Cotton Candy~

Feel it's taste where it suddenly disappears as you close your mouth, tasting only it's sweetness with nothing else left. Confused, elated, you take another bite. Having the same experience. Disappearing, melting in your mouth with the only thing left is the sweetness that drives you to take the next bite.

How cotton candies could be so special, bringing smiles to little children faces and brings warmth to your heart. But it disappears, just as fast as you feel the excitation of the taste. Do you remember the last time you felt something so strong and the next thing you know it is gone? What's left is just a glimpse of what that had been there, a slight taste that would also fade as the seconds pass you by, and you wonder to yourself, was it really there? Is it just your mind playing tricks on your heart, or your heart just longing for something too much, making it appear as if it was really there.

I wish things were the same, as it has always been. I wish you have never left.

It's almost the dawn of a new year. Another year has passed by, another yet to come. What will it be this time? More tears or more laughter? Just let time tell, let the year come and go, and leave us with just memories of the past.

I have always loved to be in control, as I hate uncertainties so much. This time, I'll just let it go, and let it be...

I was in the ward round with Dr. Jazz, Dr. Keanu and Dr. Shanti, and of course Dr. Malek when suddenly he said, "Do not think that being a doctor you can be arrogant. Being arrogant is God's right. The only time you have the right to be arrogant is in war, when you are protecting your religion, your country or your family." He was definitely right. Being in the wards make me realize that not everyone is as fortunate as to know what will happen to them in a few years time if they do not control what they take and what they do. Some just happens to end up in a comatose state, others whining without being able to address the matter as we cannot understand them at all. It's heartbreaking.

All I can say is, if you or your parents or anyone you know has hypertension or diabetes or both, please please please get doctor's advice. Yes, we all have a certain life span, but why not living it in a healthy way? People die eventually, but would you want your last memories about someone you love be only pain and sorrow. And to everyone, please control what you eat and what you do! You are what you eat!!!!

So, what's my resolution for 2010???? Yet to come... Haha..

I had a loooooong day today. Classes with Dr. Shu and Dr. Rafizi on ECG followed by BST with Dr. Zul. Yes, it was definitely tiring, yet it was a fruitful day. =)

Anyway, I'll be lonely this week as Kakak is in Terendak =(

ADIKKKKK!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! You got 8A's!!! Everyone's super proud. I told you to prove yourself, and you did. Well, now it's the time to take the next step and never look back. At least now no one will compare you with her. Love you lil sys!

My favourite time of year

Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! Haha.. I don't really celebrate Christmas as in really celebrate it, but somehow, it is my favourite time of the year. With all the holidays and free Fridays, how could it not be?

I just love the carols and Christmas songs. They really take be back to a time when nothing matters, just what was there and then. I miss being a school kid, I miss being a child, the feeling of innocence and all that is left to do is play, play, play. I spent most of my childhood years in the UK, and I can still remember sleeping early on Christmas Eve, waking up to see our stockings filled with gifts. White Christmas was the best! We would spend hours playing with snow until our hands turn numb and we can't stop smiling as our faces has been frozen! And mummy will call us back to the house to have some hot chocolate. What easy life was then.

All I want for Christmas is you...~ Lalala.. This is aside from Jingle Bells and Silent Night, my favourite-mature-Christmas song.

My weekend is basically fully booked anyway...
1. Movies
2. Karaoke?? But no one's here :(
3. Kenduri in Seremban? Still not sure if I am going or not
4. Case write ups
5. A whole day of class with Dr. Rafizi, Dr. Shuhaila & Dr. Zul.

I have seen Iqah yet, haven't call her yet. Haih. But it's already pass 10 and she is still in recovery, maybe I'll call her tomorrow. I'm sorry honey. But I will always be praying for you!! Get well soon and I'll bring you around, okay dear?

Tomorrow PMR result will be out. Good luck Adik! You've done you're best, all you have to do now is just pray hard, really hard! I love you!

Oh. Oh. I've also treated myself to Leona Lewis's latest album - Echo. The songs were amazing! I listen to it every time I'm in the car! To the hospital, back from hospital... It made my day.

Today we had CCP for the first time as the medical group, I am quite relieved and happy to be the first group. I think the presentation was ok, and the co-operation given by the group was just marvelous! Tomorrow we'll be having BST and classes till late evening before we are allowed to enjoy our loooooooong weekend. I want to go to Pavilion, they say the decorations are charming!

Kakak's in love.. Lalala.. Hahahah... *random*

I want to go to India!! Mama's going there for Pretty's wedding during CNY. Can I go? Please please please.. Pretty please.. With cherries and chocolates on top! =)

Doesn't Mean Anything

This beautiful city seems empty
All the people in the world and you still feel lonely
What's the point of having it all without the person you love?
Sometimes you just need to start again
In order to fly..

Some Things Happen

It's been one week since I came back from Dubai and I am still having my jet lag. Maybe because I don't have much time to rest as the new block has commenced and I feel really new to all this. I'll be staying in Putrajaya Hospital, which is to my relief. I really wanted to stay since most of my best friends are back here and Iqah is undergoing a surgery again, so I feel obliged to stay. I WANT to stay, and thank you God for granting my wish and answering my prayers.

First week in Internal Medicine was really fun. But I still cannot see the trend in the disease and I sometimes feel blur and do not know what to do. Sometimes I feel blur when the patient comes with certain complains, not knowing what to ask. Thank goodness I have friends who help me in my history taking, thus I hope I will be better. I haven't done any physical examination yet, maybe next week. Since most of my patient needs full physical examination from head to toe, seems like I'll be spending the weekend reading Hutchison's. Haha.

Anyways, I did something very fruitful yesterday. People who know me will know that I am not really lil-miss-tidy. My things are everywhere. So last night, I spent 4 hours (Yes, FOUR!!!) from 8 - 12 midnight cleaning and rearranging my room. Since I have not unpack yet from my trip to Dubai, it was really something that I had to do. My study desk is in a mess, my surgery notes have not been put into the right place yet and my medical books are everywhere I could hardly see my table, what more to even have space to work on it.

Tidying up the table did not take much time, after putting everything into a box, my perfumes arranged (I just got myself YSL Parisienne!! *j'adore*) , my surgery books put away and my medical books stacked on the desk, it was time to clear my closet.

Honestly, I just realize that I have A LOT of clothes that it took me nearly 3 hours to re-arrange them and place them in order. Since I had nothing much to do, I went through everything, arranging them according to type ie. formal, dresses, traditional wear, home wear etc. A friend inspired me through her blog when she arranged all the stuff according to colour, and that was exactly what I did!! I also got rid of all the other stuff that I just know I will never wear, my clothes since my first year in medical school and other t-shirts which just look like it could just be thrown away.

After hours of arranging, re-folding everything, ironing and everything, I finally got everything in order. And even after putting everything that I know I would not use aside, I had 2 full plastic bags of unwanted clothes, I still end up myself with A LOT of outfits! I have 27 dresses!! Honest! I did not know I had that much. This does not include those which are yet to be washed and which are already at the dry cleaning.

I am so getting myself a walk in closet when I have my own house someday. I honestly do not know how my closet here will be able to survive though I really hope it will. This really gives me no reason to go shopping for at least a few months. (can I really stand it?) Well, I am not really a shopaholic, it's just when I've got my eyes on something, I must have it, if not I will end up buying nothing at all.

Well, after all that, I made myself a bowl of maggie and enjoyed a Hindi movie on youtube. Haha.

With all the new space I have created I am really glad I spent the time doing it.


Today's holiday, so it's a really long weekend. I went to Damansara to run some errands and prepare some stuff. I still have a list of to-watch-movies. Maybe I'll start tomorrow =)

Yes, I had a tough week, but I managed to made it through and it has definitely made me stronger. I learn a lot, the hard way. And though it hurts, I believe things will always be better in the end and things will be forgotten in the end. People go through hardships all the time, and what I am going through right now is nothing.

My current mood - Footprints in the sand by Leona Lewis

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way

And just when I
I thought I'd lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair

And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
Cause I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

[choir]

When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend

I promise you
I'm always there
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints
In the sand

Doubts.

I've been having doubts about a lot of things lately, unable to determine if I am doing the right thing or not. That's just the beginning to the not-so-interesting chapter of whether to do things or not, leave it or not, say it or not... and the list goes on and on.

How can notebooks be sold out????? Urgh!!!! I only have my eyes set on that one, and that one only! Yes, no exchange to another will do. And yes, I am VERY picky in this!

Tomorrow we'll be having our VERY-short-answer-question test/quiz. It's only going to be the fourth day in Internal Medicine and we already have a test! Well, it is very vast and 8 weeks is never going to be enough.

Seriously considering to go and visit Sara. Maybe I need that pause after all this while.

It's going to be a long weekend. I can't wait. Since I'll be staying in PJH for the next one month, I have to make plans according to that. Iqah is going to be operated again next week, thinking of clearing my schedule to visit her. I really hope that she heals fast and be able to do some crazy stuff with us!

Had a really great time tonight. Thank you!~

Jet lag's wearing off. That's good, isn't it?

Just.

Yet, another sleepless night. I tried my best, tossing and turning in my bed, but nothing helps. Maybe the stress of today makes it worst. I don't know. I'm just tired of the mind games that are endless, that strangulate and leave you suffocating with no tint of mercy.

Games have to stop eventually, and honestly, I don't care about winning or losing, because I'm not even in it. I just don't care.

Was browsing some facebook profiles and found the sweetest video dedicated from a bestfriend to her bestfriend on her 22nd birthday. What touched me the most was the words put together, might not be long and elaborate, but it was perfect.

I kinda remember a wall post from my bestfriend..

We might lead different lives, being too busy to entertain the people around us. But it doesn't mean that we forget. It just takes time.

Friendship to me is more than just a blooming flower, it's the sun that will shine when you are in your deepest sorrow and the fire that burns the spirit in you.

I miss my best friends.

Doing the right thing takes courage and strength. Maybe I'm just too tired for it.

I miss you. Sigh~

Lalalalala. Singing myself worked last night. Will it work tonight??

Night..

The sun sets leaving the sky dark without a single star. The moon is too shy to shine, hiding behind the clouds. It's getting late.

Tik Tok.. Tik Tok.. Tik.. Tok..

Time passes by, as I stare at the ceiling, wishing that the darkness would somehow consume me, let me sleep in my own lullaby created for my own pleasure. A tune that only I would know, and I would close my eyes to. But the clock is still ticking and I am still awake, not being able to drift into even a moment of comfort.

Sigh.

Will Romeo be forever with his Juliet? Or will he just die in vain?

"Even if you're not meant to be mine, I'll be watching over you, guide you silently, not too near, not too far, I'll just be there"

"And catch me if I ever fall?"

"Yes."

"It means the world to me"

In the mood for movies and novels, but I don't have any idea on any specific one yet. Maybe it'll help me get to sleep, perhaps? But the lights in the room has been switched off, my bed has been made. Maybe a bowl of maggie *winks* Haha. No midnight snacks!!! Hushh.. Haha

Owh, really random, I am, am I?

Anyway, tomorrow is the first day of Internal Medicine. I hope it's gonna be smooth. I do not wish in falling asleep in classes, ward rounds or as such. Should be able to get a grip by tomorrow I hope :)

I can still hear Luqman's voice singing Fireflies. I miss you!

Googling? Haha. Is there even such a word? Perhaps it should be Google-ing. Yea, sounds the same anyway.

Adorable how kids could be, they just take you out from your current reality and let you be in their zone, where everything is simple. Last night there was a really cute little girl on board. Sara. What a coincidence. In all pink and Hello-Kitty theme, about.. 3-4 years old. Now I really miss Sara Aqeela.

Lalalalala.... Maybe I should try singing myself to sleep. Starting... Now!

*Good Luck*

Life.. Choices.. Lessons..

They say life is all about choices. You choose what your next step is, and then you work the equation of your own life. But once you've make that decision, you can never turn back to regret and re-do the decision. Opening back our eyes we realize that what you have decided will be the reason you are simply just the person you are today.

I made choices, regretted some. But life goes on. It is harsh, thinking all the possibilities that could have come together with just another taught.

Are we doing this just because we are comfortable with what to choose? Allowing ourselves be judged by our own selves in the future. Tears don't matter.

Lesson:

1. Today might seem the wrong day, but it may be the right time
2. Taste the rain
3. Random is another new subject in life
4. Follow the flow sometimes doesn't work, streams sometimes do not end in the ocean
5. Have a stand? Stick to it!
6. Regret? Life is only once, but please smile

Okay, I'm in such a random mood. Ignore me peeps. I'm still so homesick! Urgh!

I just wanna be..~

I've heard this song a few times on my way to the hospital. It does give a significant meaning to what I am currently feeling right now. Life is so unpredictable. I just wanna be... Happy.~

Tomorrow's my written paper for Surgery. Wish me luck peeps!~

xoxo

Sweet 15..~

Someone turned 15 this month!!!!

Happy-happy birthday to my youngest sister - AIDA!!!

Kakak and I wanted to make her birthday this year memorable. So we bought her something that she wanted more than anything *for now*. The designer Gypsy Rose guitar is now in her hands. We had difficulty in finding it at first, not sure which music store would have it. Aida found this blog where and Australian girl got this guitar for valentine's and immediately fell in love with it.

So, now it's all hers. We are back in Kelantan for the weekend. So, it's time for prize giving!!!
Hope you'll finally get a grip and be able to play those songs adik. And don't be lazy to practice!!!!!! =P

Would you be my friend?

Sometimes life gets you and hits you hard till you feel you can never get back up. Things seem to be even more complicated today than it was yesterday, and you know for sure that it will even be more complicated when you open your eyes tomorrow.

Do you remember how it feels like on the first day you stepped into kindergarten? Wonder how you look like, if your hair is tied up in the two little pony tails you've always insist mummy making every morning, wearing your favourite dress and smiling ever so widely. Then daddy brings you to the teacher who takes your hand and leads you into a class full of strangers. Your eyes fill with water, you feel scared, not knowing what to do. You turn back and daddy's at the door, waving goodbye. Closing your eyes tightly, you hope you were still at home, where everything you know is there, a safe place. That is when someone taps on your back. When you turn, it's a girl just about your age with a same huge smile on her face. "Want to play with me?" and you smiled back.

That's how friendship started when we were kids. Just pure feelings of completeness whenever the person is around you. Not being scared of backstabbers, or people who are opportunistic and manipulative.

As we grow older, pure friendship is even harder to find. Sometimes you get friends just because you have the latest DVD or wearing the latest designs, but when you are at the lowest point of your life they will just leave you and not looking back even a glance.

But along the way of finding myself, I found true friends. Those whom I know will always be there for me, through my ups and downs, who will always be there for me in my worst moments, will look out for me even when it's risky and will be able to tell me that things are wrong and saying NO. Yes, I have definitely encounter friends who would just want to use you and not want you anymore, those who pretend to be nice to you but talk behind your back a million times worst, and those who judge you but never tell.

Some may say I am naive to think that people actually look out for their friends. I realize that we are living in a world with cold-blooded people, who roam around us without a tinge of sympathy nor love, able to step and push away everything in their path to get what they want. Yes, even I do think of myself. Who doesn't? They say the only thing that can save you in the end is yourself.

I may have just lived for slightly more than 21 years, known more people as I grow older. But it does not stop me from making stupid and naive judgments that effects how I am and how I will be.

Even if we hate someone today, it does not mean we will not ask for their help tomorrow. You are at your worst when you hate someone in return. I know I haven't been a good friend, sometimes being too busy with stuff. But I do miss every single one of them, especially those who have made me the person I am today.

It might not just be the birthday wished that we get once a year, or the text messages we get occasionally. It is more than just holding hands, more than playing together. It is the friendship that holds the heart would mean the most.

I miss being a kid when there is nothing to worry about. No heartaches, no lies. But I look forward to the future, and everything that is ahead of me...

Thank you for being my friend, friends.

Movie Mania!~

What a wonderful weekend!! After 2 weeks of postponing, I am finally able to finish this post. Haih..

Saturday morning, waking up in my room in Cyberheights was totally bliss. But not completely, as I realized I haven't unpacked yet. Changed the plan for the day, going to Kamal Bookstore for some medical-book-shopping after an almost-breakfast at Mak Teh's. Well, just for the record, I don't really go there anymore. The service is SUPER SLOW, not to forget the food which most of the time is the reason for me visiting the restroom in increased frequency =P

Well, I bought a few surgery books, recommended by my dad and also the lecturers, and immediately headed off to The Gardens. I haven't had breaskfast yet, nor lunch, so we rushed to get a movie ticket and had a quick lunch. But I still managed to grab a new sweater beforehand =P

The first movie of the day......

JENNIFER'S BODY

Well, in my opinion this is just an OK movie. Nothing much to be so WOW about it. There is not much of a story line, just Megan Fox showing off all she has. Amanda in the movie really shine and she acted her part well, but being side by side with Megan doesn't really help you to show off.


This movie to me is rather a disappointment. I was hoping it to be better. But well, it was a light movie. The effects were good. The message... well I would say if I get one, it is, "make sure she's a virgin before you sacrifice her". Haha. LOL, I know.



So, after the movie in The Gardens, we rushed to Pavilion since our next movie was there. I bought the Michael Jackson's This Is It wayyyyyy earlier than anyone else just so that I will get the best seats and I am really dying to watch it.

I am not really his biggest fan. I am more towards a Britney, Taylor and those kind of artists' fan. But with MJ, he's a phenomenon. I would really want to see for real what he had done for the concert as I ahve seen a lot of it on E. Since his death, the Jackson's family was not let to be living in the same quiet condition. It's not that they have been all this time, but the sudden attention given could really break someone into pieces.

So there we were, waiting to watch This Is It..

This Is It.. Michael Jackson

I would say this is a very well documentary, revealing exactly everything needed about the concert and the people behind it.

I was talking to my lecturer the other day, about the fans who were divided into two - wanting to watch and not wanting to watch. But after watching this, all I can say, it is a win-win situation afterall.

Yes, they get A LOT of money for producing this, and YES, they used his death. But on the other hand, as fans, we get to see EVERYONE that is involved in the hard work for the production. This is not a planned documentary, every action, every move and every word that came out from everyone was just something sincere and simple.

To start of with, EVERYONE wanted to be in the production. Millions showed up to be included as a back dancer, as a backup singer or anything at all in that matter. The props, the setting, the dancing... It was incredible!

Sometimes I wish I knew what really happen in his life, but he is now gone, without getting the chance to let the last curtain call falls with grace and dignity. But his music has touch us all, and his spirit will live forever. Not just in all his songs, his dance, and even to his children.

My heart reached out to his family, especially his 3 children, Prince, Paris and Blanket. He must have done something right to be loved by 3 such adorable kids. I wish him well. May he rest in peace.

I think that's my update for now. Wait for the updates of the following movies:

1. Time Traveler's Wife
2. Pisau Cukur
3. 2012

My Sister's Keeper

It's been some time since a movie could bring tears to my eyes, and it also have been a long time since I enjoyed any family or romance. Well today I decided to stay home, as I have just arrived from Terendak yesterday. Bee gave me this movie. We wanted to watch it in a cinema at first, but then looking at the movie list, this movie has not been brought into Malaysia. Sometimes I wonder how issues such as genetically conceiving could be so sensitive to the people in this country. Or maybe it is the part where the main character demands to have control of herself, causing her to disobey her parents? But isn't that in ALL movies? Why is this one different anyway?

Enough of the country's issues.

The last movie I watched a few weeks ago was Law Abiding Citizen. Yes, it was definitely a good movie, I just love the storyline, but maybe the ending and conclusion of the story could have been better.

"My Sister's Keeper"

Is a very famous book indeed by Jodi Picoult. Though the movie is different, it touches your heart just the same. This is in my opinion a good adaptation from the original piece.

There are things which are closely related to our everyday life portrayed in this movie. I may say that this movie could bring tears to those who watches it and also reads the book. Every single second spent is definitely worth it.

sometimes we take things for granted, just thinking that there will always be tomorrow to say thank you, sorry and I love you, and the next thing you know, time has passed you by and it's already too late

Love is not limited to time, space nor distance. You will sacrifice every drop of blood in your body just to save a loved one. You would rather be in pain than to see them hurt.

Everything we do is for a reason, and everything that has happened has definitely happened for a reason. We think that we might regret not doing something, or we thing that things can change, but you will never be who you are today if you weren't the same person you were yesterday

Family is life (fullstop!) Love your family, your parents, your siblings and your relatives as long as you could, as much as you could. Tell them that they are loved and appreciated

Listen to the people around you, they may be telling you something hurtful, something that can definitely break your heart, but just listen, as you will never know if it'll be the last thing they will ever say to you

• 

There are also some lines in this movie that touched my heart more than others.

"Will you wait for me?"
"I knew I took your first love from you. I only hope one day you will get her back"
"You gave up everything for me"
"I'm important too!"
"I'm sorry I let them hurt you"
"Sorry I took all the attention when you were the one who needed it the most"


There are still a few others, but I'd leave it to you to watch it.

Tomorrow I'm going to watch This Is It. Some fans would want to watch, some do not as they see it as an opportunity for some parties to gain benefit of MJ's death. But in the end, if you cannot give in glory, you can still rest in peace and glory. Another living proof, we do take things for granted.

Don't wake me

The mid-posting-examination for surgery is in a few hours. But my body aches like it never has before! Urgh! I just feel like dipping my body into ice cold water! Or sleep and never wake up till the pain is gone. Haih. Still, I have some other things to settle after the *I-hope-short-paper* later.

Back in Cyberjaya. Having my exams here. Yesterday was so fun, seeing my other group-mates whom I left for three weeks. Gosh, I really do miss them! But it's their turn to leave to Terendak. OwMG, I miss Terendak so deeply. Everyone there was un-limitedly helpful!!! And I miss every single one of them.. Sigh.

Beautiful..

Sometimes it brings me pleasure to please other people, thinking about their pain and suffering breaks my heart. I would to my very best try to give the best hospitality to anyone I could entertain, anyone who would need my help and anyone I could help.

Seeing patients everyday as a part of my medical training really gave me the opportunity to have compassion and passion to care. A girl asked me if I could be her sister as she was the only child, with a smile on my face I said yes. We are all brothers and sisters and it is a responsibility to help each other.

Life is beautiful.

Yesterday I went swimming in the sea next to our chalet with my friends. The water was warm, and calming, really helped me to sleep well after some incidents that really hurt me. Haih. It's difficult. Yes, it is. For me.

Don't smoke! STOP smoking! Last night an old man walked into the emergency department complaining of shortness of breath. He was and still is a chronic smoker. It breaks my heart each time he apologizes for troubling us in the emergency department. He went there with his grandson which in my opinion did not really look like he cared much. He was actually smoking in the car while his grandfather was being given oxygen to stabilize his partial pressure of oxygen.

Movies awaiting:
Jennifer's Body

This Is It

The Time Traveler's Wife

Owh, I'm in a romantic and family movie mood. Enough of gun shots for a while, okay?

I can't wait for the weekend. I need my dose of sleep and rest. Sigh, guess I will not be going back to Cyberjaya this week. Better have ultimate fun in Melaka while I still can =)

Listening to Kris Dayanti's latest song: Jangan Biarkan Cinta Menangis...

Ada kerinduan hampiri hatiku
Membawa diriku di dalam kesunyian
Kau bawa aku terbang
Dan melupakan semua masalah tentang kita

Rasa rindu ini tak pernah berlalu
Iringi langkahku mengusik di jiwaku
Kau aku bawa terbang
Dan melupakan semua masalah tentang kita

Reff:
Tak ingin aku mendengar kata berpisah darimu
Sungguh ku tak sanggup menerima kenyataan ini

Tak ingin aku mendengar kata berpisah darimu
Berikanlah aku kesempatan meyakinkan cinta kita

Begitu ku agungkan cinta
Yang tertulis nyata di hatiku
Jangan biarkan cinta ini menangis…

I'm following a series on TV3 - Sumpah Bunian. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but Era and I seems to keep the television on 24/7 as long as we're in the room and I find the story line to get more interesting :)

Era & Bhav's going back. Me left with Wafaa, Tim and Mimi.. Come back soon!!!!!

Kak Yam, may your marriage be blessed forever.. I'm sorry for not being there tonight. I know you will definitely glow in your wedding dress. Congratulations. He must be a very lucky man to hold your heart. My doa' will always be with you =))

I have learnt not to..

Wear a white blouse on a rainy day
Sleep during times I've never slept
Laugh out loudly in public
Walk aimlessly
Drive without a destination
Give in too much
Saying 'YES' all the time
Keep feelings to myself
Pretending to be happy all the time
Act as if nothing happen
Not trust my instinct
Shop non-stop
Give too much
Trust too deeply
Love unconditionally

Well, I guess I never learn anything at all..

I miss you

I am not feeling so well today, my vertigo getting worst by the minute. So I asked some medication from Dr. Azlan and was sent home by Chia. It took me a while to actually be able to take a nap as I am not used to taking naps at 10am! Huhu. Thank goodness my patient will not be entering OT until at least tomorrow. So at least I'll get a chance to assist her later. I finished off my seminar task and had a quick revision and eventually I fell asleep.

I dreamt of Sara and Kak Dian. Gosh, I miss them tremendously! I wish I could just be there, I really need someone to talk to, someone to share everything. Sara was so cute when she said 'I love you Aunty Nana' I miss that small hands holding mine, I miss the way she makes me stay and not to return to 'school'. I just miss her, them.

I just woke up. Ammar's call woke me up. Then Zubair and Chia called. Yes, I am fine, just hungry =P

I think I left my notebook in Cyberjaya. Definitely a reason to go back this weekend. Last week I had so much fun - had my dose of movie and karaoke and also SLEEP! Ok, I am not really working or staying up late ever since I was in Terendak, but to be able to sleep in my own bed really makes a difference! I brought my comforter with me now, so I will no longer be having ice-cold-sleepless-nights. Yay!

You! I miss you. (fullstop)

Currently listening to two new tracks by Carrie Underwood, Temporary Home and Mama's Song. Real nice!

Got a text message from Zu today. I miss you woman!!!

The internet connection is considerably OK. Will be having an online class with Mr. Ahmed later after Maghrib. How cool is that?? Haha.

Still a lot in my To-Study-List. Got to get things going. Mid-posting exam is just.... next week!!! I haven't even started studying the first week's seminar. Gosh, now I just realized that!!! Hope this pain in my head goes away soon. Can't stand it! Need to study lah. Urgh!!

I miss home too =(

Just another day

Well yea, today is just another day when I opened my eyes. Another day where I will either going back home with a smile on my face or a frown till dawn. But hey, it's life.

Things happen for a reason, so they say. Last night I was online with a close friend, she was sad, she was hurt. Dear, I will always be here for you. I know your heart is broken, and they say time will heal. Honestly for me, time does not heal, but it makes you stronger. You learn from the past and re-live the future. Sayang, heart-breakers will one day get their hearts broken too. Trust me. And I love you.. :)

Current mood: Blur

Haha. I noticed that I am almost always blurrrrr.. Urgh, too much blood in the system, maybe?

I'm now in Cyberjaya, had classes in RC Putrajaya. I wish I could stop by PJH and visit my group mates who are there. Urgh, really miss them!!!!!!!! Will be leaving for Terendak this evening. Era reminded me not to forget her. Haha.. Tonight we will be having rounds for pre-op. It is to get cases and know the cases and study the case for the operation the next day.

I need to prepare my report!!!!! Two more to go.. And TBLs. And and and.. STUDY!

I will not be coming back *maybe* for another two weeks.

Ammar, you owe me breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm so lazy to even get up from my bed. Please get into the mood madam!

One Week in Surgery

Hello peeps. It's been quite some time since I've updated my blog. Have been busy with the Surgery Posting, currently attached to Putrajaya Hospital. I'll be going to Terendak this Sunday for three weeks. Then the posting will be continued in Putrajaya Hospital.

Going to Terendak is not really an issue, my grandmother is there in Melaka. But it is devastating to have to split up the group! We've been so close during the whole Public Health posting in Sepang, and suddenly it will only be the 10 of us leaving the rest behind. Yes, we will be rotating the attachment site, but it is SAD!!!!!

I will definitely miss Syaz, traveling around and talking about boys, Ishani and her sweet voice, Zubalqiah and her giggles, Rusha oh just how she cares, Salasiah the way she is so sweet, Hamidah and her non-respondent-ness, Omar just how he makes everyone laugh, Zaizul and his way of controlling things, Farid with the advices, Hafiz with all the chit chat; and last but not least Ilyas and his blur-ness.

Well, then who will I be leaving to Terendak with???

Wafaa, Tim, Era, Mimi, Bhav, Chia, Abe, Zubair and Firdaus.

Haha.. definitely seems like a group up to some mischievous projects and stuff =P

I will be staying in Melaka for the next three weeks. Haha. Have promised the girls to go shopping and movie-ing. Hope time flies fast and I will be back here again. *Sigh*

Anyway, I'm waiting to go to several open houses. Think my ride is here. Ngeh.

Dementia

Wake up!
Sleepy... really..

*no idea.. currently in Surgery Posting*

more updatessssss to come. :)

Tsunami

Today I finally watched a movie after more than two whole months.Why??

1. It was Ramadhan.. so.. erm.. trying to turn over a new leaf
2. I was in Nilai the whole time!!!! *almost*

Well, today is officially my last day in Nilai, and I am grateful for it. Firstly, I will update about what happened more later in a separate post, and I also need to update about Abang My's wedding. OwMG, it was awesome. But first, let me continue about the most wonderful movie I just watched.

Everyone knows what happened back then in 2004, but no one will ever know the grief and sorrow that the family members faced. It was definitely hard for them, hundred thousands of lives, gone in just a few minutes. How can it be, when you are so happy and at the peak of your life, then sudenly everything is gone.

This story is really moving and motivating. Definitely. I like the story line, it is almost just like something Yasmin Ahmad or Khabir Bhatia will make. Really.

I have so much to tell, which one to start?? Haha.. Maybe later I won't even have the time to update. Figures.

10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

not even close

not even a little bit

not even at all.

-Bianca Stratford

Just another night

It's another night in RC.

urgh!~

stress.

DO NOT DISTURB!

*red sign*

Have you ever-ever really, really-really ever loved a woman?

Vague, isn’t it? I was in the car with my friends back from lunch when we heard this song in the radio. The lyrics were so sweet, so inspiring and it makes me feel like I definitely would want someone to love me that way. But does this guy, a guy like this really exist? Does love in this manner really exist? History has taught me not to give out too much, cause then if you fall there will be nothing else left for you, and not to let yourself being hurt.

Lately I realize that I am in a state of massive blurness. I have a lot of things to settle and I really need to get studying as the finals are next week. Still a lot of stuff to cover. Haih. My weekend is fully booked, my cousin's wedding on Saturday and the Health Intervention Programme on Sunday. Well, maybe I should start off finishing the Walk Through Survey report first before studying though it is to be submitted on Monday. The HIP won't be that long, I guess I'll take a nap and TRY to start studying that Monday night =)

This Public Health and Community Medicine block is almost over. Relieved, as there will no longer be any more proposals, questionnaires and so on. But then suddenly Syaz mentioned that we will not see the whole group for the next four months! OwMG!! 4 months????? I will definitely miss the laughter, teasing and jokes that we share. Haih. Now I'm sad. Coming up next = *Surgery Posting*.

Tired still =( ..

I'm HOMESICK!! *cry*sob*cry*

Today can I go back to Cyber? Pretty please...

Poster presentation

"Too much repitition" Was I supposed to know??

Chatted with someone today

"I don't believe in happily ever after" " So you don't believe in fairytales?" "I used to, now I don't, I just don't wanna get hurt"

Silence

"you want a guy you can look up to, someone that can take your hand and guide you" "I'm someone who is afraid to take the next step, I need someone to hold me close and tell me it's okay"

"Need is from your brain, want is from your heart, you can't really balance it out"

Well, I bet my friend was right. He's my friend now, a friend of a friend I recently met. Sometimes you don't have to know someone for 10 years before understanding the person. A stranger might understand you better than yourself. Your first impression might not be right, and people tend to judge all the time, but it's who you think you are matters most. And sometimes you can open up to people who knows you least just simply without any reason.

Oh, I also read my friend's blog, on her perspective towards love and I find it to be very cute.

'Aku cuma pengen mengenal cinta yang sederhana aja. Aku suka kamu. Kamu suka aku. Kita pacaran. Kita bahagia. Aku sayang kamu. Kamu sayang aku. Kita ciuman. Kita nakal ya! Aku cinta kamu. Kamu cinta aku. Kita nikah aja ya, sebelum dosa!' - http://piethstop.com/

Cute right? I miss her so much! She was a very close friend I met during my years in Sunway College, among the best days in my life. I really miss the times when I can just hangout with them and put all the worry behind me, being able to cry my heart out and sharing stories, laughing till dawn.

Yes, I would want my love story to be simple, not complicated with heartaches and sorrow. Can I just have a simple guy who can guide me and never let me fall? A guy who would be there for me and not taking me for granted if I was always there for him? Life would be so much easier with only "I love you, you love me, let's be together happily forever"

Pieth, Rina, Intan - I miss all of you so much!!!!!

A message in Facebook which definitely made my day:

"thanks kak nana..love you too ♥♥♥♥"

-from Alea

It's a wonder how an 8-year-old brings a smile to your face and brightens up your day.

I miss my nieces and nephews! *sigh*

Take me away...

I'm tired.

Currently listening to....

"Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is - haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true"

...All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing...

So sweet. Ahh. I'm so not in the mood. Can I just go back home and snuggle up with my teddy and sleep???

Urgh. So melancholy I am, am I?

When you say nothing at all..

Most of the times keeping quite will get you out of unwanted situations, but today I learnt that sometimes you have to say it though it may hurt. Being insecure might just be part of it, could it? Owh, and don't ever say things you don't mean. It hurts. *reminder!*

A loooooooooooong day - again. The visit to the factory was definitely mesmerizing! *also tiring* Was trying to stay awake during the talk but did not manage to. Thanks to some people who kept me awake :P . The breakfast *brunch* was yummy, with my empty stomach, everything tastes as if it came right down from heaven.

Occupational hazards: Important yet sometimes go unnoticed.

How do people actually strive to make a living could really bring tears to your eyes!!! They said that last year and the previous years there has been a lot of accidents in this place. It's really sad. And the fire burning so hot with super hot steels that you can even feel the heat though you're a mile away, can actually see it with your eyes, just like the larva from a volcano, orange and black in colour, promising a deadly ending, never a happy beginning.

Hey, promise you'll never make me cry, please. And I'll *try to* wipe away your tears. *random*

Things left to-do tonight:
1. Paint the banner
2. Design the poster
3. .....
4. .....

....You may say it best when you say nothing at all, but I hope you can say it....

Truly, Madly, Deeply

How would you know if the feeling you feel today would last till eternity? *random mood*

Haih. Now I'm back in Nilai. *yay?* But the good thing is I'll be finishing the whole block in about two weeks. And I will not have to be here anymore. Ngee... I really do not have the mood to do anything just yet. I still have to finish all the report and presentations, the health intervention program and so on. It's gonna be a loooooooooong two weeks :( .

Can't wait fot this weekend.. *winks*

Reminder:
Start studying please Nana!

Adik's PMR - 10 days to go? *urgh, I'm counting again!*

Oh yea, Wafaa's perfume was actually for male. Sorry dear, will get you a new one when I get back to Dubai. *pinky promise*

I just found out that I have a relative staying at the same road I am staying in Nilai, and he's a pilot-to-be. Then the topic arises:
Someone asked me, "Can I marry a pilot?"
Someone said to me, "I wanna get engaged!"
Someone told me "I wanna get married!"
Maybe, this is the most interesting topic nowadays.

What do I do then? *smile and wave*

Green actually reminds me of something. Deja vu?

Love me.

Love me (fullstop!).

I was listening to a song on youtube the other day, Yiruma - Love me. A song with no lyrics, just a simple tune of the piano. Allowing my mind to float away, to reminice the happiness and sadness once felt. The pain, though not still bleeding. It leaves me wondering to a land I never expect I will ever revisit, a time long before, a distant memory. Sometimes I feel like I just want to turn back time, to take all the tears away, but if I do so, the happiness will never has existed either. Now it's just like walking down memory lane, just having a glimpse of the past without stopping by. Maybe, who knows?

*Sigh* I miss you.

But now it's time to go on, moving on with life. With my own life.

Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is the present.

Puteri Impian

It's every girls' dream to one day be swept of her feet, carried away in a white stallion and live happily ever after. I am home, watching this Malay movie from my childhood days which apparently was being replayed on television about a girl dreaming of becoming a princess, thinking it would be a happily-ever-after ending. But then she realizes it is who she really is that metters most, not who she wants or dreams to be.

Life is more complicated than I-love-you's and you-love-me's. Sometimes I miss the times when I can just dream and imagine it coming to life.

"Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday but I realize some bigger dreams of mine"

Maybe there is more to life than what I am loving in today, maybe there is more to me than who I am today. I will just need time to figure that out...

Oh, I really need to get in the mood of studying.. zz.. *sigh*

Gotta get get..

Okay, it is already the third day of raya. Gosh, how time flies when you are happy. I wish time would pass by this fast when I am sad or depressed! Haha. Well, that's life.

Anyway, I should get back to my studies, I think. We will have a launching for the community program next sunday. And the following week is our finals.

Gotta get get get the mood now.....

It's raya people!!

It's raya people!!! Today was super fun! Firstly, I woke up just in time to do everything necessary - helping my sister and cousins dress up, cleaning up a bit and taking care of the kids... I had to prepare Aida whilst taking care of the babies of the house while their parents and grandparents went for solat hari raya. Huda was very interested in the make up and we put some on her cute face. At least it kept her distracted from looking for her mummy... :P
After everyone's done and prepared, the photography session began. We did not have any professional photographers though Aty is secretary is the secretory of the photography club in her school (can you really take a photo Aty?). Haha. Along is not back yet, so no tripod stand :( . But we managed to take beautiful pictures anyway.

It has been three years since I last celebrated my 1st day of raya here, and honestly I knida feel like the raya spirit is back. Haha. To me, raya is not just having your new outfits, making the house look sparkling clean or anything, but it also means spending time with the people you love - top priority = family. My family is everything to me. EVERYTHING. I really like to celebrate here. It's not that I do not like to celebrate in Kelantan, there are just more people here. And some of them I have not met for almost a year *Pak Busu - currently working in Africa, Pak Lang - in Singapore, Kak Ani - in Egypt studying medicine.* I am always in Kelantan during school holidays. Maybe that is why.

Anyway, afterwards we went to the usual routine house that we attend to every raya. The only time we ever visit these houses is during raya. Haha. Tok Teh, Pak Bu Su, Mak Lang and Mak Uda. Everyone keeps on commenting on how grown up we were, the three of us. I mean, time flies and generally people grow to become more matured and definitely older!! Haha. We are definitely not Benjamin Button people!!!

Then we went back to nenek's house and had super duper fun cam whoring. Well, it is raya, right people???

Oh yes, not to forget, we also had a very special guest... FARIZ!!! Haha.. I'm so sorry I gave you the wrong direction. Thanks so much for coming, and do come again ok. At least you got duit raya right?? Hehe.. Next time you'll know where to go. Hehe. He came alone since Zeti had to help out and Ad was tired *just got back from Dubai* . Suddenly I miss Istanbul..~

Now, I'm counting the minutes before my train departs leaving Tampin station and I will be ariving Kelantan in another 12 hours or so. Honestly, I do feel sad. All those people waving just now could really bring tears to my eyes. It's been long since I had so much fun during raya.
Well, what next?
More celebrations, perhaps??