I'm Here To Stay

Life is funny sometimes. When you thought that you've had it all played well, with a future you are almost certain of, comes another event that makes you question all the things you've decided in life. You wonder if this is all that it is, or that would you deserve more. And worst, you start to hope.

I've always known that you have to fight for love, to be loved

And it is not that you can't live without that person, you just choose not to.

But sometimes the funny tricks of time plays your heart for the millionth time and you think that there is no hope anymore. You just tear up without any apparent reason, trying to fill up the hole you feel with tears, so that at least it is filled up.

But your heart hurts anyway.

To Write Again

Guest Blogger

I need to write again. I don't have another outlet. A lot has happened since the last time I actually spent to write. Sometimes I don't because I can't begin, or I can't end it. It just feels incomplete, and it ends up being a draft. I think I have more drafts then my posts now. LoL

I need to be strong, need to be there, need to endure. But I really don't know the ending. Like a never ending story. I can't figure it out. I'm scared.

I'm at a junction, to proceed, to not. It really is confusing.

I read my previous blog posts, thinking how easy it used to be for me to pour out my feelings. Like really, really easy. Right now, my feelings are just jumbled up, and I don't know what exactly I'm feeling anymore.

I'm hurt. I am. I don't deny it. I have no one to talk to. No one understands, no one will.

Sometimes it feels just a little bit lonely, and that is when I feel like breaking into a million pieces, to just run away, to be far far away, where nothing can touch me, nothing will hurt me.

But I care too much. And when I care, I love. And me to love, I don't just walk away.

Someone once told me that my love is touchable, it is like a physical thing that can be felt not just by the heart, but by everything. My ex once told me that anyone would love to be loved by me. I don't know if it is true, but I know no other way to love.

I guess it is true when they say that growing up sucks. It does, big time. When I was younger, all I could care about was my knees being scrapped, or if my tummy was hungry. Now? It's like there's just a million things waiting to gobble me up, just waiting for me to fall, to fail.

Can I just wake up one day, just one day, not caring? Just one day for myself?

Of Writings and Memories

Hi. I think I haven't updated this blog in ages! Like really, where did 2014 go???? I only have a handful of posts for last year, and now it is already the 4th day of 2015! Sigh. I guess no one reads this page anymore. Oh well. Not that I write for others to read.

Why do I like writing? Because words written can be more powerful and sincere than said. Sometimes you get to shy to just say it. It also becomes a memory that you can always revisit. And that part I love the most. Revisiting, reliving old memories.

How was my 2014? It has been good. Guess what? I'm finishing my housemenship soon. In 2 weeks to be exact. Honestly, I don't really know how to feel. I'm glad, that is for sure, and most of my friends has completed theirs. So I guess it is time for me to move on. It is the uncertainties of what lies ahead that troubles me. I don't know where I will be, I don't know how it will be. I'm scared. Really...

Most of my friends are separated now. And it saddens me, knowing that I might never be able to work with them, ever. But I think with the latest social network stuff, it is not difficult to keep in touch, as long as we want to. Sigh.

Being a grown up is so difficult sometimes. I have to decide on things that used seem so simple. You tend to look back and wonder if all the decisions that I've made were right. Guess I'll never know, huh?

Anyway, I am so gonna enjoy my next two weeks!!! Wohooo...

And... I'll TRY to update as much as possible. Mostly, for myself. heeeeeee :)