Have you ever-ever really, really-really ever loved a woman?

Vague, isn’t it? I was in the car with my friends back from lunch when we heard this song in the radio. The lyrics were so sweet, so inspiring and it makes me feel like I definitely would want someone to love me that way. But does this guy, a guy like this really exist? Does love in this manner really exist? History has taught me not to give out too much, cause then if you fall there will be nothing else left for you, and not to let yourself being hurt.

Lately I realize that I am in a state of massive blurness. I have a lot of things to settle and I really need to get studying as the finals are next week. Still a lot of stuff to cover. Haih. My weekend is fully booked, my cousin's wedding on Saturday and the Health Intervention Programme on Sunday. Well, maybe I should start off finishing the Walk Through Survey report first before studying though it is to be submitted on Monday. The HIP won't be that long, I guess I'll take a nap and TRY to start studying that Monday night =)

This Public Health and Community Medicine block is almost over. Relieved, as there will no longer be any more proposals, questionnaires and so on. But then suddenly Syaz mentioned that we will not see the whole group for the next four months! OwMG!! 4 months????? I will definitely miss the laughter, teasing and jokes that we share. Haih. Now I'm sad. Coming up next = *Surgery Posting*.

Tired still =( ..

I'm HOMESICK!! *cry*sob*cry*

Today can I go back to Cyber? Pretty please...

Poster presentation

"Too much repitition" Was I supposed to know??

Chatted with someone today

"I don't believe in happily ever after" " So you don't believe in fairytales?" "I used to, now I don't, I just don't wanna get hurt"

Silence

"you want a guy you can look up to, someone that can take your hand and guide you" "I'm someone who is afraid to take the next step, I need someone to hold me close and tell me it's okay"

"Need is from your brain, want is from your heart, you can't really balance it out"

Well, I bet my friend was right. He's my friend now, a friend of a friend I recently met. Sometimes you don't have to know someone for 10 years before understanding the person. A stranger might understand you better than yourself. Your first impression might not be right, and people tend to judge all the time, but it's who you think you are matters most. And sometimes you can open up to people who knows you least just simply without any reason.

Oh, I also read my friend's blog, on her perspective towards love and I find it to be very cute.

'Aku cuma pengen mengenal cinta yang sederhana aja. Aku suka kamu. Kamu suka aku. Kita pacaran. Kita bahagia. Aku sayang kamu. Kamu sayang aku. Kita ciuman. Kita nakal ya! Aku cinta kamu. Kamu cinta aku. Kita nikah aja ya, sebelum dosa!' - http://piethstop.com/

Cute right? I miss her so much! She was a very close friend I met during my years in Sunway College, among the best days in my life. I really miss the times when I can just hangout with them and put all the worry behind me, being able to cry my heart out and sharing stories, laughing till dawn.

Yes, I would want my love story to be simple, not complicated with heartaches and sorrow. Can I just have a simple guy who can guide me and never let me fall? A guy who would be there for me and not taking me for granted if I was always there for him? Life would be so much easier with only "I love you, you love me, let's be together happily forever"

Pieth, Rina, Intan - I miss all of you so much!!!!!

A message in Facebook which definitely made my day:

"thanks kak nana..love you too ♥♥♥♥"

-from Alea

It's a wonder how an 8-year-old brings a smile to your face and brightens up your day.

I miss my nieces and nephews! *sigh*

Take me away...

I'm tired.

Currently listening to....

"Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is - haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true"

...All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing...

So sweet. Ahh. I'm so not in the mood. Can I just go back home and snuggle up with my teddy and sleep???

Urgh. So melancholy I am, am I?

When you say nothing at all..

Most of the times keeping quite will get you out of unwanted situations, but today I learnt that sometimes you have to say it though it may hurt. Being insecure might just be part of it, could it? Owh, and don't ever say things you don't mean. It hurts. *reminder!*

A loooooooooooong day - again. The visit to the factory was definitely mesmerizing! *also tiring* Was trying to stay awake during the talk but did not manage to. Thanks to some people who kept me awake :P . The breakfast *brunch* was yummy, with my empty stomach, everything tastes as if it came right down from heaven.

Occupational hazards: Important yet sometimes go unnoticed.

How do people actually strive to make a living could really bring tears to your eyes!!! They said that last year and the previous years there has been a lot of accidents in this place. It's really sad. And the fire burning so hot with super hot steels that you can even feel the heat though you're a mile away, can actually see it with your eyes, just like the larva from a volcano, orange and black in colour, promising a deadly ending, never a happy beginning.

Hey, promise you'll never make me cry, please. And I'll *try to* wipe away your tears. *random*

Things left to-do tonight:
1. Paint the banner
2. Design the poster
3. .....
4. .....

....You may say it best when you say nothing at all, but I hope you can say it....

Truly, Madly, Deeply

How would you know if the feeling you feel today would last till eternity? *random mood*

Haih. Now I'm back in Nilai. *yay?* But the good thing is I'll be finishing the whole block in about two weeks. And I will not have to be here anymore. Ngee... I really do not have the mood to do anything just yet. I still have to finish all the report and presentations, the health intervention program and so on. It's gonna be a loooooooooong two weeks :( .

Can't wait fot this weekend.. *winks*

Reminder:
Start studying please Nana!

Adik's PMR - 10 days to go? *urgh, I'm counting again!*

Oh yea, Wafaa's perfume was actually for male. Sorry dear, will get you a new one when I get back to Dubai. *pinky promise*

I just found out that I have a relative staying at the same road I am staying in Nilai, and he's a pilot-to-be. Then the topic arises:
Someone asked me, "Can I marry a pilot?"
Someone said to me, "I wanna get engaged!"
Someone told me "I wanna get married!"
Maybe, this is the most interesting topic nowadays.

What do I do then? *smile and wave*

Green actually reminds me of something. Deja vu?

Love me.

Love me (fullstop!).

I was listening to a song on youtube the other day, Yiruma - Love me. A song with no lyrics, just a simple tune of the piano. Allowing my mind to float away, to reminice the happiness and sadness once felt. The pain, though not still bleeding. It leaves me wondering to a land I never expect I will ever revisit, a time long before, a distant memory. Sometimes I feel like I just want to turn back time, to take all the tears away, but if I do so, the happiness will never has existed either. Now it's just like walking down memory lane, just having a glimpse of the past without stopping by. Maybe, who knows?

*Sigh* I miss you.

But now it's time to go on, moving on with life. With my own life.

Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is the present.

Puteri Impian

It's every girls' dream to one day be swept of her feet, carried away in a white stallion and live happily ever after. I am home, watching this Malay movie from my childhood days which apparently was being replayed on television about a girl dreaming of becoming a princess, thinking it would be a happily-ever-after ending. But then she realizes it is who she really is that metters most, not who she wants or dreams to be.

Life is more complicated than I-love-you's and you-love-me's. Sometimes I miss the times when I can just dream and imagine it coming to life.

"Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday but I realize some bigger dreams of mine"

Maybe there is more to life than what I am loving in today, maybe there is more to me than who I am today. I will just need time to figure that out...

Oh, I really need to get in the mood of studying.. zz.. *sigh*

Gotta get get..

Okay, it is already the third day of raya. Gosh, how time flies when you are happy. I wish time would pass by this fast when I am sad or depressed! Haha. Well, that's life.

Anyway, I should get back to my studies, I think. We will have a launching for the community program next sunday. And the following week is our finals.

Gotta get get get the mood now.....

It's raya people!!

It's raya people!!! Today was super fun! Firstly, I woke up just in time to do everything necessary - helping my sister and cousins dress up, cleaning up a bit and taking care of the kids... I had to prepare Aida whilst taking care of the babies of the house while their parents and grandparents went for solat hari raya. Huda was very interested in the make up and we put some on her cute face. At least it kept her distracted from looking for her mummy... :P
After everyone's done and prepared, the photography session began. We did not have any professional photographers though Aty is secretary is the secretory of the photography club in her school (can you really take a photo Aty?). Haha. Along is not back yet, so no tripod stand :( . But we managed to take beautiful pictures anyway.

It has been three years since I last celebrated my 1st day of raya here, and honestly I knida feel like the raya spirit is back. Haha. To me, raya is not just having your new outfits, making the house look sparkling clean or anything, but it also means spending time with the people you love - top priority = family. My family is everything to me. EVERYTHING. I really like to celebrate here. It's not that I do not like to celebrate in Kelantan, there are just more people here. And some of them I have not met for almost a year *Pak Busu - currently working in Africa, Pak Lang - in Singapore, Kak Ani - in Egypt studying medicine.* I am always in Kelantan during school holidays. Maybe that is why.

Anyway, afterwards we went to the usual routine house that we attend to every raya. The only time we ever visit these houses is during raya. Haha. Tok Teh, Pak Bu Su, Mak Lang and Mak Uda. Everyone keeps on commenting on how grown up we were, the three of us. I mean, time flies and generally people grow to become more matured and definitely older!! Haha. We are definitely not Benjamin Button people!!!

Then we went back to nenek's house and had super duper fun cam whoring. Well, it is raya, right people???

Oh yes, not to forget, we also had a very special guest... FARIZ!!! Haha.. I'm so sorry I gave you the wrong direction. Thanks so much for coming, and do come again ok. At least you got duit raya right?? Hehe.. Next time you'll know where to go. Hehe. He came alone since Zeti had to help out and Ad was tired *just got back from Dubai* . Suddenly I miss Istanbul..~

Now, I'm counting the minutes before my train departs leaving Tampin station and I will be ariving Kelantan in another 12 hours or so. Honestly, I do feel sad. All those people waving just now could really bring tears to my eyes. It's been long since I had so much fun during raya.
Well, what next?
More celebrations, perhaps??

A tiring yet wonderful night...

This is basically what we did the night before raya. The whole family was there except for Aunty Chik. But we had fun anyway. Too much to explain, maybe you should just see the pics~

A badminton mathch - Suraya & Shahira *Huda being the referee*

Angah mengenangkan zaman silam.. hahaha~
The spectators

Waiting for iftarrrrr!~

The three stooges LOLZ:P

He's such a darl..~

Kakak tunjuk rajin~

Let's eat people!!

Huda sayang...~

Acips!

Nana kecik pandai ke guna camera tu??

One Day Before Raya~

I am currently in Melaka. It's really fun as it has been so long since I celebrated the first day of Syawal here. I miss to be around all my naughty yet wonderful cousins, the havoc and noise when everyone is around and also to just be with everyone here.

When I was a little girl, I used to spend my whole school holidays here, and I would cry everytime mummy and daddy wants to bring me home. I just love being here though I get bullied by my older cousins. Being only in a family of girls, my male cousins are like brothers to me and so does the rest. We are all so close, sharing secrets and gossipping all the time. One thing you have to bear in mind is when you are here, NEVER leak anything you would not want people to know. This family is just too caring till they will let everyone know. I remembered when I fisrt noticed the lump underneath my ear, my aunty chik called, her voice so worried as if I have brain tumor!!! Haha.. But that's what I love so much about them..

I miss the time when I used to play with all my cousins, playing card, hide and seek and making baju raya for my barbie doll =p .. Those times has definitely pass me by, some of them has already married, having children, being engaged and so on. Now it is no more about fairy tales and dragons, no more make believe and pretending, now it's all serious matters, though the tease and fun are still there, just not on the same topic anymore. Now I have 10 nieces and nephews!! I really can't believe how fast time flies, but it does.

I miss being a child where I can do mistakes and be so innocent about it, where there is nothing else bothering my mind and I my heart knows no pain. I miss being able to just cry out my heart whenever I feel like it, not having to hide my feelings, pretending everything is okay.

I still enjoy my time being here, though things have changed. We may be talking about different stuff - boys, work, studies, graduation - but everything still seems the same.

Well, being it the last day of Ramadhan, let me recap what I have done during the whole month. I did not have much time to see other people apart of my friends in the current posting, so most of the time I spent with them. We went for iftar at every possible *delicious* restaurant we can find, trying out new food and going around for visits.

We went to visit Zubalqiah's patient in Bagan Lalang and had the opportunity to play around the beach. It was SO beautiful! The scene was spectacular. The ikan bakar was also amazing!! :P This is the Ramadhan that I have to spend the most since we are so far away from college = no free food for us :( . But somehow, we were really happy.


And not to forget the community we are approaching for the community health program. Ok, it was exhausting. I did not sleep the whole night doing the community diagnosis and I lost weight like almost 10kg!! *good for me:P* But still, I am grateful to have such supportive group mates and friends. Now it's holiday and I really miss them!!!!

i


Despite the busy schedule, I managed to attend my highschool reunion. Everyone was still the same. I miss the time I had during my highschool, I miss my friends. Though I also had hard times there *who doesn't* but those are the happiest times in my life.




Now, it's already the last day of Ramadhan. Time flies. I'm afraid if there is something left to be done, something left to be said. What I am really sure right now is that I am happy and if I could, I would want to always be like this.

To my bestfriend... you know who you are..

I miss you, my dear. I miss you so much. Remember the times when we uses to stay up all night, all three of us in my little bed to talk about old time sake, doing random stuff like suddenly deciding to go to an amusement park, walking into a crappy restaurant and hoping that they would serve something decent, shopping, shopping, shopping and gossiping till dawn? I miss those days when I wait for you just to watch a lame movie on tv! I miss the smile across your face, your laughter and the way you were always there for me when I needed you. I am impressed by the faith you have in me. When I was at the lowest point in my life, when my heart was broken, when I was hurt and I fell so deeply that I can never imagine will ever rebound again, you were the one that held my hand and made me through. For that, I am grateful to be blessed with a friend like you.

Though we are separated thousands of miles apart, our friendship remains strong, and it even got stronger throughout the year. The further we are, the stronger the bond felt. Till I cannot stop myself from shedding tears when you had to leave. The first time you left, I did not know who else to turn to, my life felt empty and lonely. I wanted you to stay, but I know you are seeking your dreams. Sorry I did not manage to visit you there, being here makes me too busy and sometimes I do not even have the time to come online or message you. But I hope you know that I never forget you, and you are always in my doa.

But honey, when I called you that day your voice did not have the same charm I used to know. You sounded sad, you said you were hurt. Honey, love is not always happy, it brings a thousand sufferings with just one single joy. But my dear, if you think it is worth to go through the thousand suffering you will definitely gain what’s woth of it. And darling, I have never seen another girl as tough as you. I cannot imagine being in your shoes, it must have hurt tremendously, but yet you still want to give in.

You know what dear? I think if he leaves you, he’s not good enough for you. You can be with anyone anywhere, trust me, your smile can lighten up a whole town! If only I could spread my wings and fly to you, I would, just to wipe your tears away. We might be miles apart and not talking in months, but you are always in my heart.

But then you told me that everything was working out, and that you found your way to handle it, I was the happiest person on earth! Sayang, it might not be easy to deal with emotions sometimes, it might even be even more difficult trying to convince your own self than others, but as long as you believe in it, it will be okay.

Honey, I want you to know that I am ALWAYS and FOREVER here for you.

I love you dear. Please come back soon, we go ice skating again okay?

What will you choose?

I definitely started today in the wrong foot. Well, not being able to get my beauty sleep last night, doing some important stuff that needs to be finished. Thank goodness I wasn't doing the work alone, as I was also helped by my friends who willingly stayed along. Haha. I slept at 4am and woke up so late! Thank goodness when we were still “early” in the sense of no lecturer has entered the class when we did though we know they have arrived :P I am very grateful to have Syaz, Wafaa and Tim who accompanied me driving home at 3.50am! Sleeping makes me happy, maybe I'n not so vibrant today.

It really is not my first time sleeping so late, well I’ve slept even later than that, but maybe because my biological clock has not been ticking to that hour for such a long time, I honestly think it was shocked. What more I did not get my usually daytime nap.

Anyway, we had a Community Diagnosis presentation and my heart really was not in it. Yes, I was SUPER SLEEPY, and also because it’s going to be raya soon and I cannot wait to go back! Mummy and daddy are arriving on Friday with my kakak, and so does adik from Kelantan. Speaking about randomness, I was sitting in Syaz’s car this morning and sudding babbled about not being able to fit in a cab. Oh, I really need my dose of caffeine which I obviously cannot get since it is the month of Ramadhan and I am fasting.

Some MAJOR points to note out of today’s events:

• NEVER choose to watch a movie on your laptop over taking a nap in the afternoon, it will really get you in the end
• TRY to reset your biological clock, Community Medicine coming to an end, Surgery posting just around the corner... Wake up Na...
• If you’re driving in the early morning, bring a friend along. They might be the reason you’re living another day
• Help out your friends, never just let things be as you might be in the sport limelight today, and tomorrow you might be at the lowest point of your life
• MOVE ON!