For Giving and Taking Back

Smile! It irritates those who wish to destroy you.

I read this on twitter yesterday and can't stop smiling. I have people I despise, but still I can't bear seeing them sad. I wish that if I were to be happy, then they are too. I feel that most of the time, but I'm no angel. There are also times when I feel like ripping out their hearts or blinding theirs eyes, literally, yes. I do have those evil thought which will usually resolve after a nap. Told you I just love sleeping! Haha.

Anyway, my week has been productive *at last* and I'm back to my usual self. No no no, not the usual self that you would know though, I haven't been me for quite some time now. Years, I think.

I remember when I was in high school, I used to have the time of my life. Music is my life. Then there is studying. I won't mind spending a whole weekend afternoon studying a single physics chapter, and I literally do it. I don't mind staying up late to revise, and to have study groups. I'm not actually familiar with the concept of study group back then, so all I would do was study, and ask anyone who was studying with me if I don't get something. Usually it would be Adilah or Chombee. Gosh. I miss those days!

I used to have a huge craze on maggie and oldies songs. Random. But I just love eating maggie during weekends, especially those 'Maggie Goreng Perisa Asli'. We didn't have a sink in the pantry and we used to dispose the water through the window! Haha. Every night, we would have a cup of milk with biscuits. Ah, bliss!

When preparing for my PMR, we moved into a bigger campus, and we had single beds! It was awesome! As PMR candidates, we were allowed to stay up and study, but due to some unfortunate events - which included an intruder and so on - that privilege was taken away. It was purely because everyone was so concern of our safety and we decided to abide by the rules and stayed up in our dormitories accompanied by the light of the corridor. I remember turning my dorm into an oldies fan when I bought the album 'The Look of Love'. I miss singing the songs out loud with them while studying additional mathematics. Yes, we're nerds. Thank you.

I would give anything for a day back in high school, no, not the exam day please. Just a single normal day-to-day routine.

I miss my friends, the band girls, my dorm mates, my classmates, my batch. I miss being able to run to the next room to cry my heart out, to be able to confront and apologize sincerely without the need to feel that the next thing after apologizing is bad mouthing about you. And immediately. I miss Iqah and Eri and the crazy Pondot!

But we grow up, and there are some things that we eventually have to let go. I used to be scared if my best friend found a new friend, but I no longer am, as I realize that we should be able to expand our horizons. You never lose a friend, you just add more to the list :) And that's how you become happy..