I Don't Know

If I am strong enough to endure the stress related to this career I've chosen. Its not that I regret involving myself in this field. I would never. I knew that this field would require long hours of work, and sacrifice almost everything else in life. This line would need me to be resilient and a lifetime learner, which is something I am more than willing to be.

But yesterday, what I witness in front of my own eyes was something so heartbreaking that I almost broke down there and then. Thank goodness I had good support from the staff members, and they assured me that it is normal to feel the way that I felt, and that sometimes we need to be to be able to handle these kind of stuff.

For me, it was totally new. I've seen really sick patients, crying family members, but this was different.

What would you feel if you tucked you son in bed perfectly well last night and today he's gone?

I can't even begin to imaging what the family members felt. It must be hard for them. There were screams, cries, everything.

And for me, I need to toughen up this fragile and vulnerable heart of mine to be able to cope. I'm traumatized, definitely, but this is only the first incident I'll be witnessing for the next I don't know how many years in this line of career.

O God please spare this heart of mine.