These past few months has not been easy for me. Before I was pregnant, I can hardly stand myself with my one-week-PMS-emotions, and now the emotions are here to stay for nine months!!!
I'm not grumpy or sad all the time, its just that I have a spectrum of emotions from the highest level of all to the lowest I can ever been, and worst, without any valid reasons.
Aneesah told me a few weeks ago a friend said I was more fierce than I used to be. The emotions running high in me makes me despise people that I don't like, and it is really difficult for me to hide what I feel. It'll show all over my face! So what I did was just walk away with a clenched fist ad either perform salah, have wudhu' or I'll just lie down. I've read once in a sunnah that if you're angry while standing, sit down, and if you are still angry, lie down. So I tried. Alhamdulillah I haven't burst into becoming someone I do not know or will hate in the future.
These hormones has made me weep easier than ever! Imagine I was watching 13 going on 30 and I cried! OMG that was hard. And I will just suddenly miss my family, my parents, my sisters, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and even my bestfriends out of the blue!
I've also become really-really sensitive towards the treatment and attention that my husband gives me. I admit that I am the manja type, but this pregnancy has multiplied it into a million and I will merajuk just because he replied my text with 'ok.' Without any sayang or baby in it -.-" I know, but I can't help it.
I know this emotional roller-coaster will not end once the baby is born, but a new set of emotions will come and join the crowd. And I know that I have no idea of how to handle it, but if there is one thing that I am sure is that Farid will always be there in my every step, together.
I love you sayang
For now, my emotions are literally like this in a minute!