Saturday, May 30, 2009


Live as you never have before. No one knows what happens next

Thursday, May 28, 2009

How your life can turn upside down..

You may think you live a perfect life. Perfect family, perfect friends, perfect everything. But still you think you have not got enough. There will be always something you wish you have, somewhere you wish you were at, someone you wish to meet. Or maybe, you will just be content with what you have, not preparing for the worst that might happen to you. You sorta think your life is complete. But you never know what will happen next.

That is what's happening to me right now. Well, not totally. I have always complained of headache which I have always thought to be some migrain or the worst tension headache due to the amount of work and things I have to study. Having being a medical student does not really help you to make yourself better as you will always think that there is nothing to worry about. At least that was what I thought. Some of my friends were very concern, but I did not really bother and just live my life as nothing had happened.

When my sister found out, she freaked out and forced me to see a doctor. My provisional diagnosis was an infected cyst, since the lump had recently start to ache a bit everyday. I was not so worried still, and was being asked to go to the ENT clinic for further investigations. Mummy asked m to go to Singapore instead, and asked my uncle to do a CT Scan and fine needle aspiration cytology (FNAC) on me. The CT Scan revealed nothing, just the parotid gland being enlarged and nothing sinister. Pak Lang did the FNAC on me. It hurt so bad :( .. Mak Lang said if she was there she would give me local anaesthesia :) .. Pak Lang had to prick me twice! Though it was not as bad as when the contrast for the CT Scan was injected in me ( I thought I was going to have an anaphylactic reaction ), but it still did hurt. Not when the pricking was done, but more about when the cells and blood were drawn out.

Lucky me I get another day to stay here in Singapore. After the nice dinner at Suhaila and Suraya's school, I went to Shafik's school to pick him up, and today I went to Shahira's school. Fun. Yea. Indeed. I also had fun teasing the two cats, Sandra and Oreo. LOL :P

The results for the FNAC finally came. It's confirm that I have pleomorphic adenoma. Ok, figures. Guess I will just get it removed after my professional exams. Sigh. Hope everything will turn out fine.

I'm going back tomorrow. Really dunno how I feel. Well, it's a relief it's just a benign lesion, but still, anything benign could transform right? And I also feel sad that I'm leaving, since the kids had to go to school, so I did not spent much time with them at home. I want to do the surgery here, I mean at Puteri Specialist, got another reason to come down. *winks*

Anyway, just wish me luck! Gonna miss my days here...

Life may not be as easy and as perfect as we want them to be. Seeing someone laughing and being ever so bubbly does not mean that he or she does not have any problems or is really-really happy. Sometimes people just like to hide what they feel behind the smiles and laughter. It's difficult to share how you feel when you do not want anyone to feel sorry for you or treat you as if you are some kind of handicapped or something of that kind. It hurts to see other people looking at you with those so-called-caring-eyes. All you ever hoped for is just a normal life. You do not want people to feel sorry for you, you just want them to treat you normally, like you are not having trouble, being perfectly healthy. But they mean well. They always do. Even so, they will never understand what you are feeling, not the slightest bit of it.