Monday, January 25, 2010

Can't smile without you

The song in my head right now...

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who would have believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find
Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

Okay, let's get some study =)

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A simple letter

Dear grandfather,

As I write this, I'm at the house you used to live in, here in Melaka. Well, I'm not really sure if you'd recognize it if you see it now. Much has changed, even the front part that used to be wood is now bricks. I think they changed it, as wood is very hard to maintain, but I still miss the old house, the place where I used to play when I was a kid. The whole house has been turned into bricks, there are no longer the super duper tall steps to take as we arrive, nor the wide opening to the cemented kitchen. But it's still home.

Grandpa, I know I never met you before, but right now I really miss you. I never had the honour of knowing you, but daddy's stories about you seems so vivid that I think that I know you. I can laugh and cry and recall each story that has been told by daddy to us. Those stories were our bedtime stories when we were younger, and something to tell our friends about now. It feels like you never fully left us. I believe that if you were still here, you would have taught me a lot and scold me a lot too, for I was a very stubborn little girl. Maybe you too, would kiss me on my cheeks and forehead each time I arrive at the doorstep. Maybe, just maybe.

I wish I could have known you. Daddy said you had the dream of building a hospital, and that's why he became a doctor. I think that is also the reason why he insisted on kakak and me becoming doctors too. I hope that if you see me now, you would be proud and be able to held your head up high, seeing who I am now. I know I am just a medical student right now, but just wait. One day I'll become a doctor and I will continue your dreams, God willing. There hasn't been a single day that daddy does not remember you. He once told us that he remembers how you smell and we laughed together. I wished I could have that memory too, at least a feel of touching your hand or feeling you holding me tight.

Mummy said she only met you a few times, and that you were so sweet. I really wished I could have known you before. But I believe god loves you more, and that you are in a better place right now. I am sorry for sometimes I forget to pray for you, and sometimes I forget about you. I've never met you, but I want to love you. I hope if you see me now, you'll love me too.

Grandpa, I can see that nenek is happy when we are around her. I always miss being here too, as i really get pampered. But I will never be able to understand the sorrow that she keeps deep down in her heart. Somehow I know she misses you dearly, but she is unable to tell anyone or express it. The only cure is by seeing her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren grow up becoming successful people and loving her in return. I can never be as strong as her. She's a wonder woman I look up to. Simply amazing in her own ways.

I remember when moyang passed away in 2001, we were all shocked to receive the news. I cried all the way from Rawang. I was close to her and I always liked the way she holds me when I cry after being bullied by Kak Ani and Abg My. I miss her dearly too, and a lot has changed since then, here, in this house. That was the first time I ever lost a family member who is really close to me. Sometimes I am too complaisant being who I am now that I forget to appreciate people who are around me. For that, I am truly sorry.

Daddy has always taught us, no matter where we are, who we meet or who we become in the future, family is always the bond that we will need to maintain and treasure. Not everyone will be there for us in the time of need, but we have to be there for our family. He said you taught him that, and God willing, I will pass it on.

Grandpa, I miss you.


your granddaughter.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Cute devils

I'm in Melaka right now, but not in Terendak. I'm at my dad's hometown in Bertam Malim. It's been some time since I came, last week I dropped by, but just for a couple of hours. I just love being here, especially when my cousin's children are home, they are just sooooooo adorable. But they can be devilicious too!

Nana jr: Aunty Nana, if you but us chocolates, you have to buy for all of us! If not, we will fight and cry.

Sigh. I asked them if they wanted to come with me to seven eleven to grab some stuff, and all three of them wanted to come!!!!

Me: Hey, Aunty Nana's going for a trip tomorrow.

Acip: Trip????? YES!!!!!!

Haha, now, I am NOT bringing them to A Famosa wetlands. I'll die of tiredness chasing them around!!!!!

Huda: I want to ride the big bike! Aunty Nana, let's go home.

Me: No dear, I'm sleeping here, you can come and play tomorrow.

Huda: NO!!!! COME WITH ME!!!!!

Haha. Huda's the youngest of all three. She can understand our words well, but it takes time to understand what she was saying.

Now they're back in their house which is in another housing area, leaving me free for the night. But their mother said that they will be coming tomorrow as she has to go to work.

Now, how am I to escape to go to A Famosa???? LOLzz..

But anyway, I love them. Being with them makes me... ME. The honesty when they kiss my cheeks and the concern when they cannot find me anywhere in sight is just simply adorable!!!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Get well soon~


Chia & Zubair.....

Get well soon.. We miss you in the wards. And we have futsal tonight!!!!! You guys have to be there!! You've already missed a session of free karaoke last night, and definitely you do not want to miss anything anymore. *Hahaha.. my evil laugh*

p/s: do take your medications
p/s,p/s: please keep away, I haven't get it yet =P
p/s,p/s,p/s: Zubair, the picture of your admission card cannot be transferred from Era's BB lah. Later when can I'll put it in okay =)

Oh, for those who do not know yet, Zubair and Chia are room mates here in Terendak, thus, when Chia was infected with chicken pox, he passed it to his lovable room mate, and they ended up in the ward together two days ago (19/01/10). Now they are Syaz and Farid's patient. Do get well soon, it seems so lonely *maybe* =P ..


Zubair is discharged today (21/01/10) after spending 2 nights in the hospital, leaving poor little Chia all alone. But he's in the VVIP room anyway, so, it doesn't really matter. Maybe his room here is more comfortable than the room back at the chalet. *ngeh* If you're not out yet by next week maybe you can be our patient for BST with Prof. Rashid *winks*

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

It's just a state of mind

I'm just an ordinary girl, trying to figure out what's the right thing to do in life. No, it's not easy. Sometimes you make decisions that you regret, yet you still have to move on. It's not just a mistake on a piece of paper that could be wiped away with an eraser, leaving the mess unnoticed.

I've met a lot of people in my life, yet I find it hard to put my trust in them anymore. More, I find it hard to trust myself, my instincts, my judgments. I find my mind cheating me each time when I start to put my trust in people.

Sincerity is a non-issue that should never be discussed by anyone. How would you know if someone is sincere towards you or not? Don't you dare to point out that issue, just because you seem better than other people, just because people like you more. Basically, do not do onto other what you do not want others to do onto you.

Everyone has sins, I have sinned before, and I will definitely sin again. I am not perfect, neither are you. What makes you so superior, or so you think? Just because you're accepted in the community you are in right now, does not mean you will always be accepted. It means nothing.

I may be strong on the surface, but not all the way through. I have done mistakes, and so have you.

Please stop judging others, you do not have the right.

Maybe it's my lesson, my turn to learn that people are not really what they seem on the outside, to know who people really are.

But what do I care about people's perception. They can say anything they want, turn the whole world away from me, but they will never be in my shoes. And I believe that one day, I will find others who will really understand.

It's just a state of mind. Positive thinking will always be good, negative will always get you back in the end. Why should I be thinking about things that hurt when I don't have to? I have to stop myself.

Again - I am NOT perfect. So do note expect me to forgive, as if nothing has happened. Don't expect me to be the same old me I was before. But surely, I can act as if nothing has happened, well, others can, sure I can too. I can try to close the gap. But don't expect me to take the step all the way. I'm not that pure.

I miss the good old days, but it may not be worth it.~

Sunday, January 17, 2010

It's called Lonely

I was going through my things when I stumbled upon a book that has always been there. And suddenly I realize how much I've changed. Maybe my friends were right, I am no longer the person they once knew. So what? People change all the time.

People judge all the time, maybe it's the time to love.

There are some things I wish to change, some things I wish I never have done, but it's never gonna be that way.

Listen, I'm just being who I am. Sorry.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Just like the sky

You're predictable, and it's kinda cute when you think you are not. *random*

Look up! The sky so blue, decorated with clouds in various shapes and sizes. Look closer. It's actually a story, books with pictures. You can read it, try to enjoy it. Or just ignore it, and not appreciate it's words. It could be the words to your soul too. Maybe it's just like you, trying to hide your story behind the abstract shapes and colours of your soul, but shines right through your eyes.

Sometimes you may think that people do not know who you are, that you are in your own shell. You build a wall around you to not let yourself get hurt, to avoid from being judge and to keep yourself in control.

The when you open up, you get scared. You worry about what will happen if the wall breaks and fall apart. What will happen if you let people in to view your world and the world in your point of view.

That is when you will know the beauty of love...

Love comes with a thousand sufferings and one pleasure, but why do people still fight for that one pleasure rather than to give up to the thousand sufferings? I wish I had the answer...

Being egoistic is not really something that will let you in easily in the end, cause it will only break you more into pieces when you know the reason is gone....

Getting really tired lately. *yawn*

Things That Matter Most

Ever been a workaholic? Or seen one? Ever been a diligent student who only thinks of the next thing in the textbook? Or the bookworm who does not even care about what's happening around them? Ever been the nerd in class who only gets attention from the teachers, isolated from the normal crowd? Ever felt like you're disconnected from the real world, being brought to a dimension where no one and nothing else matters, and what's left to take care of is only yourself.

Then one day you wake up and realize that it is too late to do things you were suppose to do, say things you were supposed to say. Sometimes, an incident could be life-changing, it could influence your view to the world.

Anyway, Happy New Year 2010 to all!! =) I know I know.. It's a bit late for the wish, but, whatever. Haha.

Now it's time to reveal my New Year resolution:


Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe I'll just go with the flow, enjoy every second that passes by.

It's already my last week in Putrajaya Hospital for Internal Medicine. Next week I'll be going to Terendak for another 3 weeks before My final exam for this block. We're having mid-postings this week, I suppose. Had a new student to join us in the class. He's a final year medical student from UCD. So smart. When we told him how we were mesmerized by him, being able to answer all the questions, he simply said that one day we'll get there and we will be able to answer just like him. Hope so..... Fingers crossed!!!