That Girl

When I was young I always wanted to be the girl who can make a change. I wanted to be noticed, to be appreciated .

After years of trying, I noticed that I was not only troubling myself, I made people take me for granted. I would say things like 'I'll always be there when you need me' and I will literally get that kind of attention - only when you need me.

I thought it was okay, that everyone is like that. Before I realize that I'm doing the maximum harm to myself. Not physically, emotionally. I always wonder if I am at fault, if I am the reason for something to happen, especially when it is bad. I never think I was good enough.

I was talking to my friend the other night and what she said stunned me, " Everyone wants to be that girl Nana, even me." And it got me thinking that I am not alone in this hoping and wishing and dreaming and everything in between.

Some of you reading this might think I'm exaggerating things. Think all you want, as you might see me as a happy girl dancing and smiling all the time, but you would never understand what is happening inside my life. I'm not living a dream life where you could envy me for, I'm just living to be happy.

I wanted to be that girl that could change, but it changed me instead. And sometimes trying to satisfy hurts so much, when I know there is always something wrong, and I am never ever good enough.