Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Only Exception

When I was 15, I fell in love for the first time. Yes, cliche it may sound, as it is of a very young age, an age I hardly know anything about love and lost. What Taylor Swift sang in her song - Fifteen - was very close to what I felt when I was at that age. I say I fell in love, as I knew back then it was not just a crush, it was not just a fling, it was true love. I felt it with every breath I took, with every drop of blood inside my body. I was in love.

Little did I know about love at that time, what I only knew was I wanted to be with him forever. I swore I was going to marry him one day. Yes, childhood dreams right? I didn't realize that one day I'll be having bigger dreams. See, I'm such a fairy tale believer. I did everything I could, I wanted him to know that he's special, I wanted him to know that I love him, and that I'd do anything to fight for what we have. Back then, it felt like the right thing to do, the only thing to do.

I tried my best not to hurt him at all, when deep inside I was hurt deeply to the core of my soul. Each time, I tried to give reasons for the way he treats me, what he did and everything else. I tried to act understanding, and that I would be there for him each and every time. I thought if you love someone, you should give everything you can, everything you have. But I wanted to feel special, too. I wanted to feel that I was needed, that I was someone, not just plain "that girl". Mostly, I wanted to know that he'll be there when I needed him. I tried and wanted to be the very best for him till I thought that being 'me' is not enough.

I always wanted a fairy tale love story, but then reality hits back, and I found out it's just an ordinary world.

I've learn that now, love hurts. But it's still the best feeling of all.

I'm not saying that I don't believe in true love. I believe that one day you'll find someone, realizing that you are good enough for each other and be together. But to find someone perfect, who fits your every single criteria is impossible. It's not a movie we're living in, it's the real world, and in the real world, there are no such deals.

What I'm looking for is the only exception, the one that could make me believe that things are going to be okay, though not as we planned, but in a different way, better or just as good as it is.

I know everyone's looking for the only exception for themselves.

This song, sang by Paramore, says the words that I'm trying to say just right. *Loving her hair! I want that shade!! - wont suit me though, and mummy will kill me!* Maybe the only exception might not even be "the other half". We might find it in true friendship, in our family or just a stranger that makes our day. I've seen people growing up and be stronger after heartaches, though there's a fair amount of those who just drown in misery and despair. Honestly, it's your choice.

Love doesn't fade away, disappearing just like that. Even if you find a way to learn to love someone else, it means your heart has expanded to give more space for love.


Group said...
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wafaa said...

this is so beautiful......xoxo

NaNa XD said...

Tqx wafaa!! XoXO!~

ms. mac said...

"I always wanted a fairy tale love story, but then reality hits back, and I found out it's just an ordinary world.

I've learn that now, love hurts. But it's still the best feeling of all."

me too! i want a fairy tale love story, where the guy only sees the girl and the girl can rely on the guy to be there for her when she needs him the most =)

but the hurt that's caused by luv isnt something i'd ever want to feel ever again. i even wish i never had it. ever. it almost crashed me real bad, only i was lucky i got back up before things come to worst. alhamdulillah...

NaNa XD said...

hey wafaa.. tqx for quoting me. but you know what dear, i always knew that you'd somehow make it through, not just 'that' but anything at all. and one day you'll be able to write your own fairy tale. thought it might not be smooth sailing, but it'll be yours to keep and to cherish forever. and you know what, even if it gets difficult for you to find your feet to stand back up, i'll be there to give you a hand. you can count on me :)