Sunday, August 1, 2010

Of Growing Up

When we were younger, we used to cry a lot. I, used to cry a lot. I'd cry when I don't get what I want, when people *especially my cousins* bully me, when I'm hungry, when I'm sad, when I wake up, when I'm looking for my mummy, when I can't find my favourite toy, oh well, pretty everything brings tears to the eyes.

Kids. It's easy being one of them. When you cry, all you need is you mummy to hold you tight, or a pacifier and the world seems to be a happy place to live in again. You don't even remember that you've cried, and you'll be on top of the world once more.

As we grow up, the world seems to say that crying is wrong, that there is no need to shed tears. As we grow up, we tend to cry for different things. We cry in disappointment, we cry when our hearts get broken, we cry when there's no one to turn to, especially when we are at the bottom and the worst state of our lives.

I wish I don't have to grow up.

What does growing up means? Sometimes I see it as not being to express yourself, not being able to show how you feel. Worst, it means you're vulnerable to feelings that could hurt you, slice you into pieces. It means you have to do things on your own, and depend on no one but yourself, trust no one but your heart, and if that fails you too, nothing is there to hold on to.

We make mistakes in life, decisions that changes who we are, who mould us into the person standing today. Sometimes it seems like it would not matter, the changes in life, but when you look back, it hurts deeply as you wonder all the "What ifs" and "Could it be".

Wondering would change nothing. You can't turn back time, not even a single second. All you have is now, this time, this moment.

I just hope that one day, when I look back, I would be able to smile.

1 comment:

ms. mac said...

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.