The Pain

When I see a child cry, my heart longs to hold them tight and tell them that everything will be fine. The look of fear in their eyes breaks my heart.

But in healthcare, you can't really do anything, as everything done is to make that child better.

I've been having so much fun in the paediatric ward I don't want to go elsewhere. Seeing how the disease improves and their smiling little faces makes my day bearable. One more week to go and I'll be in my final posting.

I pray that everything goes well, that the children I encountered get well and for my friends and I graduate as safe and competent doctors, Ameen.

Love Is Not Enough

On the way to the hospital this morning, as usual Mr. Fiance and I were talking about unimportant stuff when suddenly someone called the radio station, and both of us were stunned.

This was the conversation:

Caller: Hello. I want to share with you today that I feel guilty towards my wife

DJ: Why?

Caller: Recently I've met with someone new, her name is the same as my wife's name. And I've been going out a few times and coming back late. But my wife doesn't seem to matter.

DJ: So you've decided to leave that girl and be honest with your wife?

Caller: Well, actually I decided to proceed with the relationship, but I don't know how to tell my wife.

DJ: Why don't you just tell her? How long have you been married?

Caller: It has been almost a year since our marriage and we just had our first baby. The problem is that I really2 love my wife

That's all I could remember.

You see, the caller can't possible not love his wife on the day they got married, right? And he must have loved her before. And he said that he still loves her, yet his heart also belongs to another. I honestly don't know what he was thinking or what he was even doing, but to the caller, and all the men out there, love is not enough. Both must be able to learn to honour the love to make it last.

You see, marriage is not only about love, though love do take up a certain percentage in making a marriage work. A marriage is a commitment, understanding, and the ability to accept the other half, and also to change for the better.

I'm not married yet, but I will be soon. And I know that there are a lot of things about me that he doesn't know despite us seeing each other almost every single day, and that applies to me too. I know things are easier said than done, but I'm trying to adjust myself to being a good fiance, then only I can be a good wife. But I'm scared as well. What if I'm not a good wife? What if I don't meet the expectations of my in laws? I have a million questions running through my mind. I don't just marry a guy, I marry the whole family, and that is a challenge I will have to face!

Our relationship's policy is honesty and everything has to be made crystal clear no matter how hurtful the truth is. And I'm glad that he knows everything that I have done in the past and vice versa. Sometimes it is scary to pour out all that you've done to someone you love, as you're worried that person might judge you. But if not now, when? And yes, we had some disagreements, but in the end, it is all in the past and there is nothing we can do to change it, isn't it? All we can do is to change, to improve and try to be better for each other.

Trust me, being honest is just the first step to everything, and the past can and will haunt you.

I told Era about the call and she told me another surprising story, someone she knew who just delivered her second baby had just been divorced! Oh God, people are really getting out of love right now.

Kakak told me that during her wedding preparation she hardly fights with Farouk, and thank God until now they only fight on small stuff like where to eat and where to hang out. She also said that it has been awhile since she had a real fight, and she's really happy with her wedding life.

I'm glad having Mr. Fiance with me through all the wedding preparations as he is someone who is easy to talk to and really tolerable. I hope the peacefulness we are experiencing during this wedding preparation will last for the whole marriage. It's only logic to fight at times, but sometimes fighting can be energy draining I would want to just forget about it and be good to each other. I hate fights, and I pray that we can always find a solution each time an issue comes up, to be able to complete each other and to be strong, be loyal, loving and caring. :)

But exams are coming soon and my mood swings are definitely gonna get the best out of me. But this time it is gonna be different, because this time I have him by my side :) I love you sayang.