this question, "Which one?" I don't know. What I know is I just want to go back, to where it is safe, waking up in my bed.

I miss home so much right now. Maybe most of us feels the same, but not all can understand what I feel. I don't have the luxury of seeing my parents every weekend, I don't even have the ability to call the every day as it is too costly.

Sometimes I get those cynical questions, of why would any parent leave their children all the way in Malaysia and travel, work and stay in a different country. Is money that important to my family that we let ourselves be separated. Some even wondered if they just don't care about us.

No one knows the actual reason for this arrangement but ourselves. My parents have a definite reason of why they prefer not to work here, and it involves a lot more than money.

I miss them so much.

If I could, I want to go home right now, no matter which one. I would even want to go to my aunts in KL as it does feel like home too. I just want to feel safe, a place where I don't have to explain myself and where it is ok to make mistakes.

I would give up anything for a trip home. Anything.

My heart must be a piñata. Everybody keeps trying to break it.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Sleep is an essential part of everyone's life. Since the day we were born, we sleep :) I love to sleep, so I usually find it hard to tolerate my sleep with other activities. I would eveb rather sleep than eat! Haha. Honest!

I have friends who share the sane hobby as me - sleeping. Somehow, when we sleep, everything seems to be okay and there is nothing left to worry about.

I can sleep anywhere I want to, as long as I have the desire to sleep. I can sleep while waiting for public transport, in any forms of transport, and anywhere at all! I once slept on the stairs near the mosque at Masjid Jamek while waiting for my friend! Haha.

Despite being able to sleep anywhere I want, I am fussy when it comes to sleeping on my bed. I must sleep with a blanket, no matter what the temperature is. And I need to hug something while sleeping, which will make me hug my pillow I'm lying on! I can't sleep if there are a lot of things on my bed, so usually I will just throw them off, and I need comfy clothes. Jeans are a total no-no for me.

Sometimes sleep makes tomorrow come earlier, and when I'm excited of something, I would try to sleep as early as possible. Sleeping early doesn't mean waking up early for me though. But sleeping is definitely a way to pass time.

Another habit that I have before going to sleep is reading a story book, or anything at all for that matter. When I was a little girl, we had those bedtime story-time every night at home, and daddy or mummy will be reading to us books such as Baba Yaga, Goldilocs, Cinderella and so on. Somehow I think it really contributed to my interest in reading.

I have friends who have certain conditions before sleeping such as no lights at all, no turning of the lights, must have music and so on. When I was in pre-U, my roommate was a really light sleeper that even the sound of me opening the cupboard will wake her up. It was really hard to tolerate in the beginning, but I learn that sometimes we will have to accept other people just the way they are. I really wonder where she is right now, Fayroozah!

I love sleeping and I think it is a way of relieving stress to. After a difficult exam paper, I would be all better after a loooong deep nap! Haha.

So what's your favourite thing to do?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Goodbye Bones, Hello Clinics :)

It has been some time since I updated about my studies and postings I'll be in. So yea, this week is the final week for orthopaedics and next week I'll be entering the next posting - Family Medicine. Being in fourth year is different from third year in a few aspects. Firstly, we no longer have holidays after each posting. This year we're having only 4 postings, thus the holidays are only after two postings. Secondly, we have exams after two postings. It means we will have to study for two postings instead of one for the exams. Besically, it means studying more. Haha.

Anyway, I'm done with orthopaedics, without any exams. We had a mock exam earlier this week. It was spontaneous and we only knew about it on that day! Most of us were going to surrender since the marks are not counted and we discussed the papers at the end of the session. Thankfully, most of us passed :) heeeee.

Due to the final year examination, we were not allowed to enter the wards for two whole weeks. It basically meant holiday for us, and without access to the wards, we lack of practice in physical examination and history taking. We were considered as the unlucky group *only to those who are studious* as we had less patients in Terendak, and Serdang didn't help much.

My group mates has changed this year, though I still have Chia and Isha with me. However, I am grateful that my group mates are those who are very easy to mix with, and they are also very friendly and we had a great time together! We went for karaoke sessions, shopping and eat eat eat!

Next week we're starting the new posting and the group has been divided into 3 subgroups. I don't know what to expect, but there's one thing I know which is I have to start studying now, if not I will surely regret it by the end of the posting! I've been playing around too much during ortho, so yes, back to basics again! I think I'll start next week. I need to get the book 1st. Anyone going to Kamal???

I still miss my dolls tho :( I need another girls night ladies!!!

The Other Guys

It is common for everyone to notice those in the front line, the ones who are more outstanding and popular. For instance, when someone accomplishes something in life, his or her name will be mentioned till the day they die. But we often forget that there are conditions when it is not actually a one man show. There are other people involved in it, abd there is also the other guy, who helped support or maintain, but sometimes these people are just ignored, forgotten and neglected.

This movie is about what happens after two very great policeman died during duty. The two policemen were super great, they would do anything to get the bad guys. Its a hilarious movie, that even the way they died was hilarious!

After their death, every other policemen in the team wanted to be who they were. So that's about it for the story line. It is a new movie, and I would recommend this movie for those who would want a good laugh.

For me, the beginning of the story line was great. It was interesting and full of action. But as the movie progress, I can't remember how many times I glanced at my watch. It was kinda slow. But still entertaining due to the spontaneous jokes. Its a really light movie, for those who would just want a 90 minute escape from the world. :)

This movie made me realize that sometimes we do not notice those who are contributing in the background. We only see the main picture, not the whole scene.

Oh, I also did a bit of shopping :) Got myself the top I wanted so much which was in the catalog and felt really good about it. The saying "better regret buying than regret not buying" really applies in this matter :) Haha. I have a new toy in my mind which I really want, gonna start a new piggy bank for it :) heheheeh...

Friday, October 15, 2010

Idiots in Life

I've heard about this movie from a lot of my friends, those who are interested in Hindi movies gave 10 stars out of 10, and those who are not such a fanatic fan of Hindi movies even gave the same rating! My friend, a guy who in a million years will not reveal any emotions when watching movies said that he cried and the whole class cheered at him!

So I wondered, what is this havoc about this movie?

I've always love to watch Hindi movies. No apparent reason, really. Since I was a little girl, I used to watch all those old movies, and eventually I get to know about Shah Rukh Khan and all.

Well, back to the movie.

3 Idiots is the best movie ever so far. It is about friendship, family and life learning experiences. And I cried during the movie! It was super hilarious with stripes of agony and despair. It's beautiful!

I enjoyed the comedy and the drama in the movie, the friendship and the sacrifice shown is hard to achieve.

It's about life.

Could everyone in life be racing to be the best? And what happens to you if you're number 2? Is it so wrong to sometimes be unable to come in first?

Anyway, I would recommend everyone to watch this movie. Yes, sometimes you turn your back on someone to be on the safe side, but are you sure you're not jumping into a dragon's lair after escaping from a tiger's cage? It's up to you to decide =)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Let's Dance

Yesterday while having lunch with Syazz, Pink pm-ed me and asked me if I would be interested to watch a movie with her later that evening. Since we had no classes, I agreed. Syazz wanted to come along as well, but she was worried if we could not get back by time as she has some errands to run that evening. So I met Pink at Petronas P9 and off we went to Midvalley.

Who knew that finding a parking on a weekday at midvalley would be next to impossible. However, we were lucky to get one very near to the lift. We decided to watch the 5.30 movie instead of the 3pm one as the movie was in 3D, and we would want good seats to watch it comfortably.

So after a few hours of window shopping + arcade + one scoop of Baskin Robbin's, we stepped into the cinema.

I have always love music and dancing. I used to perform during my school years, yet it has now included in the long list of things that I no longer do. I used to turn on the stereo and just dance in front of the huge hanging mirror in my living room, besides singing on top of my lungs in my room *cough*shower*cough*.

Step up - a movie of music, dance, drama and life.

The choreography in this movie is marvelous! And the main actor and actress are owh so effin' hot! Hahahah.

There are some parts in the movie where I find interesting and touching, and some just made me want to get up and dance again. It was a film that I would want to watch again, be it to waste time or just for relaxation. It was light, yet it has its own message to take back.

People expresses themselves in different ways. Some in bright colors, some in weird clothing, some by influencing other people, some by performing and some by helping out. Each and every individual is special, they are important in a community, no one is insignificant. Even the people we meet along the way in life, though only for a few seconds could bring impact to our lives. We might not realize it immediately, but there will come a day in life when we will be thankful for every single life experience that we've been through and we will be able to look back with pride.

What I learn from this movie is that friends and family are those who will either be on your side supporting you, or try to get you to their side and make you a better person. They will not just follow your orders blindly and sometimes might not agree with everything you do. They will tell you where you went wrong and what you should do, and sometimes they know you better than yourself. They will always see the potential in you, and the best that you may be, and they will give you the courage and motivation to be your best at all costs.

Now, dancing anyone?

Forgive Me

I'm lying in bed, tossing and turning trying to get some sleep. But my eyes fail me each time and I'm back to square one again. I tried counting sheep, I tried listening to music, I tried looking for people who might still be online at this very hour. Past 3am, guess not. Most of us either have class, or work, or anything at all tomorrow morning. But since the final year students are having the grand finale exam and we are not allowed to enter the wards, my days are practically holidays. Watched a movie with dearest Pink earlier today in Midvalley and tried to complete my case write up without any signs of success. Sigh.

So here I am, blogging.

Why can't I sleep?

Maybe cause of the unsettling feeling deep inside, that gives me the adrenaline rush and preventing my eyes from shutting down. Its not like I can't find another method to fall asleep, but I don't have access to it at this time at night. And my sore eye is still sore, so yea.

Why do we hurt the most the ones we love the most? Could it be because of the feeling of security to be just anyone and to bluntly say out your feelings, gives you every right to hurt that one person who cared for you the most?

I'm sorry.

Sometimes the people we love are the ones most difficult to be loved.

I find it very subjective, talking about feelings. I once asked a friend, if it is wrong to have a change it heart. He told me that what changes is lust, which is when you would want to opt for something better. But it takes much more to have a change of heart, as the heart has no eyes and cannot see. You may say I'm wronged for every single reason in the world, but why can't you say it to me?

There are people who don't have to choose. Would I want to choose to be a part of those people, and live life smoothly without a single bump? Or would I want to be adventurous and explore the possibilities of life.

I'm lucky, I've seen places in the world, known people from across the globe. The world revolves around much more things than stupid fights and arguments and heartbreaks. There's a world waiting to be explored, people waiting to be known, placed ready to be explored. Why bother about the things in life that will eventually pass you by?

What shapes you tomorrow is every single deed you do today.

I love you, always have, always will.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I Miss You

Don't you know that? Can't you feel it?
Tears alone can't comprehend this feeling inside
It struggles to find a way out
And my battle against it fails each time

Some people don't have to choose
Some do

I really need you here...

Friday, October 8, 2010

Tun Mahathir The Musical

Being a fan of musicals, I asked *cough*forced*cough* my dear Syazz to accompany me to the latest musical that is now showing in our prestigious Istana Budaya. It has been a while since Uda dan Dara that I've watched a musical, and I had heard rumors about this musical long before it was played.

Tun Mahathir The Musical

Overall, the musical for me was entertaining though a bit draggy. Sure it can't beat Puteri Gunung Ledang the musical though.

This musical started with the birth of Tun M, portrayed how he was a good boy and never skipped any of his mengaji classes though he is coaxed by his best friends, how he worked so hard to get money, and studied hard too.

Then came the scene when he first met Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah. According to Tun Siti Hasmah, the love scene were all just stories, but we will never know if it is the real love story between them :) It was sweet, and in that scene it showed how lucky Tun M was to be able to capture the heart of the only Malay girl in the campus!

The political scene was extremely draggy, and being someone not so interested in politics, that scene really bore me. The ending sorta concluded that Malays are unreliable and can't change their mentality. Sigh. It's a bad impression on Malays, and I don't think I stand alone on that thought.

Anyways, after the theater had ended, we went to NZ Gardens for supper. I was super hungry as I was fasting during the day and had nothing but a piece of bun. We planned on eating at the cafe but there was a heavy traffic jam and the rain made it worst. Nevertheless, we managed to get there in time =)

I think we should think of better ideas for musicals. Take Puteri Gunung Ledang the musical for instance, a legend brought to life on stage, the story was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L

Oh, I'm looking forward for Natrah in December =)

The beautiful surprise was, I met Eda!! It has been years since I met her! You look hot babe!!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

How to Treat a Girl

Many times I've been asked by guys about how to treat a girl. Some of them asked for advices on gifts, how to surprise their girl, how to coax their girl and so on. I know that for boys, girls are the most complicated creature ever, yet to leave without them, means not living at all. And hey, that's vice versa. No girl would not want to feel the love coming from a boy, to be ignored by them and be treated invincible.

To me, we girls are not complicated - though sometimes we do not even understand ourselves. Oh, blame the hormones running through our veins for that! Mood instability is a common symptom for girls, especially at *that part of the month*. Some girls handle it better than other, some just might throw tantrums to you!

My answer to this question is simple. I would want to be treated like a princess. Haha. You know how my being a princess has always been a fairy-tale-I-don't-wanna-wake-up dream is. And no, I don't want to be those snobbish princess, those who give out orders simply and demands this and that. No. Not that type of a princess.

I want to be the princess in my prince's heart. Someone special, who would look up to me, forgive my mistakes, tell me when I'm wrong, make me feel safe and protected.

So, here's a simple checklist for all the guys out there. These might not work 100% and the results vary from individuals. But all in all, every girl has a dream of becoming a princess, and girls will always be girls. So spend some time to capture their hearts, and they'll love you for eternity.
  • Surprise her with gifts, but not too often and not too pricey! You'll end up makiing them spoilt and demanding instead
  • Tell her she's pretty, even when she just woke up, and mean it!
  • Tell her how special she is to you. Trust me, she wants to know it!
  • Try not to raise your voice when you're mad, send your message in a tone that is more demure and to her level of sensitiveness
  • Wipe her tears away
  • Make her feel safe and secure
  • Make her laugh
  • Surprise her with visits and special occasions
  • Admit when you're wrong
  • Know when to tell her that she made a mistake, with the right tone and gesture
  • Show her how special she is to you
  • Give her as much attention as you can, even if it is not all your attention
  • Listen when she needs to talk or just babble
  • Look into her eyes and tell her you love her
Now that's just one part of the checklist. There's more to it, but I'll let you guys improvise. Girls will always be girls. They might look all toughen up on the outside, yet inside their hearts are soft and fragile.

And to all ladies out there, sometimes we do make mistakes, and we have to admit that. So when our man tells you that you've done something wrong, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore, it just means he wants you to be better. No one is perfect, and no one will ever be. Listen to them, as they are the one person *apart from your family* that will love you no matter what you've done. Because they do.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Not An Angel

I'm not an angel, I'm not perfect, I will not and never be. If I am, why do I hurt people who loves me so much? Why do I get confused and act selfish?

A friend once told me, I can't make everyone happy.

But I want to make people happy. I love to see the people around me smile. But by doing that, sometimes it steals away my smile. I do not consider myself sacrificing. To sacrifice is bigger than that. People hurt themselves protecting the people they love, but would I do the same? Or would I just hurt them for my own benefit and pleasure?

I do feel guilty, there's a voice inside my head saying that I should not do this, should not say that. But my heart wants what the heart wants, and sometimes it's hard to decide.

Regardless, I'll try my best not to tarnish my family's name. My parents worked hard to be where they are right now, and I know it only takes a split second to take that away. I will try not to be the girl who follows her emotions, but a girl who thinks before she leaps, and considers before making decisions.

I'm not an angel, not pure, not stainless, not perfect. I'm just me.

Today I had a trip down the memory lane. I wonder what life would have been if I did not take that step that day. But I did, and I never regretted what I did, as though it ended, those were happy moments in my life. Thank you for being there for me, loving me.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Of Starting a New Life

Last month, I went to my first classmate's wedding. It was an exciting event, and many of my ex-schoolmates came. Usually, we have hardly 20 people during reunions, but this time, a little over 50 came to give support and share the happy day with the lovely couple.

Nisa was a new student who came into our school after PMR. She came into my class, and no, we did not became instant friends. I had nothing against her, I was just overwhelmed with all my activities at school and had less time to mingle with the new comers in our batch.

Eventually we got close, sang songs during preparation class together, share silly jokes and fool around together =) I shared my secrets, she shared hers.

After school, we went our separate ways, yet we tried to find time to update each other and keep track of our lives.

But life events came in the way, and we got separated. It's difficult to get in touch with friends, moreover when both of us are in medical school. We got drifted apart, and I lost track of her. She was away in Alexandra University, Egypt. Time difference makes it difficult for us even to chat online with each other.

When I received the wedding invitation via facebook, I was elated! I knew about Fahd as she has told me about him during our online chats before. I was on top of the moon, as it was my first classmate's wedding! All of us were excited!

The night before the ceremony, I almost forgot all about it. Since I don't have internet at home, I was outdated. Thank goodness Eri texted me, and we went to her house together.

Nisa was stunningly beautiful, like an angel from heaven. I was mesmerized when I look at her. She was no longer the little girl I knew back in 4 Usaha, but a matured woman about to start a new life.

I was in mixed emotions, happy and sad.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. May your marriage be blessed forever, and may Allah shower upon you everything you dream of. Your fairy tale has just started, and I pray it will last till you breathe your last breath on Earth.
I will always be here, as a friend you can share everything with, a shoulder to cry on and to support you in everything that you do.
You've made an excellent first step, the wedding was wonderful. And I believe that every step you take in the future will always be blessed.
I love you Nisa, and I pray for all your happiness, and for our friendship to last till eternity.

Ps: Fahd, you take care of darling Nisa, love her with all your heart, and make her the happiest woman on Earth, and with that, I believe you have nothing in the world you would wish for.

pss: I think it is advisable to do our reunions during weddings. So, who's next?