Emotional Wreck

These past few months has not been easy for me. Before I was pregnant, I can hardly stand myself with my one-week-PMS-emotions, and now the emotions are here to stay for nine months!!!

I'm not grumpy or sad all the time, its just that I have a spectrum of emotions from the highest level of all to the lowest I can ever been, and worst, without any valid reasons.

Aneesah told me a few weeks ago a friend said I was more fierce than I used to be. The emotions running high in me makes me despise people that I don't like, and it is really difficult for me to hide what I feel. It'll show all over my face! So what I did was just walk away with a clenched fist ad either perform salah, have wudhu' or I'll just lie down. I've read once in a sunnah that if you're angry while standing, sit down, and if you are still angry, lie down. So I tried. Alhamdulillah I haven't burst into becoming someone I do not know or will hate in the future.

These hormones has made me weep easier than ever! Imagine I was watching 13 going on 30 and I cried! OMG that was hard. And I will just suddenly miss my family, my parents, my sisters, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and even my bestfriends out of the blue!

I've also become really-really sensitive towards the treatment and attention that my husband gives me. I admit that I am the manja type, but this pregnancy has multiplied it into a million and I will merajuk just because he replied my text with 'ok.' Without any sayang or baby in it -.-" I know, but I can't help it.

I know this emotional roller-coaster will not end once the baby is born, but a new set of emotions will come and join the crowd. And I know that I have no idea of how to handle it, but if there is one thing that I am sure is that Farid will always be there in my every step, together.

I love you sayang



For now, my emotions are literally like this in a minute!

My Toilet Story

Being pregnant is nothing without the frequency in urination. I've known that since medical school, so I thought, bring it on. Things become less fun when everyone around you keeps on feeding you with water.

I had some problem controlling the urge to run to the toilet initially then I managed to learn the "art" of doing it. Problem is, my lips are constantly chapped and it is freaking hot inside due to the heighten oestrogen levels!

I read a lot about pregnancy to understand the changes more, and it made me glad when I found out that the urge to go to the toilet will lessen once I'm in my second trimester. And at last second trimester came, the first part of it made me felt better than I ever was!

Then I start feeling 911, I need to run! Trust me it is not fun. One second you are completely fine, and the other you are running to find an empty loo. I told Farid about it and he said maybe the baby wants more space so baby kicks when te bladder enlarges. I don't find it funny tho -_______-"

There was once when we were trapped in traffic and suddenly I had to go, so we just went into the nearest shopping mall and ended up doing some shopping! That was partly funny and partly scary as well. I was so scared that I couldn't hold it in just in time, and funny because you should see a crazy woman running to the toilet in the mall! Haha.

Oh well. Now I keep myself near to the signs so that whenever I feel like it, I can just make a move :) And I do not travel during rush hour!

For now, if you can't find me, I'll be here...

A Dress For The Big Lady

So my sister-in-law is getting married in May, and I have no idea what I should wear. For one thing, I have no idea how big or how small I will be when the day comes, given that baby has definitely grown a milestone from today to then.

Farid has already gotten his material for the baju melayu and I am still clueless. Up to yesterday, I can still fit in my kurung modern with a slight feeling of discomfort due to the position of the getah, but we're talking about May and I'm gonna be reaching my third trimester by then.

People keep on telling me that I am small when I am dying to see my baby bump. Haha. But I guess it is okay since this not-so-big tummy avoids me from being breathless and able to jump here and there during my shifts.

I have also started to enjoy this new posting more. I think my baby is giving good vibes, or kesian vibes to the people around me making them rather calm and collected. Alhamdulillah. I am so proud of him/her.

So yea, back to my dressing issues, maybe I should settle with a nice kaftan of a maxi dress, I have no idea. Will turn to my tailor to tell me what to do! Haha

Exactly Like Me

So yesterday we had our next appointment to see my baby. It has been one month since my last appointment and I really-really miss to see that small heartbeat again!

The appointment was supposed to be on Monday, but due some meeting I had to postpone it to yesterday. So after I finished my night duty I immediately went to the hospital to be able to get the first few in the row!!!

At about 9.30 my name was called and Farid and I walked into the room with a heart full of joy! After a small chat regarding my wellbeings, she brought me to the scan table to see my baby.

Guess what? My baby was laying down crossed legged with one hand over the head! Just like I used to sleep (before I got married) and baby is growing just fine despite my weight coming downscale. The doctor even said that it is okay to be losing weight as long as baby is growing well, surprisingly it is!!! I can see the long femur bone, and also the well developed head, tummy and other gross structures. With my not-too-big-yet tummy, it is a wonder how this little one managed to grow inside me, Subhanallah!

For now we're not able to tell the gender yet as baby was sitting crossed-legged and the umbilical cord was actually in between. I hope we will get to know during the next appointment! Hehe.

Things I Think About Nowadays

Le sigh .......

Here We Go

Second trimester is finally here :) I couldn't tell if my tiredness is getting any better as for the past week I've been working non-stop from 7-10 daily. Even a non-pregnant person would be exhausted!!

But one thing that is making me happy for sure, I can eat without throwing up anymore, if i eat on time. Sometimes I get the burping when my tummy is too empty and I'm worried if what I eat would just be thrown down the drain. But for the past few weeks it has been good, though I only manage to have a complete decent meal only once a day.

Sometimes when I think about my baby, I'm glad to have him/her with me right now. I feel like there is always someone accompanying me and I believe that this baby will be the toughest, strongest and most reliable child ever, as he/she has been with me through the worst days of my life. And for that, I'm proud of him/her for hanging in there :)

I haven't get to feel my baby kick yet, but I know that it will come soon :)

One thing that I'm worried about is my weight. I can't seem to maintain a decent weight since the beginning of my pregnancy, and I hope this trimester that will change.

Am off today :) spending time with Farid, and shopping. Hehe.

So second trimester, please be nice like what most people tell me :) I know I can count on you!