Cotton Candy~

Feel it's taste where it suddenly disappears as you close your mouth, tasting only it's sweetness with nothing else left. Confused, elated, you take another bite. Having the same experience. Disappearing, melting in your mouth with the only thing left is the sweetness that drives you to take the next bite.

How cotton candies could be so special, bringing smiles to little children faces and brings warmth to your heart. But it disappears, just as fast as you feel the excitation of the taste. Do you remember the last time you felt something so strong and the next thing you know it is gone? What's left is just a glimpse of what that had been there, a slight taste that would also fade as the seconds pass you by, and you wonder to yourself, was it really there? Is it just your mind playing tricks on your heart, or your heart just longing for something too much, making it appear as if it was really there.

I wish things were the same, as it has always been. I wish you have never left.

It's almost the dawn of a new year. Another year has passed by, another yet to come. What will it be this time? More tears or more laughter? Just let time tell, let the year come and go, and leave us with just memories of the past.

I have always loved to be in control, as I hate uncertainties so much. This time, I'll just let it go, and let it be...

I was in the ward round with Dr. Jazz, Dr. Keanu and Dr. Shanti, and of course Dr. Malek when suddenly he said, "Do not think that being a doctor you can be arrogant. Being arrogant is God's right. The only time you have the right to be arrogant is in war, when you are protecting your religion, your country or your family." He was definitely right. Being in the wards make me realize that not everyone is as fortunate as to know what will happen to them in a few years time if they do not control what they take and what they do. Some just happens to end up in a comatose state, others whining without being able to address the matter as we cannot understand them at all. It's heartbreaking.

All I can say is, if you or your parents or anyone you know has hypertension or diabetes or both, please please please get doctor's advice. Yes, we all have a certain life span, but why not living it in a healthy way? People die eventually, but would you want your last memories about someone you love be only pain and sorrow. And to everyone, please control what you eat and what you do! You are what you eat!!!!

So, what's my resolution for 2010???? Yet to come... Haha..

I had a loooooong day today. Classes with Dr. Shu and Dr. Rafizi on ECG followed by BST with Dr. Zul. Yes, it was definitely tiring, yet it was a fruitful day. =)

Anyway, I'll be lonely this week as Kakak is in Terendak =(

ADIKKKKK!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! You got 8A's!!! Everyone's super proud. I told you to prove yourself, and you did. Well, now it's the time to take the next step and never look back. At least now no one will compare you with her. Love you lil sys!

My favourite time of year

Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! Haha.. I don't really celebrate Christmas as in really celebrate it, but somehow, it is my favourite time of the year. With all the holidays and free Fridays, how could it not be?

I just love the carols and Christmas songs. They really take be back to a time when nothing matters, just what was there and then. I miss being a school kid, I miss being a child, the feeling of innocence and all that is left to do is play, play, play. I spent most of my childhood years in the UK, and I can still remember sleeping early on Christmas Eve, waking up to see our stockings filled with gifts. White Christmas was the best! We would spend hours playing with snow until our hands turn numb and we can't stop smiling as our faces has been frozen! And mummy will call us back to the house to have some hot chocolate. What easy life was then.

All I want for Christmas is you...~ Lalala.. This is aside from Jingle Bells and Silent Night, my favourite-mature-Christmas song.

My weekend is basically fully booked anyway...
1. Movies
2. Karaoke?? But no one's here :(
3. Kenduri in Seremban? Still not sure if I am going or not
4. Case write ups
5. A whole day of class with Dr. Rafizi, Dr. Shuhaila & Dr. Zul.

I have seen Iqah yet, haven't call her yet. Haih. But it's already pass 10 and she is still in recovery, maybe I'll call her tomorrow. I'm sorry honey. But I will always be praying for you!! Get well soon and I'll bring you around, okay dear?

Tomorrow PMR result will be out. Good luck Adik! You've done you're best, all you have to do now is just pray hard, really hard! I love you!

Oh. Oh. I've also treated myself to Leona Lewis's latest album - Echo. The songs were amazing! I listen to it every time I'm in the car! To the hospital, back from hospital... It made my day.

Today we had CCP for the first time as the medical group, I am quite relieved and happy to be the first group. I think the presentation was ok, and the co-operation given by the group was just marvelous! Tomorrow we'll be having BST and classes till late evening before we are allowed to enjoy our loooooooong weekend. I want to go to Pavilion, they say the decorations are charming!

Kakak's in love.. Lalala.. Hahahah... *random*

I want to go to India!! Mama's going there for Pretty's wedding during CNY. Can I go? Please please please.. Pretty please.. With cherries and chocolates on top! =)

Doesn't Mean Anything

This beautiful city seems empty
All the people in the world and you still feel lonely
What's the point of having it all without the person you love?
Sometimes you just need to start again
In order to fly..

Some Things Happen

It's been one week since I came back from Dubai and I am still having my jet lag. Maybe because I don't have much time to rest as the new block has commenced and I feel really new to all this. I'll be staying in Putrajaya Hospital, which is to my relief. I really wanted to stay since most of my best friends are back here and Iqah is undergoing a surgery again, so I feel obliged to stay. I WANT to stay, and thank you God for granting my wish and answering my prayers.

First week in Internal Medicine was really fun. But I still cannot see the trend in the disease and I sometimes feel blur and do not know what to do. Sometimes I feel blur when the patient comes with certain complains, not knowing what to ask. Thank goodness I have friends who help me in my history taking, thus I hope I will be better. I haven't done any physical examination yet, maybe next week. Since most of my patient needs full physical examination from head to toe, seems like I'll be spending the weekend reading Hutchison's. Haha.

Anyways, I did something very fruitful yesterday. People who know me will know that I am not really lil-miss-tidy. My things are everywhere. So last night, I spent 4 hours (Yes, FOUR!!!) from 8 - 12 midnight cleaning and rearranging my room. Since I have not unpack yet from my trip to Dubai, it was really something that I had to do. My study desk is in a mess, my surgery notes have not been put into the right place yet and my medical books are everywhere I could hardly see my table, what more to even have space to work on it.

Tidying up the table did not take much time, after putting everything into a box, my perfumes arranged (I just got myself YSL Parisienne!! *j'adore*) , my surgery books put away and my medical books stacked on the desk, it was time to clear my closet.

Honestly, I just realize that I have A LOT of clothes that it took me nearly 3 hours to re-arrange them and place them in order. Since I had nothing much to do, I went through everything, arranging them according to type ie. formal, dresses, traditional wear, home wear etc. A friend inspired me through her blog when she arranged all the stuff according to colour, and that was exactly what I did!! I also got rid of all the other stuff that I just know I will never wear, my clothes since my first year in medical school and other t-shirts which just look like it could just be thrown away.

After hours of arranging, re-folding everything, ironing and everything, I finally got everything in order. And even after putting everything that I know I would not use aside, I had 2 full plastic bags of unwanted clothes, I still end up myself with A LOT of outfits! I have 27 dresses!! Honest! I did not know I had that much. This does not include those which are yet to be washed and which are already at the dry cleaning.

I am so getting myself a walk in closet when I have my own house someday. I honestly do not know how my closet here will be able to survive though I really hope it will. This really gives me no reason to go shopping for at least a few months. (can I really stand it?) Well, I am not really a shopaholic, it's just when I've got my eyes on something, I must have it, if not I will end up buying nothing at all.

Well, after all that, I made myself a bowl of maggie and enjoyed a Hindi movie on youtube. Haha.

With all the new space I have created I am really glad I spent the time doing it.


Today's holiday, so it's a really long weekend. I went to Damansara to run some errands and prepare some stuff. I still have a list of to-watch-movies. Maybe I'll start tomorrow =)

Yes, I had a tough week, but I managed to made it through and it has definitely made me stronger. I learn a lot, the hard way. And though it hurts, I believe things will always be better in the end and things will be forgotten in the end. People go through hardships all the time, and what I am going through right now is nothing.

My current mood - Footprints in the sand by Leona Lewis

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way

And just when I
I thought I'd lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair

And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
Cause I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

[choir]

When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend

I promise you
I'm always there
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints
In the sand

Doubts.

I've been having doubts about a lot of things lately, unable to determine if I am doing the right thing or not. That's just the beginning to the not-so-interesting chapter of whether to do things or not, leave it or not, say it or not... and the list goes on and on.

How can notebooks be sold out????? Urgh!!!! I only have my eyes set on that one, and that one only! Yes, no exchange to another will do. And yes, I am VERY picky in this!

Tomorrow we'll be having our VERY-short-answer-question test/quiz. It's only going to be the fourth day in Internal Medicine and we already have a test! Well, it is very vast and 8 weeks is never going to be enough.

Seriously considering to go and visit Sara. Maybe I need that pause after all this while.

It's going to be a long weekend. I can't wait. Since I'll be staying in PJH for the next one month, I have to make plans according to that. Iqah is going to be operated again next week, thinking of clearing my schedule to visit her. I really hope that she heals fast and be able to do some crazy stuff with us!

Had a really great time tonight. Thank you!~

Jet lag's wearing off. That's good, isn't it?

Just.

Yet, another sleepless night. I tried my best, tossing and turning in my bed, but nothing helps. Maybe the stress of today makes it worst. I don't know. I'm just tired of the mind games that are endless, that strangulate and leave you suffocating with no tint of mercy.

Games have to stop eventually, and honestly, I don't care about winning or losing, because I'm not even in it. I just don't care.

Was browsing some facebook profiles and found the sweetest video dedicated from a bestfriend to her bestfriend on her 22nd birthday. What touched me the most was the words put together, might not be long and elaborate, but it was perfect.

I kinda remember a wall post from my bestfriend..

We might lead different lives, being too busy to entertain the people around us. But it doesn't mean that we forget. It just takes time.

Friendship to me is more than just a blooming flower, it's the sun that will shine when you are in your deepest sorrow and the fire that burns the spirit in you.

I miss my best friends.

Doing the right thing takes courage and strength. Maybe I'm just too tired for it.

I miss you. Sigh~

Lalalalala. Singing myself worked last night. Will it work tonight??

Night..

The sun sets leaving the sky dark without a single star. The moon is too shy to shine, hiding behind the clouds. It's getting late.

Tik Tok.. Tik Tok.. Tik.. Tok..

Time passes by, as I stare at the ceiling, wishing that the darkness would somehow consume me, let me sleep in my own lullaby created for my own pleasure. A tune that only I would know, and I would close my eyes to. But the clock is still ticking and I am still awake, not being able to drift into even a moment of comfort.

Sigh.

Will Romeo be forever with his Juliet? Or will he just die in vain?

"Even if you're not meant to be mine, I'll be watching over you, guide you silently, not too near, not too far, I'll just be there"

"And catch me if I ever fall?"

"Yes."

"It means the world to me"

In the mood for movies and novels, but I don't have any idea on any specific one yet. Maybe it'll help me get to sleep, perhaps? But the lights in the room has been switched off, my bed has been made. Maybe a bowl of maggie *winks* Haha. No midnight snacks!!! Hushh.. Haha

Owh, really random, I am, am I?

Anyway, tomorrow is the first day of Internal Medicine. I hope it's gonna be smooth. I do not wish in falling asleep in classes, ward rounds or as such. Should be able to get a grip by tomorrow I hope :)

I can still hear Luqman's voice singing Fireflies. I miss you!

Googling? Haha. Is there even such a word? Perhaps it should be Google-ing. Yea, sounds the same anyway.

Adorable how kids could be, they just take you out from your current reality and let you be in their zone, where everything is simple. Last night there was a really cute little girl on board. Sara. What a coincidence. In all pink and Hello-Kitty theme, about.. 3-4 years old. Now I really miss Sara Aqeela.

Lalalalala.... Maybe I should try singing myself to sleep. Starting... Now!

*Good Luck*

Life.. Choices.. Lessons..

They say life is all about choices. You choose what your next step is, and then you work the equation of your own life. But once you've make that decision, you can never turn back to regret and re-do the decision. Opening back our eyes we realize that what you have decided will be the reason you are simply just the person you are today.

I made choices, regretted some. But life goes on. It is harsh, thinking all the possibilities that could have come together with just another taught.

Are we doing this just because we are comfortable with what to choose? Allowing ourselves be judged by our own selves in the future. Tears don't matter.

Lesson:

1. Today might seem the wrong day, but it may be the right time
2. Taste the rain
3. Random is another new subject in life
4. Follow the flow sometimes doesn't work, streams sometimes do not end in the ocean
5. Have a stand? Stick to it!
6. Regret? Life is only once, but please smile

Okay, I'm in such a random mood. Ignore me peeps. I'm still so homesick! Urgh!

I just wanna be..~

I've heard this song a few times on my way to the hospital. It does give a significant meaning to what I am currently feeling right now. Life is so unpredictable. I just wanna be... Happy.~

Tomorrow's my written paper for Surgery. Wish me luck peeps!~

xoxo