Once Upon A Lifetime

Azura

2012-02-09T19:36:00.005+08:00

A. M. A. Z. I. N. G

Was the only thing I could say as I walked out the cinema hall. Given that this is Neelofa's first movie, that word can't even describe half of it!!

You know when you watch a movie and you kinda have the feeling like the hero and heroin are really in love, and that you would die to see them come together in real life? That is how real it felt, the love between Azura and Zack.

Azura 2012 is a different movie from the previous Azura. I would ask the viewers not to compare these two as both of it has their own stand in the eye of the film maker. What I can say about Azura 2012 is that it has a fresh approach to the movie, combining parts that are most important to be instilled in a remake and combining it with what we can relate here nowadays.

Azura is about a girl raised by her aunt after the death of her parents, trying to pay her way through college, and she meets a guy, who is rich and spoiled. And the journey of their story begins there.

This is not just about a story of love, it is a story about trust, promises and faith. And most importantly, change. It portrays how one can change, if he or she desires.

This is the trailer of the movie, and I feel really bad for not being able to watch it on its release date as I was in Kelantan. But the chance to watch it with Neelofa herself made the wait worth it :)

Well I met Lofa before the movie started but we had to had our chat down at the parking lot as the fans were really excited to see her and that they wouldn't want to miss the chance they have to take pictures with her :)

It feels good to be able to see her again though it was just a small chat. She was exhausted as she works from 7am to 11pm daily and has another shooting the following day!! Oh well, she's young and energetic, so this is definitely the time to aim high!!! As for me, I am definitely gonna watch Azura again. I'm loving the acting and the soundtrack!! And no, I am not just saying this because she's my friend. Watch it yourself, and judge :)

To miss Neelofa, congrats dearest for your first movie :) I will always be supporting you!!

I would also like to wish Happy 23rd Birthday dear Neelofa :)

May all your wishes and dreams come true!

Love you to bits!!

Saying Yes

2012-02-05T13:45:00.003+08:00

I said yes.

Now that everything is official and set into place, I can finally announce it...

I'm getting MARRIED, insyaAllah :)

Just a few months ago, Farid and I were chatting and he said, 'In a few months things will be different, would you want to be with me and face all the changes together?'

I somehow knew it was coming, with kakak's wedding fairly after her final examinations, but there is always something in me which made all this commitment scary.

It wasn't as romantic as I pictured it would be as a child, no fireworks, no jets or hundreds of flowers, just a simple ring, and a question.

I looked into this eyes and wondered if I am ready to be with this man for the rest of my life, to have and to hold through thick and thin, and I realize, I love him, and much more.

Our relationship was barely a year old when he proposed, and he told his parents about the idea. So when my parents came back for their holidays, and they met each other. Everything was set. And I can't be any happier.

I know I haven't shared much about Farid before. My love life has been a roller coaster ride, with a lot of emotions involved, heartaches and tears, and also joy and laughter. But what I'm sure is that I am happy to finally find someone who can understand me, to be by my side in my worst state and to love me despite my monthly mood swings :P

And with all my heart, I love him too :)

We've been setting the dates, the venue, the color scheme, the dresses, bridesmaids and everything during this one month holidays, and I'm grateful I've got everything in order before school starts next week. I know it is not an easy task, but watching my aunt plan almost 10 weddings before me kept me on track.

I've got my budget list checked and rechecked, list of to-do's and necessities done. I'm practically all set for a wedding. :) Will update on how it goes, definitely.

Pray that everything runs smoothly, and that I will be able to endure the stress of all bride-to-be's better :) Ameen.

The Racing World

2012-02-04T20:17:00.003+08:00

The world is a race.

That is what we learn since we were born, or even before. Since young, we were trained to survive, to live and to be able to held our heads up high.

With the fast world ahead us, sometimes we forget the small things in life that matters most, like family, friends, laughter and tears.

It is Maulidur Rasul tomorrow, the birth of the final prophet, Muhammad SAW. Let us all take a moment to reflect on the years that has pass us by, years, times we could never get back, seconds gone, leaving us with uncertainties of tomorrow.

Sometimes I wonder what would it be if I were to live back then? What would The Prophet say if I went to him consulting my problems?

But I believe he has left enough for us muslims to live our life, and great guidance - The Holy Quran and his Sunnah.

In this racing world, I miss you, ya Rasulullah, hoping that somehow someday I would be able to see your face and understand Islam like you. In this racing world, I wish to be better, for my family and everyone who loves me. In this racing world, I wish to live by your guidance, and be a better muslim, insyaAllah.

Salam Maulidur Rasul.

My January

2012-01-24T12:09:00.002+08:00

This is my second post of the year!! Hello January. I know it has been ages since I've updated my blog. With my second professional exams earlier this month and a massive trip after, I hardly have any time to come online and write.

So how has January been? I would classify is as wonderful. My new year's eve was filled with books and notes with my dearest, and hearing the sounds of fireworks from the lakeside.

Then on the 6th, we had our first paper. Remember adik's knee?? That she fell down and her knee was injured, BAD! She had her arthroscopy on the 6th as well!!! The scope has been delayed for months as she was going to have her SPM. Now since everything is done, she's all ready for ther mini surgery. I felt really bad not being able to be there, but since I was having holidays later, I decided to travel to Johor later after I finished my exams.

Adik is always so manja, so I was worried when she complained about pain. But then kakak assured me that adik's condition was going to be better, so I felt much better. Even Mak Lang and Pak Lang said that the pain will go away day by day. And eventually everything went well for her :)

As for my exams, no words could express how I felt to have it over, and to pass it. But we couldn't celebrate as there were some friends who didn't make it. Don't worry friends, I believe that all of you will do well in the re-sit and that we will all be able to enter the final semester together. My prayers will always be will all of you...

So yea, that's all for my exams section. :P Another 10% and me and my friends will be doctors, InsyaAllah... Please pray for all of us, may us pass through smoothly.

After the exams I went down to Johor to visit adik and kakak. It was great!! Haha. And on Monday, I went to Universal Studios Singapore with Farid, Didi, Chia and Chia Jr. :P. Hhehe. Was super fun though I felt slightly bad for leaving adik behind. But she can't really go and play around, can she? So I promised to bring her to USS once her leg is strong enough. We spent two nights in Singapore which is definitely NOT ENOUGH and are DEFINITELY COMING BACK SOON!!! Haha. Need to spend the night with my adorable cousin Shafik more often and to dig our secrets too!!!

I went to Shah Alam for a wedding and Melaka to visit my grandma, all in one week. Hectic, huh?? But I had super fun.

Now I'm back home in Kelantan after AGES. And it's really good :) to be able to laze around doing nothing. Heeeeeee....

One week left in January and I've got my whole week planned. Can't tell you now, but it's awesome!! And exciting too :) hehe. Me? I'm super excited! Will update soon!!

Ps: Can't update the photos in USS as they're with Farid. Later, perhaps?

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY DEAREST SHAZREEN ZUHAIRA FOR YOUR ENGAGEMENT. LOVE YOU LOADS HONEY :)

H. O. L. I. D. A. Y.

2012-01-18T10:19:00.002+08:00

Yup, I've finished my exams, and I have like a thousand things to tell!!! :)

Now I'm at Pak Lang's house in Singapore with my cousins. But Shafik is on duty today (sadly) so I would have to wait for Mak Lang to come home, then we'll be going out. Shafik's free tomorrow tho (such a killjoy, I know) but tomorrow I'll be heading back to Johor, then to KL. So yea.

I'm grateful for this holidays and will be entering semester 10 with a fresh spirit :)

Final semester, only one more to go till I graduate. Time does fly :)

Online Kissing

2011-12-31T20:09:00.001+08:00

Because it makes my day seeing your little smile :)

And boosts my study mood!

Heee

At This Very Moment

2011-12-29T01:29:00.001+08:00

I miss you... All of you. :'(

With Time

2011-12-28T01:29:00.001+08:00

... You learn to grow up, or time doesn't wait for you. To mature and be responsible for mistakes you've made and words you've said. And you learn that nothing can't be fixed.

With time you learn to forgive those who you thought were unforgivable, those who have have hurt you deeply, torn your heart into peaces and just move on as the hatred does not matter anymore.

With time you learn that some things are not worth it and that it is to let go, that it will only hold you back in life, while others are sketching their path towards success. You learn that letting go will free you from a million sufferings, and grant you a million blessings.

With time you learn that while others mature and be more responsible, some just stay the same, unchanged. And these are the people who will hold you back in life. Those who are scared to explore the wonders of the world, to be so comfortable in their tiny zone, which will one day need to be expanded.

With time you learn to forgive without an apology and to love unconditionally. You try to sleep each night forgiving every single person who did you wrong and try to love them instead. And you try to see the differences in other people, the variability and the pressure.

With time, anything can happen, and dreams can come true.

With time.

Of Stress

2011-12-26T08:02:00.001+08:00

So, professional exam is just around the corner, well perhaps closer than that and the stress is building inside. Not just that this paper can ask you anything from year one, but it also determines if you proceed to the final semester or not.

Trying not to be all teary like I always do during exams, I find my own comfort in my friends and family, and not to forget lecturers as well!!!

Last week was our first week of study leave and we had a whole week of revision classes which started from 8am to 8pm! Exhausting? Definitely!!!!

So on Friday we decided to take the night off and went for a stress relief session at Tony Roma's. Lol. That was so much fun! Followed by Ali and Aina's wedding on Saturday and facetimes + skypes with my family, I'm all motivated and inspired to study. Hope this lasts! Wish me luck!!!!!

Thank You

2011-12-22T03:18:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we tend to complain and find fault in our daily lives till we forget to be thankful.

Life is full of challenges, only to make you a better person.

Thank you, for all the things You have given me, as there is nothing else that I could ask for. I'm glad to be where I am right now, no regrets, and I've found my answer.

Exam is coming. Do pray for me and all of my friends :) May all of us get through this together!

Finally :)

2011-12-20T01:20:00.001+08:00

My sister and brother-in-law's convocation day! :)

Everyone was here so it was really fun!

And now I'm left all alone, again :(

Congratulations to two of the most important people in my life. Love both of you, always!

Because It Is Lonely

2011-12-14T18:23:00.002+08:00

To be all by yourself

So you opt to linger around, hoping that someone will pick you up from the dirt

And wipe the tears away.

But it doesn't happen, and all that is left for you is yourself.

I was talking to a friend recently, and he just got married. Not to the girl he loved, but to someone he knew just a few months, and decided to tie the knot. I'm not saying that you can't get to know your soul-mate in a blink of an eye, but I've known this guy for a long time, and I know he's not the type that would jump into big things like this.

So I asked him, what changed his mind, and he looked into my eyes and said,

"Nana, I've been in love, and out of love. I've loved a girl that cheated on me, and I've loved a girl that can never love me back the way I love her. I'm not tall dark and handsome, and I can't get any girl that I want. And if you say I am settling, yes I am, with a girl, a woman who I know can take care of me, and love me. Do I love her? Love can grow with time, can be nourished with care and tenderness. I'm not getting any younger, and I need to settle down, and I hope, as a good friend you can be supportive with my decision and pray for my happiness till eternity."

I wanted to cry, but I held the tears and smiled. And I vowed to pray for his happiness, forever.

Love is mysterious. It might come knocking on your heart's door when you least expect it to, and it leaves you wounded, so severe that nothing can make a broken heart the way it was ever again.

True love is to wake up beside the person you spend forever with and thanking God for that one face that makes you smile.

Some people are lucky to find it, and some are not.

But love is not just between lovers, it can be between friends and family.

And I wish for all the love in the world be with everyone that I know =)

I love you

Ombak Rindu

2011-12-06T18:24:00.003+08:00

Just mention this title to anyone from my secondary school and everyone will know what it is about. I remember reading this novel after my PMR exams at school, when everyone was changing story books and games. It has been.. what? 8 years? since I finished my PMR. Or maybe slightly less. I'm bad in time, you know :P

Great stories make great movies. I agree. But sometimes the movie itself, the actors in it, the script and everything needs to go hand in hand in order to make a great movie.

When I found out that Maya Karin was going to be Izzah, and Aaron Aziz is Hariz, I was almost certain that this will be a movie filled with tears. I love Maya Karin's acting, and also Aaron Aziz (since I watched him act in Nora Elena).

So last Saturday, I went to Alamanda to get some stuff and bought movie tickets for Ombak Rindu in advanced. You'd be surprised how fast this movie is selling out tickets!!! Thank God for E-buying, I managed to get good seats :)

Ombak Rindu is about Izzah, a girl from a village who was sold to some club night by her uncle who hates her and was bought by Hariz. She insisted to be his wife and he agreed, then they fell in love. This movie is complicated with the presence of Mila (Lisa Surihani), Hariz's childhood sweetheart who has had a crush on him since forever and that they were supposed to get married!

I think that sums it all for the synopsis :)

Maya did a GREAT job being Izzah. By the end of the movie, there is no single dry eye. And Hariz's character was developed well. I just can't get over Maya's expression throughout the movie, she was really feeling it, and what she felt, we, the audience felt too.

This is a two hour movie that makes you appreciate people that you love and care, and show you how bad life can be. Yes, it is fictional, and the characters are not real, but it does somehow gives an impact to you. This movie also shows that someone can change, from a playboy who simply sleeps with any girl to a loyal lover and a responsible husband.

From what I gather from the media, Maya was shooting this film when she was facing difficulties in her marriage. She claimed that it was easy to sink into Izzah's emotions, and that she realized that there are more unfortunate people, and that by being Izzah, she learns how to be strong for herself. Everyone longs for that happy ending, but not everyone finds them. You could still be together without love, so separated, divorced, or you could just be longing to be loved by someone who you can never have. There's a million types of love stories in this world. And a million more filled with tears.

So yes, I highly recommend EVERYONE to watch this movie!!! :) I want to watch it again, but I can't since I'm having exams, exactly one month from now.

And yes, another awesome movie to watch is Puss in Boots :) Watched it on Thursday and you'll definitely get muscle cramps for laughing too much :P

This is the soundtrack from Ombak Rindu. I've heard it before I watched the movie but after watching it, I can't get enough of replays!!!!

and also this song by Hafiz. So sweet!

Disappointment, For the Love of Music

2011-11-27T23:21:00.001+08:00

I LOVE singing, though I know I don't have an angelic voice. I sing to entertain myself or just simply.

I have been to a lot of karaoke centres, KTV, Redbox, Superstar, you name it. It is hard for me to say no even if i have just been karaoke-ing the previous night.

Due to my love in karaoke, when an offer came for just RM40 for 4 people for 3 hours, I had to purchase the Groupon. It was at Facekara, at Viva Homes. I've never been to Viva Homes, but all my previous experiences were awesome, so I thought, why not?

And yes, I think you figured that it was a total disappointment. Why?

1. I called to book on Thursday for the midnight session from 11pm to 2am, and the person said that he had our rooms booked. He also told us that we have 2 complementary snacks and 2 complementary tidbits which could be changed to whatever say 3 tidbits or 4 snacks or whatever. Snacks in Redbox means chicken wings and those sort, so I was looking forward to change all my tidbits into snacks. Upon arrival we were told that we couldn't do that. I didn't wanna argue much, so I just walked into our room.

2. When Era was singing Siti Nurhaliza's Sendiri, suddenly the electricity went out! Imagine that. Thank goodness they had some backup so the lights were up in no time, but their computer system crashed. Era had to leave by 1 so she couldn't continue singing which was really sad since it has been a while since I went out with her. We spent almost 45minutes waiting for the system to reboot or something, and we were told that we were granted another hour. And all that we had was just another bowl of chips -.-" Honestly, the least you could do is give everyone another round of drinks or something.

3. So our 3 hour karaoke which should end at 2 was postponed to 3, or so we thought. At 1.45am our screen went blank. I went to the main counter and complained, thank goodness she gave us another extra hour. I mean seriously, our original time hasn't ended, what more the extra time given. I was rather pissed, but I decided to just keep quiet.

4. Previously, in other karaoke centers, even if you time is up and you are still singing they will allow you to finish up the song. But Chia was singing and the screen went blank and we were like -.-"

5. The juice and carbonated drinks are RM2, but the mineral water is RM6! And there is nothing special about it, AT ALL

So we were walking to the car when the 6th incident happen

6. The guard locked ALL the doors to the parkings!!! I mean seriously, as a guard working for that particular building, don't you know that there is a karaoke centre which closes at 3 on the weekends. And worst, he was like, "why aren't you guys back?" and all I did was give him "the look" as I did not have the energy to reply.

So, I made a conclusion that i will NEVER go there again. Alamanda's karaoke is way better, and even the karaoke stalls are 3000% better! I just spent 4 hours wasting my time there. But oh well, I did enjoyed a few song selections.

Ps: the actual price for that place is RN179! Imagine wasting THAT much money.... -.-"

Just That Moment

2011-11-25T15:28:00.001+08:00

Reminds me of that small boy I encountered.

Rest in peace love :')

I'm still trying to be strong in facing death, though I know I can never be strong enough. O God help me, I need guidance.

For Everything I Have Been Through

2011-11-14T23:07:00.001+08:00

I spent the weekend at Mama's since adik and Aty was going to start their first paper of SPM on Monday. Seeing them study and all, makes me miss my times in high school, everything that happened, my friends, my teachers, my friends from outside school and those who made my high school life bearable.

It has been almost six years since I finished my SPM. Time does fly, and when I think about it, it is as if I can see that whatever happened, happens for a reason. Things that I was so devastated about in the past, that would make me cry for days seemed like the things that made me stronger each day.

Almost five years ago I gave up my dream of studying abroad and went to a local medical college due to some unavoidable circumstances. Only God knows how sad I was then. Studying abroad was my childhood dream, I wanted to go back to where I grew up, simply as I never felt like I have ever fit in here. I don't have any friends there, nor was I ever in touch with any of my school mates then, but I wanted to be there so badly.

Since I was in primary school, I had the feeling of not belonging. My thinking was different, my acts were different. Going through high school was a roller coaster ride and I found my best friends there. But that was it. After we finished our SPM, we went our own ways. Though we still met up for dinners and slumber sessions, but things will never be the same. I can't just run to them when I was sad and we are now busy with our own obligations and responsibilities.

University life was totally different than anything, though come to think about it, it was just a mixture of people not able to let go of their childhood and those who thinks their too cool for school and a rare bunch of normal kids. Me? I'm the outcast. I never felt like I would ever fit in, though I tried. And in the end people just look at me like I'm faking it, and I decided to exclude myself from anything that could bring harm to my emotions anymore. Trying to fit in, just to be excepted is exhausting, and in the end I'm just never good enough and I know it. I stay close to the people who I know will be there for me, and I thank God I have found a handful of saviors.

Anyway, I went through my first two years of medical school quite okay. I can tell for one thing that I was no longer the nerd I used to be. Maybe deep inside I was rebelling, and all I thought was that I just wanted to pass everything and get through with it. I stayed with my older sister though we didn't really talk much. Not that we were not close, she was too busy as she has just entered her clinical years and I was barely awake each time she got home.

As I entered my third year, my life turned 180 degrees. Adik went to a boarding school, in a campus where I once was, and trust me she was not easy to handle. The first NINE months that she was there was spent on the phone crying her heart out, telling me that she wants to quit. My parents are not around and I had no idea what to do. All I could do was to talk to her and calm her down.

But what she did affected everything, my emotions, my studies and my time. I'm not a parent, and I have no idea of how to console a crying child in a boarding school. I wouldn't say that boarding school to me was all flowers and butterflies, but I'm sure I didn't call my parents crying my heart out. I distanced from friends who tried to help me as I was mad if they got mad at me for always entertaining adik's emotional blast and in the end I was cranky most of the time. All I wanted was someone to talk to and no one was there. I hate it when they question my actions in such an accusing manner, I hate it that the only person that I used to talk to was thousands of miles apart and that I couldn't reach to, I hate it that I was to blame if anything went wrong when I have poured my heart and soul into it, and I hate it when I was accused of being irresponsible and pampering.

But every dark cloud has its silver lining. Apart from me being an emotional wreck and depressed most of the time, and apart from not concentrating in class and jeopardizing my studies, what happened brought us, kakak, adik and I closer together. Not that we were not close before, but we became inseparable. I learn the qualities of parenting (single parent, mind you) and how to tolerate with stress. In the end, I think I became a better sister. I learned to listen to adik's problem and helped solving them, I learned to be patient and generous, I learned to divide my time between my own luxury, my studies and my family.

When I realize that adik is ending her school days soon, I get really emotional. My baby sister is finally a grown up, and I hope that we will be close like this forever.

My life has not been all happy. I lost a lot of things along the way, mainly my dreams and my first love. Yet I gained a lot as well. Sometimes when we are denied from something that we want, we will always find ways to blame and point fingers without realizing there are a million other better things waiting for us to reveal. I'm still learning to be satisfied with all that I have, and I know that if I work hard enough, someday my dreams will come true. And if it does not, then it is just not meant to be and there is something better stored for me, someday :)

I really hope adik does well in her exams. I'm just like a proud parent :P

Best Friends Forever

2011-11-13T20:58:00.001+08:00

As promised, this is my book review for the book I bought in the Big Bad Wolf Booksale.

Best Friends Forever, by Jennifer Weiner. What made me bought the book in the first place was because I've read In Her Shoes which was also written by her, and yes, the cover was attractive :p And I did read the synopsis first mind you!

So this book revolves around Adelaide Downs, an overweight girl whose life changed drastically with the presence of a new girl in her small town in Illinois - Valerie Alder. Their friendship grew stronger each day till one incident at high school brought them apart.

Fifteen years of silent treatment between the two best friends, Addie, who has lost so much weight, enough to be considered normal, heard a knock on her door. It was indeed unusual, but she had a feeling that she knew the person behind that door, her long lost friend, Val.

This story is about trying to make it right for the lost times, when things are not always what it seemed. It shows that some people may superficially look happy, that they are content and pleased with their life when actually on the inside they are hurting.

Sometimes in life we don't really know what we want and we tend to make the wrong decisions, and everything comes with a price. Some things get better, some just let the feud go on forever. It all depends on you. Some even take time, years to be repaired.

This story shows the value of friendship, the way a girl will never say no to her best friend even though she knows that it means bad news, even if her best friend has hurt her so much in the past. And it takes only communication to understand, to really understand what lies beneath beautiful clothes or a pretty face.

This book also has a value of mystery on its own. You would go on wondering what happened to Addie and Val as their childhood flashbacks shows two happy girls, the comes the contrast of Val's personality and everything.

This book is also about loneliness felt by a girl who lost everything so fast - first her best friend, then the world despised her, then the sudden death of her father followed by her mother suffering from cancer. And this girl had no one left for her as her brother is mentally ill after a fatal accident almost took his life. She was left with nothing.

In a nutshell, this book is about acceptance, to accept who you are, to accept and have peace with the past and to accept that it is time to move on.

I didn't really finish this book overnight. I was disciplined enough not to let this book interfere with my studies or anything, but is was a good read :)

That Girl

2011-11-13T11:31:00.001+08:00

When I was young I always wanted to be the girl who can make a change. I wanted to be noticed, to be appreciated .

After years of trying, I noticed that I was not only troubling myself, I made people take me for granted. I would say things like 'I'll always be there when you need me' and I will literally get that kind of attention - only when you need me.

I thought it was okay, that everyone is like that. Before I realize that I'm doing the maximum harm to myself. Not physically, emotionally. I always wonder if I am at fault, if I am the reason for something to happen, especially when it is bad. I never think I was good enough.

I was talking to my friend the other night and what she said stunned me, " Everyone wants to be that girl Nana, even me." And it got me thinking that I am not alone in this hoping and wishing and dreaming and everything in between.

Some of you reading this might think I'm exaggerating things. Think all you want, as you might see me as a happy girl dancing and smiling all the time, but you would never understand what is happening inside my life. I'm not living a dream life where you could envy me for, I'm just living to be happy.

I wanted to be that girl that could change, but it changed me instead. And sometimes trying to satisfy hurts so much, when I know there is always something wrong, and I am never ever good enough.

When Nothing Is Left But Sorry

2011-11-10T00:59:00.003+08:00

Chuck:

I'm sorry, for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed you

I'm sorry for not waiting longer in the Empire State Building

I'm sorry for trading you like property

I'm sorry, I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did

Most of all I'm sorry that I gave up on us, and you never did

You're always there for the people you love, even when they don't deserve it

They say every road comes to an end, but sometimes the end feels just like the beginning

Watched Gossip Girl today and cried. :(

Maybe all you need is the ability to forgive yourself.

Sometimes I wonder if two people are meant to be together, what does it actually mean? Is it just a feeling, an instinct, prediction, a dream? Could we be so blinded?

Time passes you by no matter what you do. What does never too late means, when you can't get there at all?

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do

Of Lost

2011-11-07T23:32:00.003+08:00

We seldom remember that all we have now is temporary, and that one day everything will be taken away, just like that. At that point in time, all we've done through all the years would seem insignificant, and that we are heading to somewhere greater.

Yet the small things in life influences our life the most. We would be searching for our phones like mad if we noticed it missing even for 5 minutes, wondering if we missed any calls or messages, we would shop for pretty clothing and bags and shoes. Sometimes we even postpone our prayers during our times in the shopping mall.

Today we receive bad news - a lecturer just passed away.

He suffered from metastasized malignancy, and after going through a lot - chemotherapy and all, he finally breathed his last breath earlier today.

Al-Fatihah

He was the head of department when I did my first clinical posting, Community Medicine, and trust me he was so tough on us. We hardly get enough rest! I remember staying up till 4am and presenting for 3 hours the following day. We even stayed up all night to finish up our presentation.

Looking back to those days, I believe it has made me and my group mates stronger, and closer bonded to each other. He was just teaching us to be tough, and not to whine and simply give up.

A great lecturer? Indeed.

I haven't had the luxury to see him much after the posting, and each time my friends went to his house I had something else planned with my family, and now I know it is too late to regret, but I wished I could see him for one last time.

It is weird to miss him this much, but I do miss him.

He was influential, dedicated and helpful. And he was always there.

Prof Bakar, I pray that you will be placed among the Believers, and insyaAllah I will always remember your advice =') Thank you for everything.

If I could, I would like to make amends to everyone I encounter in life. I don't know if I would ever live to see another day, or if I'll die in my sleep. And in the end, it doesn't matter who is at fault. All I would want to say to everyone is that I'm sorry, and thank you for being a great addition to the colours of my life.

You Had Me at Hello

2011-11-01T19:32:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday I went back to Mama’s immediately after Dr. Shu’s Saturday class as I thought I had to babysit the two exam-to-be girls at home. So it happens that mama decided not to go back to Melaka and the two girls went to their SPM study group (I didn’t have one then :P)

Anyway, I was homealone that evening since everyone had errands to run and I was carless. Huhu. So I browsed the TV and stopped at an epic love story – Jerry Maguire.

Remember this quote? Here, let me remind you the scene…

I can’t find the clip of what happened before that. But let me remind you about the story.

Jerry married Dorothy as he can’t be alone, and he knew that Dorothy will support him no matter what. Did he love her? Well, maybe?

Then he became so absorbed in his work life that he started to abandon Dorothy and her son, leaving her even emptier than she already was, being again, the oldest 26 year old girl alive. That night their talk at the lawn..

Dorothy: I took advantage of you and worst of all, I'm not alone. I did this with a kid. I was just on some ride where I thought I was in 1ove enough for both of us. I did this. And at least I can do something about it now.

Jerry: Well -- I'm not the guy who's going to run. I stick.

Dorothy: I don't need you to "stick."

Jerry: What do you want from me? My soul?

Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry: What if I'm just not built that way?

Dorothy: I think we made a mistake here.

Jerry: What if it's true? "Great at friendship bad at intimacy." I mean, come on. It's the theme of my bachelor party film --

Dorothy: I know. I watched it. I sort of know it by heart.

Jerry: I don't like to give up.

Dorothy: Oh please. My need to make the best of things, and your need to be what, "responsible"... if one of us doesn't say something now we might lose ten years being polite about it. Why don't we call this next road trip what it is. A nice long break.

Jerry: What about Ray?

Dorothy: There's no question you'll be friends. Of course you'll be friends.

Jerry: So this break... is a break-up.

Dorothy: Come on, Jerry. You know this isn't easy for me. I mean, on the surface, you'd almost think everything was fine. See, I've got this great guy who loves my kid -- and he sure does like me a lot. I can't live that way. It's not the way I'm built.

I know for a fact that it is difficult to say goodbye to that one person you love, that in the end no matter what you do you will always turn back to them, and accept them just the way they are. Because THAT is how girls, women are built.

Sometimes guys take what we take too seriously, like when we say it is over, all we want is for you guys to say that it is not, that you want to make it right, to make it better.

If you don’t say so, she’ll wait for a while, then she’ll meet someone who can treat her better, and someone who can SHOW her that she is loved. It is definitely not fair to expect to be loved when you don’t love in return, is it?

Maybe you’re mad at her, so ignore her for a while, but don’t shut her off and make her think that you just don’t effin’ care, because she does. And for the millionth time, when she says ‘Give me time’, it means you just give her SOME time, not FOREVER. If you want her, she will definitely want you back.

I know the mind of a lady is as complex as they way she chooses the dress she wants to wear every single day. We are meant to be like that, and sorry, we can’t help it. Sometimes we just blurt things out without thinking. Sometimes we overthink things, and we care for the smallest details. Personally I know it’s not easy to understand all this, as sometimes I also feel that my feelings are taking over my mind. Emotionally driven? Definitely!

Well, in Jerry Maguire, Jerry came back. And he said a lot of things, what he didn’t know was he had already had her heart back with hello.

Is it that simple? Trust me, it is.

Just don’t let time wear off what she feels, and make her think that you don’t care when you do, that’s all.

Honestly, Jerry Maguire is one of my favourite love stories of all time. It reminds me of my high school days when we would cramp the recreation room just to watch it J

When Time Is Never Enough

2011-10-30T23:09:00.003+08:00

So on Friday I went to watch this movie by Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried, In Time.

I had no idea what the movie was about actually. I saw the poster one day in Alamanda and thought, "I'm gonna watch this" With JT and Amanda, I don't care how the movie is :P

So I bought the 1015pm ticket online after our evening class with Dr. Rafizi.

In Time is about a time way in the distant future where everything is not about money anymore, everything is about time. This movie portrays how some people live their day to day lives trying to earn to be able to see tomorrow, while some of them don't even have to glance at their 'bodywatch'

In the future, humans will be genetically engineered to stop ageing at the age of 25, then your clock starts ticking. You will have exactly one year (if you don't spend it at all) to live. Everything you buy, you have to pay with time. If now we have the 99cent shop, there they have the 99seconds shop!

Then there's action, and romance, and tears.

Its a new movie in the cinemas so I wouldn't want to spoil it so much here :P

But in this movie, it shows you the reality of life. Where people will kill just to live longer. In the end, will it bring any difference if you could live for another million years when all you do is bring pain to others?

Quoting, 'Is it stealing when it is already stolen?'

Anyway, I enjoyed the movie :) JT is H.O.T. Hahahah. And I think Amanda looks, different. Not really the innocent look she portrayed in Mamma Mia or Letters to Juliet. But I enjoyed this new character of her.

Watch it!!!

oh, I'm done with my first novel. Will tell you about it soon :)

Of Romance & Novels

2011-10-26T22:21:00.003+08:00

I have always enjoyed reading. When I was a little girl, my mummy would tuck me in bed, me on one side and kakak on the other, and she would read us stories. My favourite one was BabaYaga. It was about a witch who married a guy with a daughter and something happened. LoL. Honestly I think I was never awake long enough to listen to the whole story. As I grew older, I often read before going to bed, though sometimes I would end up not sleeping at all.

During high school, especially after PMR, I read A LOT of books. From Malay novels like Ombak Rindu, to Pride and Prejudice, to A Walk To Remember.

When I enrolled into medical school, the only novel I remember reading was A Child Called It and the books related to it. Then we got busy :( And books are not cheap anyway, so need to choose really carefully before purchasing one.

A few weeks ago (I should've blogged about this earlier, I know) there was a book fair in UPM - The Big Bad Wolf Booksale, and it was AWESOME! Books are as cheap as RM8 for novels regardless hardcover or paperback, and those books like WAR and WORK ranges from RM20-RM60. The most expensive book in the booksale was The World Atlas - RM60!!

And yes, as expected I went crazy in the hall. I bought 12 novels for myself, sticker and playbooks for Sara and Mika :)

I think I've grown out of the phase where I would want to read romance novels all the time, though I did bought Meg Cabot's Size Doesn't Matter. My choice of books this time is more matured, and more towards life and things like that. Somehow I don't opt for love stories anymore, and I don't know why. Maybe living in reality is better than reading those mushy stories and comparing them with your own life. Life is not a novel, and without you realizing it your life is actually better than that! :)

So I started to read my first novel. Will give you a review about it once I'm done. It has been almost 2 weeks and I'm not even done with the first book yet as I'm trying to discipline myself to not spend too much time on reading non-educational stuff. Oh well :P

I think Malaysians do read. I saw a huge crowd in the hall, and all of them carrying not less than 5 books. I think the fact that books are expensive in Malaysia is among the factors our people don't read, or can't read as much. Most books sold for RM8 are usually at least RM34 in stores here!!!

I think they should do this kind of booksale more often :) and it would make my whole year!!!

But When I Cry

2011-10-12T23:51:00.001+08:00

I cry alone.

Maybe that's the best, for everyone.

I've tried being strong for every single person I care and love.

And sometimes I just feel like it is my time to break down.

Stop trying to understand me.
Stop trying to feel sorry.
Stop trying to prove that things will turn out to be fine

I can heal my own heart with time
And I'll stand up again

Though it may be a bit scattered
But I know I'll make it somehow

So stay, if you want to stay
And leave if you think it is the best for you
Don't think about me

I'll have my smile back on
And sing my favourite song
So none of you would ever know
The cuts and bruises I have

Cute! =)

2011-10-10T17:52:00.002+08:00

I skyped with Sara yesterday. She was unwell for a week, and now she's back on track! How she replied me was so cute!

Me: Sara, you can't eat ice cream or drink any cold drinks, okay?

Sara: Okay, I am learning to pour hot water by myself

Me: Good, but you will have to be careful okay?

Sara: I will be careful *smiling*

Me: If it is difficult, ask mummy to help you

Sara: If you are here, you can help me, isn't it Aunty Nana? *batting eyelashes*

oh God I miss her SO much!

Then she read me a book - how to grow a pumpkin

Sara: .... reading.... Then when you are here we can grow them together and make a nice lantern. I miss you. When are you coming back??

Before I hung up

Me: I need to go now, tomorrow I have school and I need to sleep. I'll skype with you again next week.

Sara: Okay, make sure you come back and talk to me again. I want to continue playing doctors

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sara: A nurse!

Hahahahah. Cute right?

Sigh, I really miss her. And I hope she'll be well. Autumn is approaching, and then winter. I wish I could go to her whenever I want to, but that won't be possible. For now, seeing her on skype is among the best times of my week =) Love you dear.

Anyway, on Saturday I went to Adik's Malam Gemala Puteri at Mandarin Oriental. Aty and I wore the suit we made for Kakak's engagement, so we look the same! Haha. I'll upload the pictures once I get it ok?

I miss high school. It was different then. If only, I can turn back time. Sigh.

A Quote

2011-10-07T00:16:00.004+08:00

from Steve Jobs. A man who changed the world, brought us the future.

“Almost everything

–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure

–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

He is a man of many words, some leaving more impact than the other. This is one of the quotes that I have always hold on to. To follow your heart, and know what is truly important.

It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from or what is there in your past. It is how you change yourself to be a better person in the future.

RIP Steve Jobs. You will be missed, if not by some, by many who adores your ideas and creations.

Found this on twitter:

Steve Jobs dies, and the world finds out/mourns/shares thru the products he created.

Now that's a legacy.

True, very true indeed. :')

Because He Waited

2011-09-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

What we have is a great love. It's complicated. Intense. All-consuming. No matter what we do and how much we fight, it'll always pull us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that, right? - Blair Waldorf S04E22

There's a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn't show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn't want it 'cause you've never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale. - Chuck Bass Gossip Girl S04E22

I started watching Gossip Girl two years ago when my lovely roommate in Terendak, Miss Era introduced me to it. Then, it was already the ending of season 2 and I spent a whole weekend finishing season 1 and 2 and anticipating season 3.

I would say that this is the first series that I really followed, and now, I'm following about 8! Hahaha.

If the viewers could pick who ends with who, would you leave Blair to Chuck, or would you want her to marry the prince?

Sometimes being in love is not as simply as I love you, you love me, lets get married.

Blair was deeply in love with Chuck, even in the whole season two we see how she tries to support Chuck, and that she would do anything for him. All she wanted was for him to say "I love you too"

At the end of season two Chuck finally said I love you to Blair.

But then, being Chuck, he hurt her.

Then Blair found herself a prince, literally.

I know sometimes you don't get to write your own fairy tale, let alone live in one, but this price really does love her and would do anything to win her heart.

It is almost impossible to love someone new the way you loved before, but you can always make space so that the new love can enter and fill your heart.

The prince might not be perfect, but at least he waited, and told her his feelings.

And Blair did waited for Chuck, only this time it was too little too late for Chuck.

Sometimes, girls only wants security. They need someone to tell them that they are loved, that they are appreciated. Watching from afar doesn't even start to count as she doesn't know. And when she doesn't know, it is not there. Put down your ego and start telling her how you feel. That wall of ego will only destroy you in the end, leaving you lonely, devastated. Small things matters, but affection is what captures a girls heart the most, and she'll be guarding your soul for as long as the both of you shall live.

I am to yet watch another 20+ episodes of the new season, but I can feel that this season looks promising.

A few other series I'm following this fall

1. New Girl - Zooey's in it, but the first episode was not really nice. The second was getting better tho. Will see how the third episode is

2. The Secret Circle - Another story of superpowers. Would say its just OK

3. The Vampire Diaries - I want my own Damon too :P

4. Glee - Plenty drama this time :)

Besides that, I am also following a few Malay series on TV3

1. Tahajjud Cinta

2. Soffiya

3. Cinta Elysa

4. Jiwa & Lara

I think that's all for my TV life :P

PS: Can I have my own Chuck Bass? LoLz

And the countdown begins...

2011-09-25T14:53:00.001+08:00

Gossip girl season 5 premier!!!!!!

I am so excited.

If this is the final season I hope it will be wrapped up nicely :)

Name Calling

2011-09-24T23:11:00.005+08:00

I know some people regard it as just joking and fooling around, though I know there is always a percentage of truth behind every "I'm just kidding".

To me, you don't easily put names on people, unless you have something crystal clear againts that person. I know some people just hates another simply their friends hate that person too. But in the end, would it satisfy you to hate that person? Talking behind their backs over and over again with something that you've been telling people for ages?

Oh well, I just think teasing has its limits. But to call another person with harsh words, or to address people badly, that is wrong.

Even if you think or know or feel so mad, angry, or upset with a certain someone, you have no right to call that person with vulgar words.

In the end, it only reflects who YOU are, not that person.

Oh well =) I know that some people might just feel that they are better than others, in the eyes of God, we are all the same. What differentiates us is our heart and our obidient towards our creator.

What is important is who we are in God's eyes. I know that we seek forgiveness from Him for all our wrongdoings. But we also must see forgiveness from those who we've hurt, intentionally, or not.

And to anyone who wants to say anything about me, I would really appreciate it if you could just say it to my face. At least get your facts straight before spreading a single word. Oh, I'm the one who is ALWAYS the one spreading things right? Then again, are you sure? Cause the last time I checked, I found out about the same thing just as you did, too. And words are so easily misinterpreted. So get you FACTS and SOURCES right, yea? Your source is THAT reliable, izzit?? -.- I know mine isn't =) At least I know MY side of the story... And if you wanna know about it, ask ME.

But then again,

As long as I know myself, who cares bout the whole world?

I Miss

2011-09-22T18:07:00.001+08:00

When everything was just simple

And two little naughty kids.

Sigh

Ends of the Earth

2011-09-20T23:32:00.001+08:00

Love is not there if it is not expressed

Love it not there if it is just kept to yourself

Love is to be shared,

to be shown

to be told.

Love is not there if you don't know.

Confusion and Dreams

2011-09-19T23:08:00.001+08:00

When did I get into this again?

Yesterday I was perfectly happy. Or was that yesteryear?

Anyone who has the key or door or whatsoever that can show the future, can I borrow it for a sec?

I'm tired. Waiting.

Gonna be a long day again, tomorrow.

Current mood: blur

Maybe I should sleep if off. Works well in the past. If not to wake up feeling ever so lost than before.

They say dreams is a wish your heart makes.
If that is true, why do I keep seeing the same face, that same smile over and over again?

Something I've always hold on to -
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.

When will I get my happilu ever after?

Finally :)

2011-09-18T22:01:00.001+08:00

The Vampire Diaries Season 3 is here people!!!!!

And the first episode made me cry, like literally.

Though I wouldn't want Elena to be with Stefan, but oh well.

If it were me, I'd choose Damon :P

Glee and Gossip Girl will be back next week, and my life is complete :) heeeeeee

Should I start watching the new series?

Anyway, I'll be starting a new posting next week. They say that this one is really hectic. Just what I need to get my mind off stuff.

In my mind right now - January or June? Can't choose both though, I'll be banned! Lolz.

Tomorrow is the first day and I must be early, not even a minute late! So I think I should sleep early then.

My tummy is not happy :(

What's Your Story?

2011-09-18T19:10:00.001+08:00

That day, someone opened up the story of his life to me and a few friends. He's now matured, successful, and have travelled around the world. The first time I met him, I thought of how calm he was, and how close he was to God. I can see the sparkle in his eyes when he speaks, and his words are ever so kind even when he is mad.

When he told us about what happened in his life, all I thought was - how can someone go through so much pain? Quoting the exact words from him, "I will definitely laugh when I remembered how stupid I was then, but that's life. You should learn to get to know people, and the world, and try to see it all." But it wasn't an easy journey he had. He made a few wrong choices, went through hardships, even almost became an alcoholic, almost into major depression.

Sometimes when we cry ourselves every single night to sleep we wonder if the pain that we endure will ever come to an end. We think that we are alone in this world feeling such pain, and we wonder if tomorrow we will wake up with the same feeling, the hurt, the emptiness that we feel inside.

I've heard this countless of times - you will be okay, someday you will just look back and laugh of what had happened.

But till that time comes, how would you know? Or will you be forever wondering, and wondering, over and over again. Would your heart ever be whole again?

Even if we see someone extremely happy, bubbly and excited, that person may have a story that you can never expect. I know it is wrong to assume, and that person might really he content with their lives, but isn't it better for us to be focused on ourselves rather than bring others down? Everyone has their own share of ups and down in life, I belief so.

And even if tomorrow I'll be able to wake up and laugh about the tears I shed today, it does not making it any less hurtful than it already is.

I couldn't possible go to everyone and ask them, what's your story? And even if I did, it will not be that easy for me to understand.

I know everyone has their own story, to tell or not to tell. I do too, as I may not see things the same way as other people do.

If only I could turn back time, to a time when everything was definitely different. To that time, the perfect moment. Just then.

imy.

Through Thick and Thin

2011-09-17T21:31:00.001+08:00

Today I went back to Melaka for a family day. It was held at one of my aunt's lawn, where everyone was gathered. But I didn't really knew everyone, as it is a gathering of our big family, my late great-great-grandfather's side, arwah Dol bin Endin. He had 5 children, and many grandchildren. This is the first time we gathered, it was exciting to see people you thought were only neighbors and knowing that they are related to you.

I am the descendant of my late grandfather, arwah Haji Samsudin bin Said bin Dol. He married my grandmother, Hajah Che Mah binti Daud and was blessed with six children, three boys and three girls :) That means I'm the third generation of the gathering. Hehe.

What I'm really proud of my family (the Samsudin's) is our closeness. Up to today, there are 66 of us, including in-laws and new kids. Yet we are still close. News travels like CNN and whenever there is any problem, we will try to solve it together.

I miss my big family. The last time we had our own gathering was back when I was 11. Even this time not many of us are able to join due to other duties. But deep inside I know and believe that we are somehow close. There is no news that is kept a secret, which is good in a way, and also not so good as these people will hold your past against you - say you have done something embarrassing in the past, they will mention it during gatherings, raya or any occasion that may remind them of it - FOREVER! Haha. See how close we are?

I am also grateful that my family is doing well. What we've always believe in is that it is not easy to keep up the good name, and that we shall work hard to make sure that our family name is not tarnished. If we were to trace back our family's descendants, it starts from the first Kapitan of Melaka, but that is such a long story. the gathering today is to bring back the big family together, for us to be able to recognize our own flesh and blood, and help them whenever in need.

I can proudly say that I love my whole family, and that I believe, no matter happen, he have each other's back :) Yes my cousins and I fight like cats and dogs when we were younger, but today we are closer than siblings! I miss those days when I will run to nenek crying and be given 50cents to buy chocolate :p I was really pampered then! Hehe..

My dream is to have a place to gather our lovely family, all 66 of us and spend a day or two, just having fun. Now my family is scattered all over the world, and I know it will be difficult, but I'm praying that one day my dream will come true.

Ps: sorry no pictures. All of them are with angah :p will post them once I get them from him. Hehe

Get Well Soon

2011-09-17T05:50:00.000+08:00

Adikkkkk!!!! get well soon okkayy!

this post is for u :p

well, this is a long weekend, and tomorrow i'm going back to melaka for a family day! weeeee... i can't wait.

today i met with a few friends back in sunway :) had so much fun!

and went to sg. buloh later for an open house, and another one in selayang :)

now i'm super full!

gaining weight much???

I Need

2011-09-17T01:50:00.001+08:00

Somebody to turn to when everything goes wrong
When I am lost, and I can't find my way back
When I need to spill out what I feel
And to tell me everything is gonna be alright.

I need to talk
To be listened to

Even just for a moment

Sometimes it is good to argue, but please don't be mr-fix-it-all as that is not what I want.

Parenting is not an easy job, and it needs more than just assuming that your child is okay. I know I'm not a mother, well, I'm not even married yet. But making a decision for someone is difficult, especially when it is a big one.

No one makes decisions to destroy you, especially family.

Sometimes you don't know what's the best for you, and what you want might not be it.

Feeling so much pain I could write a song about. Lolz

I will

2011-09-16T02:19:00.001+08:00

Write an entry about you, and only you, when I am finally able to find the right words.

And maybe then, you will understand.

Songs

2011-09-16T01:32:00.001+08:00

Great stories make great songs.

The greatest songs are about hurt -Will Schuester

Left Unsaid

2011-09-16T00:46:00.004+08:00

... is all I ask of you

Sometimes when it is too late, you don't know what to do, and what to say, and everything is left unsaid. And you will start to regret that time when you could say it all, that moment when everything was perfect, yet you had that feeling inside you had to pour out. But you were scared to spoil the moment, and hence you kept it all inside. Thus it builds up and becomes something that eventually destroys the defense you built outside. And all the walls are falling down, and everything is not what it seems anymore. You don't even realize it, as the weakness comes from within yourself, a part you thought was strong enough to endure anything, come what may.

Say it only if you mean it.

If you don't, then you may forever hold your peace.

Just

2011-09-14T08:12:00.001+08:00

Come home. Please

I miss you~

Breakeven

2011-09-07T00:14:00.001+08:00

I'm definitely a fan now :) Fell in love with her first performance during the blind audition of The Voice, with some other participants as well.

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even :')

I've Learned

2011-09-06T19:09:00.001+08:00

That is isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself

I make mistakes not less than anyone else in this world. I'm not perfect, I change.

I break promises made to people I love the most, keep things from them, and lie.

I hurt people who mean the world to me just to prevent my own heart from breaking, just to have it shattered into pieces.

I am of no right to ask for forgiveness as I might not deserve it.

I do things unintentionally without thinking, say things out of the blue.

I'm not nice, but I'm not evil either. Or so I think.

I'm only human

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

2011-09-06T01:31:00.001+08:00

In love with this song. And the little girl who sang it :)

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

I'm not moving. :)

I'm Waiting

2011-09-05T13:21:00.001+08:00

For Gossip Girl season 5, and a chance to gossip about it with Xander again :)

I'm like super excited. It is nice to have something to look forward too.

When?

Oh, it starts on the 26th of September mates. So get your internet working and your hardisk empty for new downloads :)

You know you love me xoxo

A few to do things before I'm done with this posting which will start tonight, after my on calls if I have the energy. Loosing appetite these days. -.- so not fun. But I can't eat anything, okay not THAT severe but I've turned into someone extremely picky. Thankfully those that I want are not super expensive :p

Mummy, can I book my ticket now, please?

I wanna skype with Sara again! Can't wait for next weekend. Sometimes she even chats with me through whatsapp. Kids these days -.- An also little Mika.

And professional exams are in.. 4months?

Retail therapy

2011-09-04T19:11:00.001+08:00

Definitely my way of getting thing off my mind.

Well, I sent Adik off to her school today, and bid goodbye to mama's family. Being back home, alone, I can't help but feel sad. I know I shouldn't be. The one week holiday and everyone together under the same roof made me realize that I should be grateful for still having my family with me.

Last night I went to send my parents at the airport. Their flight was at 2am, but they wanted me arrive home early, so I left at about 11. Saying goodbye to them was really sad. The airport itself has so much memories of the past that I wish to not remember.

But memories are memories, and without them, I won't be who I am today.

I remember reading that sometimes what hurts you most is the thing that makes you stronger. You just have to find that strong point and it will be alright. One way, is by writing things down. Things that you loves, things that made you happy.

I wish I could come home to my family, but it is never gonna happen, not now. So maybe I should just let the best of it conquers me, for now.

I miss being home, the only place where I feel safe, but I'm happy here too.

And yes, I turn to retail therapy, which works well for me. Spent like a few for this and that, and I'm happy :) hahahah...

I still have a few things on my wish list though. Hope I can get them soon.

And I want my new toy :( pleaassseeeeee!!!!!

Surprisingly,

2011-09-04T18:52:00.001+08:00

It hurts.

You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.

Yea.

A Silent Goodbye

2011-09-04T03:20:00.001+08:00

Is the loudest.

Sad, but true.

When The Time Comes

2011-09-02T19:27:00.001+08:00

I don't know which one is better...

To be bedridden, in a coma, yet still alive

Or to die an untimely death, like so sudden, but just, die

Well you don't really get to choose, do you?

And when the time comew, only then you'll know.

I just hope when the time comes I won't have to flash through my life regretting things I never did and not saying things I never said.

So yes, I forgive everyone, and I hope I will be forgiven in return, as I don't know if I would still be alive to see tomorrow.

Of Syawal

2011-08-30T22:05:00.001+08:00

In life, we often forget what means to us the most and we get busy with the daily activities that fills our schedule. We forget that time passes us so fast that if we don't appreciate what we have today, we might not have the time tomorrow.

The whole month of Ramadhan has taught me a lot about appreciating the small things in life, as there are times when we overlook these small things and take them for granted.

This Ramadhan, I learnt about lost, of how hurtful it would be not being able to celebrate Eid with the person you love, and knowing that you will never see them again. It's been long since I lost someone close, and though I see people pass away on a daily basis, the feeling will never be the same. I pray that those who have lost will be strong, and know that their loved ones are surely the chosen ones :').

I also learn about the meaning of being lonely. This is the first time I'm alone, as I usually have Kakak around, and the truth is, I haven't wake up for my sahur for quite a few days. I will wake up, chew a cooking, drink some water and that's it. I used to be someone who needs to take sahur, but somehow this year, I'm just not in the mood. Thankfully Grizzly was there, so there were times when he comes to have sahur with me downstairs or drives to a nearby restaurant, and yes, Amar, who is always insisting me to go to Rasta TTDI which is like so far! oh well, you're leaving in a few days, so I'll see you anyway.

Even Eid this year is different. Not being able to wish a few people breaks my heart, but I'm grateful to have the people who are around me. Those people who pushed me to stand up when I thought of giving up, and those who would help me bring myself back together. These people are the ones who have always believe in me.

I also believe that Eid is the time for forgiving, if not the whole year. I'm not perfect, and I'm bound to make another million mistakes or so, I hope everyone can help guide me through this stage called life. I texted s few people I haven't text in ages, trying to amend broken friendships. I hope this will pay off, in one way or another. Whatever the outcome is, I'm glad I finally found the courage to do so.

And to that one person who I don't have the number, I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and we can be friends, as I would never want to lose s great friend like you.

I really hope this Eid brings tranquility to everyone, and that we give a chance to each other, to forgive, to forget, and most importantly, a chance for ourselves.

Eid Mubarak.

Holiday + Raya Shopping Spree

2011-08-26T06:55:00.001+08:00

I never thought this day would come. Holidays! Hahaha. Such and exaggeration, but that was how I felt as I was talking to Era about the raya and holiday plans made for this one week holiday. I've finished my PMD and PMS this week, which means I'm only kept with EMB writeup and studying to do.

Mummy called asking for the lost of ingredients I would want her to buy to make our raya goodies. Hehe. Got the recipe from mama, and excited to try it out!

Anyway, part of my to do list is to go blog hopping again. Been ages since I've read other people's writings and I kinda miss it :( . That is IF I have time. A lot of other things to do during this one week, please don't pass by too fast! Huuuu.. Need to read update from Miss Wafaa and Vivy, haih, I'm so out of date these days!

And today, is the day for my raya shopping. I will finally stroll through the stores to find a nice outfit to be worn on Eid. Excited? You bet. Thankfully grizzly will drive, and I won't have to worry about the massive traffic in KL. Please be nice to me later, okay?

And yes, a date with Era later. :)

A friend of mine just got her heart broken. And the excuse was because she's too good for him? *me am puzzled* but he said he loves her. And now he's on his knees begging her to come back.

My advice?

Love is not enough. Sometimes you love someone so much that you will be so vulnerable to that person, and your heart will bleed for the smallest things. And when something keeps on bleeding, it will heal with fibrous tissues and scars, and you can never be the same again. Your heart wont have enough blood, end up in tissue ischaemia and necrosis. =p Don't hang on too much on love, as heart changes. Don't assume things will get better, they won't. You deserve much more than that. Besides, we're not that desperate. And promises are to be kept even it is not spoken of anymore. :)

And you, please leave her alone, or I'll shove my fist down your throat. I know you'll be reading this anyway.

Be strong Sayang. Love you to bits! Call me, okay?

Ray a Hair

2011-08-23T23:38:00.001+08:00

In less than one week ago I finally gathered up my courage and went to the saloon for a haircut. Haha. Too much exaggeration there I suppose. Heeee. Well, I've been busy since final year commenced and I postponed my trip to the saloon for about a thousand times. I've been wanting a haircut since I was in London. Need to get rid of all the hair that was once curled. Too dry edy lor...

Anyway, I did nothing new actually. No curls, perms or whatsoever, just a straight cut. Didn't even rebonded my hair. 4 hours in the saloon would be a waste to my precious time, maybe next time, maybe never, I don't really mind anymore. And I had a great Iftar at ikea with the Ramadhan buffet offer after. So life's good :)

Looking into the mirror now, I immediately saw myself as an 11 year old kid. Even Omar said so. Oh well. Better look younger than older, right? *me convincing myself*

I can't upload pictures here as I haven't sync my photo album to this application. Maybe I'll upload them in my raya post :) hehe. Those who knew me since forever would probably know how I look like right now. Haha.

I've got a few to do's before going back this weekend, which includes presentations and a trip to the post office. Bought Mika his birthday present and I would want it to arrive on his birthday, God willing :) And yea, laundry. Hihi

Raya mood is affecting everyone. Feel so lazy to actually enter the ward! Hiks.

Ps: loving the new feeling on my finger :) now there's two! Hahahaha

Step 1

2011-08-20T00:52:00.001+08:00

When I was young, I used to be that girl you see in a dress with a tiara in her head, dreaming of her prince charming riding my in a white stallion, saving her from an evil dragon.

As years went by, I learn that fairytales don't exist, and that they are just imaginations. No one is gonna save you, no one will care. When you love, you have to sacrifice your heart and feelings, and keep everything inside. I learnt that love is sacrifice and that nothing will be gained without it.

And I was hurt and hurt all over again. I thought it was wrong for me wanting something for myself, demanding my own happiness. I thought I had to just go with the flow and listen to the needs and wants of everyone else except myself.

Then something happened, and made me evaluate my view of life, of love, and friendship. I've always told myself that love is enough, when deep down I know it is not. And I learn to live and embrace that reality. If you can't be there in person, you can't be there at all.

Today I'm writing my own fairytale. It might not involve dragons, or horses, or a wicked witch, but it sure does involve less tears and unlimited happiness. Sometimes you do need tears to make you stronger, but you need happiness more to be able to pull yourself together and to be able to stand up and smile again. You can't live with that gloomy face forever, nor could you survive being always happy.

I've taken the step, and I'm not turning back.

And right now, I wish to be at 57, Purley Park Road.

Done with step one. Baby steps to step two :)

Counting days to April. Exams first though -.-

Dream Shoes

2011-08-16T10:15:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I went to KLCC with dear Pink for some spectacle shopping. Well, not really shopping as we ended up buying nothing, but we went to almost all the optical shops in the mall. Super fun, really :)

Then I went into my favorite shop, and immediately fell in love with the wallet I found. Such soft calf skin. Haih, if only I had the money to buy the whole set, which would cost me more than three months of salary. Not that I'm working though. Hahaha.

Oh well, I was going online surveying the factory outlet for that particular designer. And I fell in love with a pair of red flats! OMG they were just so pretty. And after conversion, it costs half than the price in the boutique in Malaysia.

Would I buy it?

I don't know. Should I?

Nine Lives

2011-08-11T22:08:00.001+08:00

As usual, I'm a huge fan of TV series. Being home alone, I guess I really have nothing better to do than just continue to stream my YouTube or whatever websites that would help me watch the series online.

Currently my usuals are on break, so I'm on Pretty Litter Liars :) a really nice show though some of my friends think otherwise. Oh well, better to have it than nothing to pass time, right?

Currently I'm watching another two series along with PLL

The nine lives of Chloe King

It's about some mystical creatures that lives among human but could never be together, or something like that -.- .. Oh well, the guy, Alek is cute and I think Chloe is adorable though there are times when I would just strangle her!!!!

It is episode 9 this week :) and I am so looking forward for Alek and Chloe to be together. He's so cute, if you don't want to be with him, can I have him instead? Lol.

Switched at Birth

I've just watched a few episodes of this series. Rather depressing, but kinda nice. Been trying to finish till the current episode, but I end up doing something else instead.

It's about two girls who were accidentally switched at birth. As usual, one is from a freaking rich family and the other is..... Just okay. So the drama and the trouble comes in and so on. It's a light watch tho. :) it is nothing like the other series where I'd wait for hours just to watch it. It is the 'if I have tim' shows :)

Can't wait for next month.

Questions discussed in Oxford that are yet to be answered:
1. Is Blair pregnant?
2. Is it Chuck's baby?
3. What is really happening to Serena's cousin?
4. And the list goes on and on....

Yes, I know that you would think I had nothing better to talk about in Oxford than Gossip Girl, but almost all students in Oxford watches it! Makes me feel belonged during the formal dinner we had :) hehehe

And yes, waiting for Vampire Diaries and Glee as well.

Will Glee 3D be any good? If only school reopened in July I would've stayed for the concert! :(

Anyway, I'm done with my second posting.

Next week will be super eventful.
1. Going to surgeryyyyyyy!!!!!!
2. Almost Eid!
3......

I'll update about the third event soon okay? Just wish me luck and pray for the best.

Reunions coming up! I miss my college + school days so much! Everyone have change, a lot. And yet the world is still going round, and life is still going on.

And me? Life is good :) Alhamdulillah

Appreciate Ramadhan while it is here. May it bring change to all :)

Inspiration

2011-08-08T23:54:00.001+08:00

I've been out of inspiration lately. Becoming lazier day by day. And yes, I know I'm killing myself softly with this attitude.

But thanks to a dear friend who inspired me. And someday I wanna be where you are, or better.

Thanks doctor (you really should get used to that by now), and I miss you a lot!

And thanks for seeing beyond the manja and gedik self of me :) I am truly inspired. You are definitely someone I can look up to and count on!

Ps: Grizzly, thanks for being there too :)

Left Out

2011-08-04T23:13:00.003+08:00

Yes, that is how I really feel. But apparently no one cares. Not in the past, nor could anyone in the future. Maybe it is time for me to turn my heart to steel and never feel again. Maybe, things would be better that way. Maybe, I'll learn how to survive, by not caring in return.

Did you know that?

what i learnt from an old friend

2011-08-04T12:07:00.002+08:00

1. conversations regarding the weather predominates
2. identifying accents in every new person you meet
3. survive with unseasoned boiled vegetables
4. queue everytime, even without a queue
5. say 'Cheers' for gratitute, appreciation and for a toast
6 when 'I am disappointed' literally means ' I am fucking mad'
7. anglicising

Wishing you all the best in work life smart boy. And feel free to treat me for dinner!!! :)

*Missing a hell lot of my college life*

My Wish

2011-07-31T22:40:00.001+08:00

I hope I can be in Melaka for the last iftar of this year's Ramadhan. I miss that feeling so much :')

Ramadhan al-kareem :)

2011-07-31T14:55:00.001+08:00

Dear friends,
Let us all welcome the month of Ramadhan with joy and happiness, and let us all be grateful to be able to meet with this holy and blessful month.

It has been a difficult year, yet it has taught me a lot, and for that I am grateful.

I hope this could be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives, better drom the last one, and let us all embrace this month and make it part of our living.

With love,
MissNana

Missing Them

2011-07-27T19:31:00.002+08:00

... just so much

Ms. Aziah Ab Rani

2011-07-27T10:10:00.001+08:00

When I first found out that kakak was getting married, the first thing I did was cry. I never thought it would ever come this fast, and soon she'll be someone's wife. It felt as if a huge part of me will be gone, and I felt so lonely, more than I ever was.

We were really close since young. She's my bestfriend, my sister, the place where I tell all my secrets and share all my tears and joy. I look up to her in everything that she does. There are times when we will disagree, but we can never stay mad at each other for long. We were brought up to appreciate and cherish the sibling bond that we share. And for that, I am really grateful.

Kakak is not the type of sister who would actually show how she feels. You don't know if she is mad at you, or just plain worried because her reaction will always be the same. But she has always been so garang since we were younger, and I guess I'm used to that aleady :p

As we grew older, things got in our way. But it does not mean that we were less close. We don't even have to talk to each other, but we understood. There were even times when we would have the same hint of something that is going to happen. And I think somehow we are able to read each other's mind. I believe most siblings have that 'feel' and you can just look into each others eyes and understand.

Then Farouk came into the picture. Honestly, I would accept whoever my sister chooses, as long as that person makes her happy. So Farouk, please shower my sister with love and happiness till her last breath. She's yours now, so keep her safe.

I have never seen my sister so happy before. The gleam in her eyes, her skin that glows, everything. And I'm glad finally she married the person she loved.

Her akad was on the 15th of July, a simple ceremony, followed by two receptions on the following day, and last weekend was the reception in Johor Bahru.

Kakak,
I wish you all the best in life, by the side of the man you love. I won't deny that I will be lonely not having you around, and that I won't have anyone to go to in the middle of the night, but don't worry about me, I'll try to be fine. Make sure that Farouk makes you happy, if not he has to face both adik and I, and believe me, he won't like that. We will always be sisters, and I want you to know that no matter what, I wil be there for you.
I will definitely miss you.

And yes, I don't say this often but I love you, and I wish for you all the happiness the world couldever give. Take care, and be good!

Making It Right

2011-07-27T09:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we are often caught in the middle, not being able to choose between what is right and what we want. We want things to remain the same as they always were, denying the fact that every single thing in this world would undergo change, no matter how small it is.

I'm trying to make something right though it is not really my call. I'm kinda like caught, and I have no way of going out.

Everything has been settled except for this one bit, and I don't want to live my life doing nothing. I've been silent, waiting, listening, as at that time any spoken word may result in damage. But now I don't have to hide anymore, as I'm afraid of nothing. No one can harm me if I want to make this right, but still, I can't do this alone. I could, but it will be weird, super weird.

I don't want to be labelled as someone who tries to ruin someone's life, but I believe my silence has made me look as if I'm guilty of all the accusations and the harsh words thrown by others to me. I can't say anything at that time, as for one thing, it is not my story, and the other one, I had to make sure the person I cared the most would not face any trouble if I ever voice out my opinions.

But now everything is a history, in the past. So I would like to make things straight. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to go talking behind people's back, having an ill feeling of going somewhere because of whispers and face-making.

I want to make one thing clear, I am hurt too. I'm a girl, and I have feelings too. I'm not as heartless as you think I might be, or whatever you may think for that matter. I just decided to not give a damn and just go on. But the whispers and face-making are holding me back. Please, if you are not involved, don't judge. No matter what story you've heard. If you feel like getting involved, why don't you come and talk yo me and listen to MY side of the story?

I'm waiting, for you to ask me, all of you, and I'll tell you what really happened from my side of the story, and after that, if you still want to keep on judging, you are most welcome, as after that, I would have nothing else againts you.

Just because I look happy does not mean I don't feel as much pain and undergoing as much sorrow.

Weekend!

2011-07-23T12:43:00.001+08:00

This is another fully booked weekend.

Friday: Firdaus & Atikah's wedding
Saturday: Dr. Shu's class and off to Johor for the reception
Sunday: reception in JB

I would like to apologize in advance to Apis for not being able to attend his wedding ceremony. Got you your wedding gift, the performance :p . But make sure to return him back, okay? Hahahah..

There's news. Bad and good. To be shared next time :)

Happy weekend peeps!

Service Charges

2011-07-22T09:40:00.003+08:00

A few weeks back I went to a network provider outlet in Alamanda to purchase a microsim. Apparently, since it is not the service centre, they asked me to pay RM20 just to cut the sim!

Have you ever seen the sim cutter before? It is not even operated by electricity nor battery! Imagine a paper puncher *I don't know if this is the correct term, but whateva*, just insert your simcard, clip it, and it becomes a microsim!

Are you freaking mad? When I asked what the RM20 is for, the lady claimed it is for service charges. Like seriously, RM20 for something that would not require you to even lift both hands. -.-

I purchased the simcard anyway, and headed to the phone stalls located near the cinema area. And guess what? I managed to change my simcard into a microsim for only RM2! With RM20 I would be able to cut 10 simcards already!

Sometimes the charges are just insanely mad. Please don't just accept it unless you are really In a rush or you have cash to just throw away, then I suggest you can walk through the mall and survey other stalls for better deals. I did not opt for the service centre as it would cost me just as much. There is a reason why I went to Alamanda and not other places. Maybe next time I should reconsider of going to the service centre rather than being cheated by a sales girl.

Btw, just found out how to facetime via 3G!!! Fine, call me outdated, but at least I found it :p
Anyone wants to recommend any other interesting apps?

Turning Tables

2011-07-22T01:47:00.004+08:00

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me

No, I won't ask you,

you to just desert me

I can't give you,

what you think you give me

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

Next time I'll be braver

I'll be my own savior

When the thunder calls for me

Next time I'll be braver

I'll be my own savior

Standing on my own two feet

No one says it better than Adele~

Somehow this song kinda give me that feeling. I don't know how to describe how it is. Just like your heart being tugged out and you're left with nothing. That feeling of suffocate where suddenly all air is taken away from you. To the point you're gasping for the slightest oxygen to be able to survive.

And this song reminds me of London. Am missing my little monsters. :'(

Because I Knew You

2011-07-19T17:43:00.002+08:00

We might not be together, ever again

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

So You Think You're So Good?

2011-07-19T12:45:00.003+08:00

I have no problem with pious people, those who are religious and are willing to advice others into goodness. In fact, I look up on these people, especially those who gives positive critisism to peope, encouraging change towards to goodness and everything in between. I have always adore those who are religious, and someday, God willing, would want to be part of those who leads that life.

I know I'm not a perfect muslim, I have my flaws. But an incident happening on the day of my sisters wedding made me think if some, and I repeat that, SOME of these people who think they are just good enough to use harsh, unintelligent words to other people.

You say you follow the Islamic way of living, your lifestyle and all, you say you have your limits. But is it not stated in the Quran that the way you talk to another is also important? Sometimes it is not easy to say out what you feel if you think someone is doing something that to you is not right. But it is a different story of how you actually say it.

I'm not interested to elaborate on the details, but just to make it clear, it is my sister you are talking to, and no one, I repeat NO ONE hurts my sister! I don't know who you are, I don't know how you look like and I would rather not. Just pray that your business won't burn into ashes.

For me, I don't care if you are wearing a hijab or reciting the Quran every single day if the words that comes out from your mouth and your actions are lower than those who appear sinful in your eyes.

For one thing, you are not God to judge someone just by their looks, what they wear and so on. Even a book is not judged by its cover. What matters most is your heart. And your heart is reflected by your actions and your words. You can only pretend for so long till people will be able to see right through you.

I am still trying to be a better muslimah, and for that I apologize for my wrong doing. I admit that it is difficult to listen to critisism, but I'm still learning. I can be defensive as well, but never take me as a stone-hearted person. But you mister, you are plain rude. I might not be perfect, but I still know what is right and wrong. Would you want someone to talk like that to YOUR sister? Would you want people to talk about you. It is simple mathematics. I tell my family and friends, they tell theirs. And the list goes on and on. And in the end? You'll be out of business. And us? We wont be even able to recall your name.

And for judging, don't let your immature judgement blind the way you treat a person. There is always two sides of a story. It is better to be neutral than judgemental.

I was so angry the minute I heard the news I thought if I ever met him I would ripe his head off.*harrypottermode* wicked!! Lolz.

Please, I pray I will never in my life cross path with you again. Thanks so much for doing the favour of not coming.

Goodbyes....

2011-07-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

..... are hard.

It may be hard for the person who is leaving, but is always harder for the person left behind.

Anyone wants to argue that statement?

I know I am rather biased here, as I have never left, but I've been left behind. And I know how it feels. It hurts. Even more when you long for the comfort and attention.

And suddenly when you're about to move on you've been put on pause once more. Tell me if it is fair. Tell me. And I might believe you.

And no, I can't go down that road anymore. Not now.

Fight for somone who loves you in return. Not just someone you love wholeheartedly only to be left waiting for nothing.

Officially Exhausted

2011-07-18T21:00:00.003+08:00

My most tiring weekend, yet fun. I went back to Kelantan for kakak's wedding *pictures to be uploaded later* and I had a blast. Can't believe that my sister is actually someone's wife, and to think about it, having someone I know for so long as a brother. Okay, not THAT long, but I was once close to Farouk and he's a really nice guy. I've never seen kakak as happy before.

So the akad was on Friday night and we had two receptions on Saturday. *Sunday is a working day in Kelantan* We hardly had time to catch our breath! Even kakak was almost hypoglyceamic during the night receptions. And to be honest, I don't think I had that much pictures.

But I had fun.

This weekend is another long weekend, where the reception in JB will take place. It is only Monday but I'm hoping it to be Friday. Hehe.

I hope adik will be able to join us though. She's having her trials on the 8th, so yea.

Now I'm home alone. It feels really weird, but I'm trying to not think about it too much. I miss having kakak around. It is not like we talk for hours, but just knowing she's in the house makes me feel secure, and supported. Not I would have to learn to stand on my two feet, just praying I wont fall

One More Day

2011-07-14T09:35:00.000+08:00

To kakak's wedding

Mood: excited

Please pray that everything will run smoothly

20 June 2011

2011-07-13T23:01:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday little princess.

Aunty Nana and Uncle Farid loves you

and we miss you so much

The Last Heartbeat

2011-07-13T21:24:00.003+08:00

Death is not easy to anyone, nor will it ever be. No matter at what age you are, and what you have achieve in life, death is the one reminder that you have your roots to hold on to, and so that you will never ever forget where you come from, and where you will someday be.

It does not matter if it is a news from someone close to you, or someone you hardly know. Or even if everyday you live your life dealing with it, you will never ever be strong enough to take it all in and say, I'm okay. Even if it is expected, what more when it is not.

Today, again, I witness death before my eyes. I realize that this line of profession that I choose will make people look and me and say, 'don't you expect that to happen?' Expecting and accepting are two different words, and different meaning.

I still remember the first time I saw the final moments of a little boy alive. And today, it was a girl. Though the scenario was different - there were screams and cries everywhere during the last one, this one was calmer - but the impact it had on me was still the same. Shaken, I was.

And there wasn't a single dry eye at the scene after the incident.

I pray that the little girl will be in Jannah, waiting for her mama who had patiently raised her up, despite her known condition. May Allah bless her soul, and her parents as well.

Al-Fatihah.

Would You Be...

2011-07-12T22:11:00.001+08:00

.... my guardian angel?

... I promise I'll always be yours, come what may.

Everything Happens For a Reason

2011-07-10T19:09:00.002+08:00

We learn that everything in life does not happen simply. The moon, the stars the sun. Everything will happen for a reason, and if we look closer, we will find the answer to our questions. Sometimes things are not always what they seem. People will be pretentious, people will manipulate. It then comes down to your heart. What does it say when you need to make that decision?

I learn today that some people could be just selfish, manipulating people for years and years just for their own benefit. In the end, will that satisfy them? I don't have that answer. I don't know.

Curiousity is a trait that could kill you in the end, or it could be the reason you will be able to move on.

To you,

No matter what happens in the future, I promis I will be by your side. You've been through a lot these years, things you never deserve to endure. It is difficult when you finally found out that the one person that you trust the most is the person who has been playing and toying with you feelings all along. And for that, a lot of people has become victims in this drama. But everything is over, and now it is the time to move on. Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. I never wanted anything more than to see you happy. No matter what it takes. I promise.

Yesterday

2011-07-03T20:15:00.003+08:00

All my troubles seems so far away........

I went to wind orchestra competition 2011 in PICC today. Can't remember the last time I went to that competition, but it was years ago. But those were the best days in my life. And I miss every single part of it. I'm glad I bumped into Ain, and was quiet sad when I realize that I don't know a lot of people. It's a different generation, different faces. But the feeling was exactly the same as I walked through the doors of that hall. It was overwhelming, and almost choking me.

I miss everything about yesterday.

And If Tomorrow

2011-07-01T23:49:00.002+08:00

we ever meet again

will there still a place in your heart

for the love that we had once

for that moment on and till forever?

And if tomorrow

we ever meet again

will there still be time to be love by you

to keep this heart safe

till forever?

I Miss You

2011-06-28T09:11:00.001+08:00

Kissing through skype

No matter how difficult my day was, they can always make me smile

Now..

2011-06-26T21:55:00.002+08:00

.. almost the starting of the second week of paediatrics, my first posting for my final year..

Nothing much to comment about, I'm just glad that I'm in a group with a mixture of different personalities - from nerds to jokers. And I'm enjoying every minute of it. Especially with Era around =)

Something really bad happened last week, but I can't share it here. Just let me say don't contact me on BBM/whatsapp till further notice. Huhu..

On the third day, I was already assessed for my long case. I couldn't sleep the whole night!!!!!! But now it is over, I should hit the study gear. Hehe

Ohhhh... Mummy and daddy are back! It is an *almost* full house for almost the whole week. Something is bugging me, at the back of my mind. But not to be addressed no. Thank you =P

And I have to write a special entry for a special princess =)

Countdowns:

28 weeks to professional exam 2

19 days to kakak's wedding

The Final Weekend..

2011-06-18T11:42:00.002+08:00

... of being home. Haha. Well, it is not that I have to go back to boarding school or anything as such. But I'm starting my ninth semester of medical school on Monday.

When I first enrolled into medical school, I wondered how would it be after a year, after two years, three years and after I graduate. I did not have the answers then, nor do I have the answers now.

Kakak's engaged, getting married in less than a month. Didn't see that coming four years ago.. Haha. Everybody is changing. Me included.

Oh well, I'll just take it as I go, like I always have.

Visiting adik later in the evening, then kakak and future bro-in-law will be coming over for dinner.

Tomorrow's plan??

Sleep late!

Get ready

Drive off.

Maybe number one should not happen. Need to train myself to sleep early! Haha.

That Book

2011-06-17T20:52:00.000+08:00

Before you left, we made a promise to write in that little book. To share what we felt at times when we were apart. I had mine, you had yours. And before we went our separate ways, we made that promise. A promise to stay true. A promise to share.

You left. And I was numb. I can't feel anything, I was lost.

I kept my promise, I wrote in that book. Everything I felt, what went on with me in my life.

But then I found out you didn't keep your words. You didn't write a single thing. You claim you were busy with your life.

I had to act like I understood, when truth is, my heart crumbled with those words.

Till now, I still have the book with me. I don't read it anymore, not like I used to.

But I flipped its pages today. And that feeling came. And I had to hold my breath to let it pass by.

My heart is just as vulnerable as how my feelings was then. Even today. Even tomorrow. As my shattered heart will never be the same again. It might be stronger,could be weaker, but not, never the same.

Acceptance

2011-06-16T18:13:00.003+08:00

Many a times in life you tell yourself that people just don't understand you, that you are different from others, that you are just being who you are. You tell those close to you that it is what you think is right, and everything you did had a purpose.

And at that very same time you question why can't people see it your way, and just try to be in your shoes for a change. You wonder what is so wrong about the way you think or act, and you want everyone to think just like you. Do the things you do, say yes to the things you like, no to the things you don't like, smile to your friends and hate your enemies.

But have you tried to look into another person's eyes and see it their way??

No. No one has. I haven't.

I may say I lead a more difficult life than yours, and you can say the same thing. In the end, we will just be arguing over and over about the same thing, without an ending. And where will that put us? One will win, one will lose. But what does it mean?

Self satisfaction will only go so far, as in the end you realize that you are still alone.

I know for a fact that it is not easy to accept. Found out something, and the next thing you know is you're digging for more answers.

I'm learning the hard way to accept someone's past. It is not just by saying sorry. How would you know what you did then will be something you regret today? Knowing how difficult it is to be honest about actions in the past is the first step.

People make mistakes all the time. So do I.

Accepting that people are different from you is the most difficult of all. But most important is to have a stand in life, not to just follow the direction the wind blows. People are different, in every single way imaginable. And it doesn't make them bad people, just, different.

I am for a fact glad I had to undergo all this. It is not easy, but I'll make it though, step by step. Sometimes I take a pause, sometimes I slow down, but I'm not going backwards.

My Saviour

2011-06-15T23:21:00.002+08:00

All my life,

I wish to find someone who understands my fears,

my worries,

the things I keep to myself,

to hold my hand through difficult times,

to listen to what I have to say,

to the things I wish to have,

to the things I wish didnt happen,

to find someone who accepts my past,

to accept me as who I am.

I guess every girl does,

wishing to find their prince charming.

And I found you.

Forever?

2011-06-15T23:12:00.002+08:00

I no longer believed in the idea of soulmates. Someone who just happen to be the person, 'the one' for you. Love at first sight is not realistic anymore, not when people are chasing dream, and with that they chase time in the process.

I've been hurt countless of times, by myself, by not being able to express myself to the one that I love hurts me to the core. An encounter with my old diary of 2007, and another notebook that meant so much to me, but might not mean as mush to the other. I don't know. Could it be time? What went wrong? Tell me how am I suppose to keep on fighting for something that is just not there? Something I can't feel.

I tried to hold on to the words, to the promises, but no. It hurts. And reading just one single entry in it, all the feelings of that moment came rushing back, drowning me, suffocating me that I had to reach out for air.

Maybe then it was because I was looking for the way to be perfect in your eyes, not realizing that the little imperfections of the both of us combined is what makes it stronger.

Promise Me

2011-06-12T21:59:00.003+08:00

...that you won't give up

no matter what happens

no matter how hopeless.

Promise me now...

and never let go of that promise.

Doctor In The House

2011-06-11T19:38:00.002+08:00

Congratulations Kakak!!!!!

You're now Dr. Aziah Ab. Rani

We are sooooo proud of you

After all the hard work, everything paid off, EVERYTHING

Now it is the start of a new chapter

And we wish you all the best

Love you always.

-Nana & Adik-

Ps: Pre-welcome to the family, Farouk =)

Lucky

2011-06-08T23:55:00.004+08:00

Being in and out of love happens to everyone. One second, you think this person is 'the one'. Then you try to hide every imperfection with hope that he will somehow see everything you gave up. But then you grow up and realize there is another definition of love out there, one that does not require tears and uncertainties all the time.

I realize that I'm not 'the girl' every guy would like. I don't have the looks, or anything that would make me attractive in their eyes. Even, I'm not the type of person someone would even have a good first impression on. Maybe it is because I'm too gedik and manja. =P Not maybe. It is. LoL. But whatever. I know I can't change the way people think and see. My mind is not transparent, neither are theirs. Jugding are purely their right. So be it.

But honestly, I'm lucky. Being a girl who can't really demand to have prince charming as a boyfriend, I'm lucky to have someone who fulfills my own criteria.

1. Talks to me for hours on the phone till I fall asleep, and wakes up for another long conversation if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep

2. Treats me like a kid, a teenager and an adult all in the same time

3. Listens to me when all I need is not advice but someone to just shut up and hear me out

4. Tells me that I'm wrong and is willing to help me change

5. Reminds me everytime I made a mistake

6. Builds the confidence in me

7. Holds me when I'm scared, or lonely, or tired, or sad

8. Looks into my eyes and tell me he loves me

9. Fights for me

I need that. Just that. And it's perfect =)

You might have your own reasons for being unable to own up and explain yourself about me. But as long as you fight for me, that is enough.

ps: I'm sorry for not being good in pulling out surprises, I've never done anything like that in my entire life. But the cupcake was nice, no? Hahahha =P

Wish List

2011-06-05T01:29:00.001+08:00

I really do have a long list now..

It starts with.....

1. New shoes *more shoes kot*

2. ..

3. ..

And I have a full list of movies yet to be watched.

2 weeks to go before school starts. Excited? Not. Thank you.

Over

2011-06-02T01:27:00.001+08:00

I just finished watching the final episode of Glee Season 2...

Nothing to look forward to now :(

Maybe the end of the holidays? Definitely NOT!

Can I just stay here forever???

Will you come and stay with me?

In Love

2011-05-28T06:59:00.003+08:00

When you're in love, the world revolves around you and only you. You care not of other people around you. All you think of, you dream of is about the person you love with all your heart.

So what if you fall in and out of love?

Love is not perfect, and it can never stand alone. Love is to be shared, to be felt between two hearts, two souls that agrees to commit and help, support and understand each other.

When being in love, you are able to overcome all the obstacles, how big, be it. You are able to stand proud, knowing the one you love is by your side, and you are willing to do what it takes to make it happen.

But is always takes two to tango. If you dance alone, you'll end up with worn out shoes and aching feet by the end of the night.

So what happens when two people just know that they are meant to be together and wanna spend the rest of their lives in each other's arm?

Yes, yes, yes.

My sister is getting married!!!

Weeeeeeee...

I was walking at Westminster Bridge on the way to London Eye when I received her text.

It was sudden, abrupt, unexpected.

When?? July 15th

My tears filled my eyes as the fact slowly settled in. Not because I'm sad. I'm happy, I really am. But the fact that I'll be all alone, creates a huge hole in my heart.

And mind you, I'm not good with goodbyes. I've never been good with it. Never will be.

I've bought my dress for the reception. I hope kakak's wedding will be a spectacular one =)

Love is in the air!!!

hyde park spring 2011

It Is Not

2011-05-15T13:58:00.004+08:00

... just a ring

It is a promise of eternal love

and faith

and devotion

When I Thought...

2011-05-13T02:41:00.000+08:00

... I'd be dead bored

Well I found out that Pretty Little Liars Season 2 will be out on the 14th of June

33days left.

That would do, wouldn't it?

Who Do You Think You Are?

2011-05-12T03:44:00.000+08:00

I think Rachel's cover for this is simply awesome!!! I totally heart this episode!!!

All the series are coming to the end of the season. Wonder what I'll do for the next few months without nothing to look forward to.

Study, perhaps?

I Don't Know

2011-05-06T19:16:00.002+08:00

If I am strong enough to endure the stress related to this career I've chosen. Its not that I regret involving myself in this field. I would never. I knew that this field would require long hours of work, and sacrifice almost everything else in life. This line would need me to be resilient and a lifetime learner, which is something I am more than willing to be.

But yesterday, what I witness in front of my own eyes was something so heartbreaking that I almost broke down there and then. Thank goodness I had good support from the staff members, and they assured me that it is normal to feel the way that I felt, and that sometimes we need to be to be able to handle these kind of stuff.

For me, it was totally new. I've seen really sick patients, crying family members, but this was different.

What would you feel if you tucked you son in bed perfectly well last night and today he's gone?

I can't even begin to imaging what the family members felt. It must be hard for them. There were screams, cries, everything.

And for me, I need to toughen up this fragile and vulnerable heart of mine to be able to cope. I'm traumatized, definitely, but this is only the first incident I'll be witnessing for the next I don't know how many years in this line of career.

O God please spare this heart of mine.

I'm Not

2011-05-06T19:11:00.001+08:00

... a superwoman.

So forgive me please if I make mistakes, because I'm not perfect.

I'm still trying figure out my destiny.

Restart

2011-05-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

When is the time that you are allowed to look back on everything you've done in life and regret? Is it ever too young, or too late for it? Then what should you do? Does your life end there and then? How are you supposed to move on knowing that there are some things you can't fix for like.. forever?

Everyone searches for that happy ending, that promise of true eternity that will never leave you in despair, and that part where you are able to hold on to forever.

How many of us actually get their ending? And how many of us still wonders around?

People change all the time, and to those who are constant and determined with what they want in life, things tend to work out just fine. But not everyone gets what they want. Sometimes plans don't really go accordingly, sometimes time gets in the way.

I can't move on.
I can't turn back.
I don't want replay.
I'm stuck.

Can I press the restart button and start over?
All over again.
Please.

Good Morning

2011-04-25T14:46:00.003+08:00

From London with love

Exhausted!

2011-04-22T01:13:00.002+08:00

It has been a long week, a really-really long week. With exams and all, I barely have time to breathe! Okay, that's an exaggeration, but oh well, you know what I mean.

And now, everything is..

OVER

Fourth year is, and fifth year, FINAL year is coming.

I don't know how to actually feel. Happy? Sad? Glad?

Maybe I'm just contented and satisfied. I've come this far, and I can see the end of the journey. But what I have to always bear in mind - it is a start of a new one.

Well, no exams today, so I went shopping for some stuff, and got home almost midnight. I went out with my best-est friends from high school and had a really great time laughing with them. I really hope they will move in together, and then I'll have an escape =P They wanted to see me before I fly and I was touched, I'm not going for a year lah sayangssss =)

Now, there is one last thing I have to do...

PACK

I love traveling, I love packing, but this time, I have no idea what to bring. It seems like 75% of my luggage are stuff that I'll be bringing for my cousin and friends who are there which includes contact lenses and milo. LoL.

Mummy said that I should bring just enough stuff, and get everything once I'm there. But define 'just enough' for me, please?

And I still have to get something for Mika and Sara. Toys R Us tomorrow perhaps? Oh, its today. Haha. I hope the session tomorrow would be brief, I have loads to be done.

I'm excited. *Can you see me jumping already?*

It seems surreal, that the day is finally approaching.

Right now, I'm waiting for my dryer to be done so I can continue my packing process. Oh, maybe I should continue tomorrow. My eyes are barely open.

Yes.

I am.

Exhausted!

Definitely a Thousand Times Better

2011-04-18T00:03:00.002+08:00

Thank you for always being there for me

I Forgot..

2011-04-17T00:57:00.003+08:00

How to play and sing like this again.

It has been sometime, since Back to December.

No, I only sing for myself, my voice is terrible =P

She's good, really good.

First thing to accomplish after exams.

Almost 24hours left